For those who were ignored by their parents while growing up, do you find it hard to take care of yourself?

Question

I grew up ignoring my needs cause my parents never really payed much attention to me and put much limits in what I could do, like socializing, or doing things I liked to do, now I am in my mid 20's and honestly I find it hard to know what I need and what I like. I also find it hard to love myself.
What could I do? I am currently gong to therapy, but I would like to know what would you do?

Answer 1

I can relate both to your situation as well as the previous answer (about being independent). I grew up in a similar situation to you.

I, too, am very independent and have put on the air of not needing anybody or needing any affection from a very young age. I also have a habit of taking on too much responsibility, even now as an adult. I find it hard to love unconditionally in a relationship, and find it hard to believe that someone could love me. I often go with the flow in a relationship instead of directing what I want, and where I want to go. I'm 47 years old and I'm just now trying to figure out what I want out of life! I always used the metaphor that I was like a leaf floating down a river, at the whim of the rocks and water where I ended up. If my partner wanted to move, then I packed the boxes. Know what I mean? Now I want to be more like the water in the river - it knows where it's going, and it's undeterred in its progress.

I, too, went through therapy, but I don't think I've really cracked this issue yet. I'm still learning! And I'm still trying to figure out what my goals are, where I want this stream to go.

But life is a work in progress - you can't 'fix' things all at once, you can't expect to be exactly the person you'd like to be with a snap of your fingers. You have to work on it, puzzle piece by puzzle piece.

Good luck, you've made a good start in identifying where these feelings are coming from, now you need to work on where you're going.

Answer 2

I totally identify with you being fiercely independent myself. I come from a large family and carried responsibility for myself as well as others from a young age My parents were great and didn't mean to ignore anyone, but when you get into large groups the down side is sometimes you can feel lost in the shuffle. . Learning to love myself has been a journey. A rewarding one.
First you have to give yourself permission to explore different things. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes teach you lessons that builds character & strength. With every experience you will learn a little more about yourself. What you like & what you dislike. But you'lll never know unless you try it. Open you heart and mind to new ideas, things and people.
Loving yourself is a process & the better you feel about the things you accomplish in life the more you will love yourself. Counteract negative self talk with positve thoughts. Don't hold back in therapy. The more you give the more you will get out of it. I hope this helps. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I grew up with one parent constantly working, and the other one with a drug problem, so my sisters and I were left to fend for ourselves. I do find it hard to provide for myself (buying new things that I desperately need like clothes, shoes) and constantly go out of my way to make sure that everyone else has. I know what I need, I just don't feel comfortable making the purchase for myself because I feel like I am taking away from someone else. I'm slowly working to allow myself to purchase things for myself.

Therapy was a good step for you. It could help you resolve past issues. I consider myself lucky that I never needed therapy, but my younger sister did.

Answer 4

I'm going through the same thing, except I always want to kill myself. I'm looking for help now, but I don't understand how someone is supposed to change my mind about how I feel about myself. All that ..."it's not worth it", "you'll hurt those around you", and "you have so much to live for" talk just annoys me more. Is therapy helping?

Since you're asking this question, I'm thinking it isn't. All I'm going to say is try to set small goals for yourself and don't stop until you acheive them. Next thing you know you'll be 50 something. That's what I'm going to try to do. Graduating from college was my first goal. I just don't know what to do next. Good luck. Because I definitely don't love myself enough and I feel neither does anyone else. Peace.

Answer 5

My mother died when I was only 4 and a storybook stepmother came into the picture at 6.I was so independent at such a young age that I've been taking care of myself forever. I also find it difficult to love myself but not others.I've never found the courage to seek therapy so good for you, stick with it you'll be better for it later on.Good luck!

Answer 6

I also find it the opposite. I have cousins that were raised the same way and it seems like they can do a lot more for themselves than other people I know that were raised well. Spoiled kids tend to not know what they want or how to do things themselves because they are so use to their parents doing it for them. Keep going to therapy and ask him the questions that you ask on here. Don't be scared to ask questions, he/she has heard so many other ones and knows how to help you!

Answer 7

I'm kind of different....I made a decision that all the things my parents told me where full of cr@p, and from that day on, I was going to make my own decisions. Of course, I would ask alot of questions of people, because I wanted to make the best decision I could.

And believe me...my life is terrific because I am an independent individual. And I can still make poor decisions today, but I learn alot from them, too.

Answer 8

Well I really feel for you. I think the best thing to do is what you are doing. Communicate with others search for warmth, love and friends. The more you search the more you will understand what you like and what you need.

Do stuff that you like to do. Things that make you happy. If you like to play an instrument DO IT. If you like to workout DO IT.

If you feel that you are good at something or something you like to do...DO IT, with all your energy and passion that you have.

Then you will be able to identify yourself with things you like to do and love yourself for who you are and what you are doing.

It might take a week, a month or even years...but don't give up.

MJ

Answer 9

I have the same isolation from my dad but i was more socialable because i can't talk to him so i spend time with my friends. And in turn i learn how to take care of myself because i was not able to rely on him. learn how to take care of yourself if you don't no one will. Loving yourself is like accepting who you really are without the concern about how other people think of you.

Answer 10

Your question is an amazing piece of self-analysis, and you should be quite proud of yourself. I was paid too much negative attention, they seemed all over me in harsh critisism. I wish they had left me more alone. But it produced the same thing you describe, an inablity to like myself and difficulty socializing. I wish you the best.