Sexual abuse trauma has ruined my life!?

Question

Recently discovering dark secrets from my past have proven fatal in my life. I've been completely broken and have gone to therapy to try and re-build myself. I know this type of trauma takes years to overcome but right now it seems like I'll never see the light again. What can I do to lessen the pain?

Answer 1

Sorry to hear that, but you can get better.Get a relationship with God. Only God can fix a broken life, everything else will lead to despair.

Answer 2

The only thing I am writing to you about is the part where you state that you had discovered "dark secrets from my past"
If you discovered them on your own, or with the assistance of anyone but your councillor, then my fears are unfounded and many answers here have given you good information on dealing with the actions of some very sick people.
If a "professional" helped you find these repressed memories, then I would suggest you see a different professional about treatment. The only reason I bring this up is a lady friend of our family went through the incredible trauma of her "repressed memories" of sexual abuse. The problem was that the "memories" did not match up with known dates, etc. The telltale of it were her memories of an older cousin abusing her. That cousin died in Vietnam, 3 years before her birth, and she had only the pictures displayed of him to know him by. He was an only son, so no possibility of a younger brother being the culprit, and he was a red head, which came from the other side of the marriage.
To often when repressed memories are accessed they are not true memories. They feel like real, and they hurt just as much, but they don't respond as well to therapy.
I feel terrible in bringing this up, Lord knows you've plenty to deal with. I couldn't just ignore it though, it took nearly 4 years of therapy and perscription antidepressants for our friend to finally overcome this trauma. She found herself in a position where she couldn't put the memories behind her, because she didn't know if they were true memories. She responded much better after she moved and found a new therapist who helped her be strong enough to find the information about what was true, and what was not. Some were real, most were not.
It's hard enough for someone to deal with what they know has happened, it's an atrocity to imprint false memories on someone because of poor interview skills, and leave them to deal with that also. I hope you find the strength to get the professional help you need, remember too that many rape centers have volunteer staff that are quite qualified and are free, or at least very inexpensive.
There are many here who have told you to get mad, it's really not a bad idea. The predator's are always looking for those who show fear and weakness, take karate classes, and yes, get d*mn mad. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

Understand that unlike physical pain, the pain you are feeling is primarily a state of mind.

One way to lessen the pain is to embrace the idea that the pain is part of the healing process and is evidence of forward movement to normal again. You NEED to get mad. You NEED to be sad. You NEED to let those emotions blast out the poison that this discovery has unearthed and after a while (could be a long while) you will be back in control again. It doesn't happen all at once but it will happen.

Another way is to take stock of where you are and just how really damaged you are. If you are not infected with something or pregnant, then planning your strategy from there. If you have had a physical ill effect from this act than you need to be honest with yourself and try to see the bigger picture and plan from there. Planning for a resolution is another way to ease the pain. You may find that it makes you madder at first but having a plan will give you a goal and goals are power. Power ultimatly takes away the pain in the end.

Whatever happened to you is likely a travesty, but in the end, you are the only person that can render it powerless and make it right for yourself. Take things one step at a time and I know that you will get through it, better and stronger that before.

Good Luck and take care.

Answer 4

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I know what the pain is like. I also know you can get through it even when it seems like you can't go on. It does get better. Simply putting the past behind you is easy for someone to say who has not experienced this type of trauma. In this case, you need to face it head on and come out the winner. And you will, I promise. You are doing the right thing by going to therapy.

I actually do have a relationship with God, though not so much with the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy (I gave up on them when they stopped coming through....God is still coming through for me). It wasn't until I was 32 years old and learned about God that I was able to truly begin my healing process. So it does help.

I am also working towards my Masters in Counseling for the specific purpose of helping survivors like you and me. If you would like to talk about it, feel free to email me. I've run through the fire so I might have some good ideas for you. No attempts to convert you if you're not a Christian, just some ideas to get through the pain.

Answer 5

one thing u need 2 realize is the past is the past and can only effect u if U let it. no matter what u have 2 be strong n realize that what happened 2 you was because someone else was a very sick individual n u where a victim 2 there insanity. but in order 2 move on u need 2 accept that you r no longer a victim 2 there insanity u survived n r now a stronger person by must living through it.

one thing I see other survivors doing is revolving there life around what happened in the past as though it was a crutch or overall excuses for everything that happens in there present life. please do not allow urself 2 become like that because it really is pathetic and you can be much more than that.

once you realize that the past is who u where n the person u r now is not who u r going 2 be in the future we change every day.

there is no easy answer because all of us get over things differently. but remember u r only who u want 2 be. what some freak of nature did 2 u does not shape the rest of ur life if u do not let it. in short don't lay down n die because some asshole ****** with you. its over u survived n will get around what that asshole did because truthfully u will never get over it. so use it as a stepping stone 2 make u stronger.

good luck n it will get better if u let it. don't live 4 the past make the future what you want it to be.

Answer 6

Hang in there. You're in therapy, that's a good start. I can't say that I know what you're going thru, because I haven't. But I can say that as a recovering alcoholic, you take things one day at a time. That is all you can do. I've been sober for 7 yrs. now & have had some things happen over the last 2 mos. that severely tested that. It all had to do w/X-mas. I'm getting off subject, sorry. The main thing is you're getting help, ANY kind of abuse is a long road to travel, but if you have guidance, the trip is that much easier no matter how long it takes. Good Luck!:)

Answer 7

Why do you think that people would be assamed of you because *someone* else attacked you?
You know that there was nothing that you could have done about it.
The best thing that you can do as a kick in the face to the person that done this is to show them how well you have coped in your life regardless of what they have done to you.

You should continue getting therapy.

Your life has nothing to do with what happened now and what happened is only the other persons fault.

I always think that the best theropy that there is, is to help other people who have suffered or is suffering what you had, get over it.
Perhaps you should channel these thoughts into doing things to help other people who have had or have this problem.
You will have a great value and perpose to the world and you will no longer feel like your are assamed to be you.

Answer 8

I think you're doing the right thing - going to therapy and dealing with the trauma and pain. I also think that you will be going through a lot of ups and downs, and this process will be anything but easy and quick.
I think you should be proud of yourself. Very proud. You're doing something that not many people can do. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to lessen the pain, but I hope you realize what a great thing you're doing, and that knowledge will help you carry yourself through these darker moments.

Good luck. I hope you come out of this a lot stronger and happier.

Answer 9

I know the pain you are going throught in your life and the pain will always be their but you will learn ways to get around it.Everyone has their own way of healing some take time some just go out and take it out on them selfs. But one day you will be able to trust again in that way. But don't stop getting help for the thing that has happien to you that will help you alot. I tell you from my heart and from what I have gone through their is light out their again for you and their is trust and really love not love with pain. It may take awhile but it's their. Just So you know that I'm not talking out of my a## I've been abuse all my life as a child and then by my ex husband sexually and phesacal so I really do know your pain You are not alone and never will be.

Answer 10

The mind is a powerful thing...it has the ability to heal, as well as deabilitate. I don't mean to lessen your trauma in any way, but you have the choice to let it take you down, or move forward. I'm not a huge fan of dwelling in the past, so I take what I can from all my experiences - good and bad - and resolve to move forward. Right now, it sounds like you are dwelling on those experiences, and preventing yourself from moving on. A memory is just that - a memory. It is not something that can physically stop you.

Answer 11

Keep telling yourself that you are 1% what happened to you and 99% how you choose to react to that. That abuse did not ruin your life unless you decide to let it. There are too many examples of people who have overcome that and worse to achieve great success and happiness in life. None of those people are any better or stronger or smarter than you. They are all just exactly the same as you. Flesh, blood, bones and spirit. You have a spirit that cannot be crushed by anything, because that is the way spirits are made. You can hold it down with your heavy thoughts, or you can lift them up, let them go and just let it soar. Let it soar. Make a conscious decision to just let your spirit soar. Rise completely above this. Tell yourself this every day of your life until it becomes your reality.