What social skills?

Question

Why is the phrase 'social skills' the first protest of public school defenders? What social skills do you learn at school that you don't learn elsewhere? It's not like homeschooled kids never interact with another human until they go to college.

Is learning to fight, swear, gossip, talk bad about authority, question your parents' morality, etc. important enough to you to force your kids into a failing school system?

If you have other reasons to public school, that's fine, but why criticize homeschooling with the social skills question?

Maybe I was a bit negative, but HS kids do learn to express themselves, share their opinions, interact with kids their own age, etc.

The unnatural environment is the school. Is everyone at work the same age as you?

But seriously, children in schools learn their social skills from other children. Are we raising people to act like children or to act like adults? EVERYONE wants kids to learn to behave, but they spend all day learning from each other and parents have evenings and weekends to try to correct that.

Diversity is a bit of a red herring. When my kids interact with kids from other socio-economic backgrounds, I promise you they are not quizzing them on skin color or what it means to have more or less money than we do.

whosays - you got anger issues!
1) Probably all of us here went to school for most or all of our eduction
2) I DO NOT want other people to raise my kids. The question never asserted that.
3) teachers are not required to be experts in their subjects. They teach the curriculum, same as HS parents. If a mathemetician wants to teach, he has to first get an exemption or a teaching certificate/degree
4) a degree doesn't make you smarter.
5) people graduating with teaching degrees have lower IQs and college admission scores than other graduates. As a generalization teachers have big hearts, but are not rocket scientists.

Mike - HS kids blow away PS kids on tests. Part of the reason HS is effective is that you stay with the subject until you learn it and if you learn it quickly, you move on quickly. It keeps the kid interested.

RE: learning more than mom knows, >> Most HS parents use curriculumn and HS kids read, see TV, have computers, etc.

Answer 1

Some "interesting" responses you've received so far.

I agree with Jeffrey P that it's the easiest to use. So much uninformed rationalizing can go on and people can remain absolutely convinced that they are absolutely right.

To those who say it's the parents who need to teach their kids not to swear, gossip, etc., parents can do their part, but since parents spend few waking hours during a school week with their children, it's what they get the rest of the time that can make the biggest difference, unfortunately. Kids are biologically wired to learn what's around them, to grow up to be like that. They naturally want to fit in and be like others and to expect most children under the age of 12 to truly reason things out and do things because they are the right things to do is ridiculous--it shows ignorance of child development.

I can only laugh at the comment of social skills being "compare your thinking with your classmates". Wow. Most adults are lacking social skills because they don't spend their lives in a classroom! How about all the presidents who did not go to school--were they dictators who were unable to consider the point of view of others? Oh and homeschooling doesn't offer you "seeing other people of your own age"--first of all, who says? My kids see kids their own age all the time. Secondly, who says that that's even important to a person's development? People go on and on about things they assume to be true because everybody says they're true, but there's absolutely no reason to believe that a child's long-term well-being and development are dependent upon seeing other people EXACTLY their age all the time.

It simply doesn't make sense--we spent thousands of years without a mass classroom setup. People didn't spend their lives locked in their houses and not interacting with others because they didn't go to school for 35 hours a week.

As for whosays' comment: yes, I am a teacher. I have spent 8-hour days in a school to know what they are really like. It is the reason I began thinking of homeschooling in the first place. My dh is also a teacher. He was having the same thoughts I was. Most parents have little time with their kids these days. I hear about it all the time from my dh who supposedly works in one of the best demographics in terms of schools in the city. The problem lies in the ones who don't have parents doing their job and being a huge influence on everybody else. It's basic psychology/sociology.

And whosays, there is no problem with parents teaching their kids. Surely you didn't hire someone to potty train your child? Or teach him to walk? Or talk? Or tie his shoes? Or count to 5? Why can't you teach him to count to 100? To write numbers? To read words? Why can't you talk to him about books that he reads? It's a shame that you have such a poor view of yourself as being capable of teaching your child. Credentials are about state accountability, not about capability. Many private schools do not require their teachers to have education degrees. Did you know that? And yet private schools tend to have better results than public schools. If teaching credentials were the only way to be able to teach your child anything, then private schools should have the worst-educated kids around. YOU should get a clue before harrassing somebody who actually does know what he's talking about.

"Even if [every public school is a failing system], it gives [kids] an opportunity to overcome adversity." O-M-G. Do you realize what you are saying? You know, people who are abused also have an opportunity to overcome adversity--should we purposefully abuse people? Look at the guy in Happyness--look what an opportunity he had by being homeless. Let's make everybody homeless so they can develop those character traits to become great people! Just because we can FIND some good in a bad situation does not mean that we should subject ANYBODY, much less children, to bad situations in order to--hopefully--develop some good.

ADDED:

Whosays, *I* made no assumptions. *YOU* were the one who said that unless a parent has credentials, they aren't qualified to teach their child anything.

Answer 2

It's based off the assumption that homeschooled kids sit in the "school room" with mom in the front eight hours a day, every day, and then have four to six hours of homework. In other words, that they recreate school at home. You have a locker in your bedroom, you can't go outside without some equivalent of a hall pass and you never see anyone less than twenty years older than you.

What people usually think homeschooling is IS bad. However, plenty of kids go through the public school system and turn out fine. Part of being a teenager is swearing, fighting, trashing authority and questioning your parents' morals. It's called testing the waters and growing up. The vast majority of us get in to one fistfight, get scared sh*tless and never fight again. We get smashed on cheap rum one night, get scared, and don't do it again. We're all teenagers in the end. Homeschooling or not, you will curse because you're fifteen. You'll question your parents' morality because you're growing up.

You can't change the facts of life.

Answer 3

Since you're taking extreme generalizations, I'll do the same.

Home schooled kids typically never talk to anyone but their immediate family. That's the problem.

Going to a regular school, whether public or private, allows interaction with many different types of people and gives them the life experiences most people have.

Interacting with kids their own age is important. It shapes their life experiences because they learn how to make friends easier, have the opportunity to overcome shyness, go through puberty and dealing with the opposite sex when any mistakes can be chalked up to age with the opportunity to get better. Dealing with bullies, people they don't like, etc. All are good experiences to learn b/c they'll likely run into these people either in college, or out in the real world. They can also learn by seeing how other kids react to these situations, and decide which ones work for them. You also get the common experiences such as cheering for your school's team, school dances, etc. Later on, chatting by the watercooler, the kid won't feel so left out.

They also deal with more adults. If there's a bad teacher, a good teacher, manipulating a teacher, etc. These skills translate later on to professors in college or supervisors at a job.

Finally, they learn a different point of view besides their parents. Whether it's educational subjects or simply life subjects, this can be helpful. Should they get married, there's less of a chance for friction btw the spouse and the in-laws b/c of too much dependence by the person who was home schooled to his parents.

Not every public school is a failing system. Even if it is, it gives them an opportunity to overcome adversity. At the very least, it gives them a real world view of how life isn't always so rosy. Being overly sheltered is a real problem with kids today. Yes, whether they go to traditional school or not, it's a problem. However, simply counting the time the kid can be sheltered by a parent puts the home schooler at risk for this more than a kid who gets away from his parents for a bit.

My sister was home schooled for some time. I've met a decent number of home schooled kids. The lack of social skills and the ability to interact smoothly with others is definitely a common problem that an objective observer can see. If you're in the US, social interaction (and office politics, if you will) are a huge factor in life, especially in the rat race. In many cases, it can even trump actual knowledge. If someone is lacking some basic social skills, it can really hurt them at their job and life in general.

Answer 4

i have nothing against homeschooling. in fact i sometimes wish i was homeschooled. But i also wonder... If I was homeschooled and my only teacher was my mother, would'nt I only learn what she wanted to teach me? If that was the case, I'd be pretty screwed up right now. I know twice as much as my mom, but she still has one up on me... experience. experience is caused by life... trying and failing, making mistakes, doing things i shouldn't and learning FIRSTHAND why I shouldn't. It is something everyone will have to face one way or another. Luckily I had everyday of my life to learn that little by little, instead of all at once when I'm finally on my own in the really real world with nobody to turn to. but then again, i am PS so maybe I can't see the other side, but i do know many HS adults who really regreted it. NO MATTER WHAT YOU TEACH YOUR KIDS THEY WILL STILL BE SHAPED FROM REAL LIFE. THE LAST DAY OF HOMESCHOOL IS NOT THE END OF THE LINE. you cant program a child. IT LEARNS. it doesn't take commands like a computer. Shelter is only safe for a while until a real storm comes. Would you like your kids to be exactly like you, knowing only what you know, only thinking what you think, not making the mistakes you did, but making all the ones you didn't because they only know what you told them was real or true? If I called my mother right now she would say how happy she was that I learned what i did in PS. But i have to give her all the credit for teaching me how to learn what i did. sometimes you have to learn from people other than the ones who care about you most. they are unbiased as a whole because you have many options to choose from. My Mommy told me the world is flat and ther's nothing you can do about it! I am only 23 though, and still haven't lived long enough to say that what i know is what really is. Keep your kid homeschooled. they won't be able to handle the change.

Answer 5

I don't think it's a matter of not interacting with another human being, but rather not interacting with people their own age. I think that's the big concern with homeschooling, however if they have friends and are involved in activities such as sports then I'm sure they're getting plenty of interaction. Be sure though to not focus on the negatives of public schooling (learning to fight, swear, gossip, talk bad about authority, question your parents' morality) to defend your stance because there are many good things about it as well.

Answer 6

"But seriously, children in schools learn their social skills from other children. Are we raising people to act like children or to act like adults? EVERYONE wants kids to learn to behave, but they spend all day learning from each other and parents have evenings and weekends to try to correct that"

Amen to that original poster.

Homeschoolers have plenty of opportunity to express themselves with others. Our kids are around other children, but usually under supervision.

They have intellegent conversations/debates/discussions with others they encounter.

As a matter of fact, most of the homeschooling children I know are very outgoing and expressive. At the same time, they aren't afraid to stand up for their Christian beliefs. Children do NOT have to be placed into public school systems in order for them to be "socialized". The family unit is the most important unit there is.

Sending our children to public school isn't for this family. I've heard of MANY inappropriate behaviors that are going on in the public school from children going there. With my kids here at home, I do have a say so over what they are being subjected to and I'm able to know first hand what's happening.

I don't think homeschooling is for everyone, but if God has lead someone to do so, then it will be blessed if they're doing it for the right reasons.

Answer 7

The reason this is the most common argument against home-school is that it is the easiest. To the uninformed, they assume home-school kids are hermits, that they don't play sports, interact with kids their own age etc. If you are a home-schooler you know this is not true. They anti-homeschooling contingent also tends to exaggerate the importance of peer interaction, and minimize the importance of parents.

If the anti-home-schooler were honest, they would have much less support. As you know the main reason homeschooling is opposed is that it exposes the weakness of traditional public education. (That is not to say that one cannot get a good education by the traditional methods or that homeschooling is always superior.) The real issue is one of power and economics as are most publicly debated issues.

Answer 8

Well I'll I can do is talk from my experience, so here it goes. I was only home-schooled until I was eight years old ( I'm fifteen now).
& I truly wish with all my heart that I still could be, unfortunately though my parents divorced & then I was put into a boarding school, & now I'm currently in a private highschool. But if I were to choose the one that I thought educated me the most, it would most definitely be when I was home-schooled. Mainly beause it enhanced my curiosity, about everything, while the other two curbed it.

Answer 9

I'll take issue with you on your statement that teachers have lower IQs because it just ain't so. The fact is, rocket scientists make lousy teachers. They may be good at scientific research, but they don't know the first thing about how to help others learn how to do it. Or even more difficult to help others learn how to learn. If you ever went to university, you probably had a couple of profs who were experts in their field, but you didn't learn diddly-squat from them. The teaching in those classes was done in tutorials led by graduate students. And even then, most of the learning was done by the student, who had to figure out how to digest the information s/he was being fed, and do it mostly by him or herself. A few good teachers could revolutionize university classes.

Answer 10

My wife and I are home schooling our two girls. They are currently in grades 9 and 10.

My kids teach music appreciation and beginning recorder for their music teacher to other kids. They are leaders in their 4H club. They are active in the Life Teen group at our church. Something tells me that they have social skills.

We are members of several home school groups. One of these groups has more than 50 families, so we are not isolated. The kids that I have met are joys to be around. Most are very active in their communities. I think that you will find most home schooled kids to be more socially adept in various age levels as opposed to just their own peer/age group. The fact that their parents are actively involved in their schooling and life is what accomplishes this.

I do not have to worry about my kids doing drugs, or getting involved in gangs. This comes from active parent involvement and knowing who your kids are associating with. Home schooling facilitates this.

I am sure there are some home schooled kids that are isolated, but you will find that in society in general.