It's been 3 and a half months since my bf and I have been back together. We're both trying, and it's hard. Monday was my bday. Sunday night was my family bday party. He missed it cause he slept in. Instead of coming over to see me, he went to the bar because he was "upset." He ended up getting completely sloshed, coming over to my house and making a fool of himself. He said the worst things to me. He humilated me, my mom was over, and he said hurtful things to her as well. He was so crude, my mom kicked him out. He stood outside my apartment door, banging and screaming at all hours of the night. I was so distrought the next day. I coudn't even smile on my bday. He has an alcohol problem, and its effecting me... I love him so much... I feel so stuck. My 20th bday was ruined...Christmas is coming up, and I don't want that to be ruined as well... I have so many gifts for him. ~help!
2006-12-20 06:43:41 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Gifts are returnable. But years of your life are not. Tell him to get help, and also look into counseling for yourself. There's a reason that you are attracted to men that have anger and chaos issues. The drinking as a crutch is never a good thing. Perhaps you should break up and give yourselves a chance to resolve these issues before you're 30 and you've wasted some of the best self-discovery years. You're young. You'll make it just fine without him.
2006-12-20 06:52:22 · answer #1 · answered by Megan B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well ur not gonna like the truth. u need 2 get a restraining order n never see him again. but since ur in love with him n do not see that until he gets help things will only worsen. u can try going 2 alanon meatings n at least talk 2 others who r in ur same position.
personally if I truely loved him, but could not live with what he was doing. (n who the hell wants 2 be upset like that) I would try tough love knowing that it was the best way. I would wait till he was not drinking and sitting him down tell him straight out that I could not watch him not only make an *** out of himself n hurt others but slowly commit suicide by drinking himself 2 death. I would tell him I love him but I would also make it clear that I loved him enough 2 let him go if I had 2. then I would give him the choice of getting help or never seeing me again. if he chose help great I would stick by him but if he didnot get help I would leave.
dont wait the 10 years I did man it just gets down dirty disgusting and painful.......
good luck
2006-12-20 06:53:49 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for ya. My boyfriend was getting pretty bad for a while, but he decided to start cleaning up his act....at least he's been good for a week or so. Unfortunately, as much as you want to help, it's got to be him who decides the help himself. It sounds cliche, but it's true. Never try to reason with him when he's drunk, especially if he gets crude and vile (my bf is the same way). What I found started working a bit, was I told him (when he was sober) that I didn't want to talk to him if he'd been drinking. I think that put the message through to him that his drinking was having a huge effect on us.
The other thing is to come right out and tell him (when he's sober) that he can't say things like that to you, no matter if he's drunk or not. I think it's also important to point out to him, that you're not a doormat for staying with him and putting up with his crap, but that you're strong enough to deal with him and you love him enough to want to help him.
If it doesn't change, I think you know the only solution. :(
2006-12-20 06:50:01 · answer #3 · answered by sarahjaniepoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 20 and dealing with this? Honey, it doesn't get better. I went through 6 years of it. He ruined your birthday. He stood outside banging and screaming. He needs mental help. And let me tell you, you should NEVER let anyone, boyfriend or not, talk to your mother that way.
2006-12-20 06:50:22 · answer #4 · answered by Rosie aka Rosie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear this, but here it is. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic, he is very sick, and you can't do a damn thing about it. You are 20 years old. You are not married to this guy, you don't have any kids, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. Get the hell out of that relationship while you are still sane. You will be glad you did. Trust me.
2006-12-20 08:35:34 · answer #5 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) take the gifts back
2) do not see him again
3) you do not need someone who does not care. I do not care what he tells you he cannot care for you until he grows up and that will be a very long time.
4) if he does not go away call the cops. He could be a danger.
This will not get better.....Run now.
2006-12-20 06:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by Larry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Return the gifts..you dont need this guy in your life....when I was 21 (I am now 24) I went out with a guy who drank too much. Every time we went out he got in a fight. One night I just left him at the bar after he got in a fight with 3 guys and never looked back.He sucker punched a guy who bumped into him by accident, then that guy got up and swung at him, then another guy joined in, then the bouncer. He was physically thrown out. Then he got verbally nasty with me.I just got in my car and left him there. He called me the next morning. I asked, "Do you remember what happened last night?" He said no, I said"I didint think you would but I do. Dont call me anymore" and hung up.
2006-12-20 06:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by mm06840 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him that if he loves you that he'll get his problem under control for both of your sakes. If he acts that way when he's drunk, it's sad. You don't have to give him anything. If he loves you dearly, then he should be willing to get help and work things out for your relationship and apologize for the things he said and did.
2006-12-20 06:48:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him tell him you love him but you just cant let this keep happening tell him to get help or its over go ahead and give him the gifts that will show him you do love him and maybe he will get help to save yalls relationship good luck and god bless have a merry x-mas and a happy new year
2006-12-20 06:52:01 · answer #9 · answered by lovingmychris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be supportive and ask him to get help. Nicole Kidam and Keith Urban seem to managing his problem - if they can do it with the whole world watching I'm sure you can do it to if you just make him deal with the problem. Your first problem is getting him to admit it's a problem and seek help.
2006-12-20 06:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by lunasage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋