The guy I've been dating for two months recently said "I love you" for the first time while we were having sex. I didn't say anything back and we didn't talk about it. Does this count? I know a lot of people say guys will say anything in the heat of the moment, but I've been with a lot of guys who never said this during sex. The ones that did I ended up having a long r/ship with. So advice from guys please, do you think he meant it or was it just the sex talking? Thanks!!!
2006-12-20 08:16:07 · 9 answers · asked by Sweetgirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Here's my story:
In 2002, I was dating this very sweet man with whom I had almost nothing in common. We met when I was going through a very difficult time in my life. He took care of me and was always gentle and kind.
He seemed to start "making love" to me right away; you know, "making love" rather than "having sex." Then he started saying "I love you" during sex. I was startled, but sort of went with it. One time, we had sex, during which he said "I love you." We finished, and I said, for the first time, "I love you." He didn't say anything back. I felt a little uneasy, so I said, "You know, my girlfriends have always said, 'Don't believe a guy who says 'I love you' if he only says it during sex.'" He said, coldly, "Maybe you better listen to your friends." Chilled me right to the bone. I got up and started putting on my clothes to leave. He pulled me back and said, "Are you just going to leave me like that?" He was silent for a little bit and then said, "When I say it, I mean it. It's just when we're not having sex, I don't really feel it."
The relationship unraveled pretty quickly from there. He was divorced and had custody of a son, and we really didn't have much in common, other than we were tall, lean, like to play Rummy and pool, were really nice, and had really great sex together.
It was a little painful, because I did love him, but it was a very mild love compared to how I felt in a later relationship. We never discussed it much, but I think it was all for the best. He may have loved me (mildly), but we didn't have enough in common to sustain a serious relationship, and I think we both knew that.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I had a previous boyfriend (1996) who said "I love you" in the heat of the moment, too. He told his roommate about it, who asked me privately, "Did you hear that he said 'I love you?'" I said "yes." I didn't say "I love you" back or talk to my boyfriend about it. Later (not much later), my boyfriend started saying it when we were *not* having sex. His feelings for me were quite strong throughout the relationship. I started saying it back even though I wasn't sure if I loved him or not. (FYI, we broke up a year or so later -- my idea.)
My hypothesis is that when men's feelings for you are growing, they feel the strongest when they are being very intimate and vulnerable with you, i.e., during sex. (I think the same goes for women -- don't your feelings for *them* feel stronger during sex sometimes, too?). Sometimes, but not always, that love grows so that finally it meets the threshold for being said outside of sex. When I questioned that one boyfriend, I think I make him assess the relationship more than he wanted to, and doing so scared him. It put too much pressure on him. And when he thought about it, he realized that we probably couldn't sustain the relationship with so little in common. He was getting in "over his head."
My advice: Don't say anything back and see what happens. Don't respond in kind unless he says it outside of sex.
This stuff is always seems so complicated and messy! I'm having slightly different but related problems in my current relationship.
Good luck! I hope you find true love.
2006-12-20 08:57:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends if it was during or after. Right after - yeah, we'll say anything out of stupor. Not that he didn't mean it, but probably just the sex high. Before, he would be trying to get in your pants. DURING...I would tend to believe him. Think about it: he's not trying to "get some", he's already getting it. And we don't say that easily so I think he was relaxed and thought it probably wouldn't cause a big problem right then. Now, since you didn't reply, the poor guy is probably stewing right now.
I suggest telling him that you heard him, ask if he remembers it, and if so, tell him how you feel. Even if you just say that it freaked you out, at least give the boy some feedback.
If you're too chicken for this, just say, "Hey, I'm not sure if I heard you right, but it almost sounded like you said that you loved me during sex, is that true?" Then he saves face...he knows that you heard it and he can either say that he doesn't remember that or say, "yes, thank you, I didn't think you heard me." Either way, he comes out looking good and you get your answer.
2006-12-20 08:23:36 · answer #2 · answered by none 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was romantic and loving you and you felt he was tenderly loving you and if it sounded as though he meant what he said then I am sure he loves you and meant to say it. I would not think a guy would say something during sex he did not mean especially if it was something like that. I think the worse thing you can do is to question him. Take it for what it is and be happy. Next time you are intimate with him you whisper in his ear the same thing and see what happens.
2016-03-29 01:45:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
not the best time to say it and mean it. To be honest in the past I have done it myself and in the heat of the moment it really is true not a lie. Talk to him about it
2006-12-20 08:21:52 · answer #4 · answered by snoopy22564 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's in the heat of the moment...I wouldn't say it counts as he really do love you, but sometimes the truth will spill out whether they want it to or not.
2006-12-20 08:28:07 · answer #5 · answered by Callie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was probably more like i love this but it is just another four letter word given meaning by some guy with a degree
2006-12-20 08:19:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just sex talking trust me
2006-12-20 08:20:50 · answer #7 · answered by nena_en_austin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he said it while you was haing sex.
don't be a bimbo. of course he loves you. you're unlocking the door to his personal paradise.
2006-12-20 08:18:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he means it! jeez what do you women take us for?
2006-12-20 08:18:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋