Reason enough?

Question

I am 20 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. Lately everything about him is starting to bugg me. What he eats, the way he eats, how he jokes all the time with my friends, how he wants to have intimate moments with me ALL the time even when I tell him I am not in the mood of having them (I am still a virgin but with this I mean foreplay). I don't know why this is happening to me but I am really scared. I am not sure if I should put an end to our relationship before it's too late. I can definitely be with him more time but I'm scared to realize in 2 years that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him and then it is going to be too late to find someone else.

Answer 1

you need to be open and honeswt about how you feel and let him know you want both of you to see other people for a trial period so that when and if you commit to him it will be 100% good luck

Answer 2

You really think that at 22 it will be too late to find someone else? You really think that? That is so sad. At 22 life has barely begun. At 22 you are just finding out who you are and who you love. The problem you have with the current bf can not be unexpected. Let's take emotion out of the equation for a minute. If you are 20 now, and have been dating for 4 years, you started with this guy at 16. The difference in maturity and character between 16 and 20 is probably greater than it will ever be again. However, as a 40 year old, I can also say that the difference between 20 and 30 is huge. People character, who they are, are defined by the events they encounter in life. High School, College, First Job, First Car, First House, First Love, etc. Each of you are barely even close to who you will wind up being. Unfortunately you two seem to have grown in different directions and at different rates. Girl it is time to move along and realize you are still very young. You have plenty of time.

Answer 3

First, you are young, and will be young 2 years from now. It won't be "too late to find someone else."

Second, the poor guy has been with you for 4 years and isn't getting any. He's obviously pushing you, and quite reasonably I might add. The fact that he has waited this long shows incredible patience on his part, even if he is getting "foreplay." The man is a saint!

As for the fact that he is starting to bug you, well, you've been together for 4 years. Maybe he is not growing the way you want or expect, especially as you have been growing too. For both of your sakes, you should consider breaking up. Would the idea of him not being in your life be torture for you? Or would it be a relief? Base your decision on that.

Answer 4

Oh honey, it's not going to be too late to find someone else in 2 years. For God's sake. You're just getting started.

What's most important right now is that you don't settle for something you don't think is right for you, out of an obligation you think you have because you've been together for four years. He may be a great guy, but if it's not right right now, it's not. What you DO owe him (and yourself) after four years is some honesty. If you think you want to date other people, you need to tell him. Who knows; he might, too. But you shouldn't keep him on a string just because you're afraid of being alone, for two reasons: a) There's nothing wrong with being alone for a while, and in fact you should try it so you know what it's like to stand on your own; b) In all likelihood, you probably won't be alone for long.

I was in exactly your situation, and I wound up hurting my guy badly because I wasn't straight with him and cheated with another guy (or, actually, lots of other guys). Luckily, we're friends today, but we are both happy that we didn't get married back then -- we weren't ready, and today we're not compatible "that way". We each eventually married other people and we're both really happy. You will be too! Don't be so impatient! :)

Answer 5

I thinking the old adage, "Familiarity breeds contempt" is definitely applying to this situation! You've been with this person since you were 16? You're just looking for a reason to move on because you want to test the waters. If this is the way you're thinking, you probably should break it off with him because it sounds like you're ready to move on without him. Stop worrying about it being too late to find someone else and just admit that you want to see what else is out there!

But if you really do still love him and even tho there are things about him that you're finding annoying, ask yourself this questions...would you be happier without him or can you overlook these little things and stick it out because you truly love him? Because the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but what usually happens is you find out that the "new lawn" has brown spots too!

Answer 6

ROFLMAO! Sorry...I had to stop laughing at the idea that you are only 20 and are afraid that in 2 yrs it'll be "too late to find someone else"...honey, it's NEVER too late...

Okay, now seriously re: your question...sounds like y'all have probably just run the course and this relationship was more for a season than a lifetime. You were a child (16) when you two got together and now you are a young adult and perhaps you've matured in ways he has not.

Talk to him and see how he feels...he may be feeling it's not as groovy as it once was either. Point being though, you are awfully young to tie yourself to someone without having experienced more of life and relationships...

There's no need to rush into something long term...there's a LOT to be said for being single and growing as an individual and learning about who you are and what you want out of life...

Perhaps it's time for you to spread your wings and fly solo for a while...

Answer 7

4 years is a long time to be dating someone. It is my belief that eventually everyone gets used to the person that they are with and things that they do change from being cute to being annoying. It is just a way of life. I don't think that means that you don't feel the same way for this person anymore. I wouldn't consider it a reason for you to end things. Pretty much it just seems like you are getting "used" to him and he is acting as horny as a 20 year old typically is. If those are your only 2 complaints then I would say stay with the man because it seems like everything is fine.

Answer 8

Ok, he's going through puberty? I think.... it's something that will wear off in time. And don't worry, you won't have to break up with him. And it's never too late to find someone else. There are reasons why couples talk to eachother about things like this, they should both find a solution. Tell him what's bothering you, he's your boyfriend he should understand that your bothered by it, it's something that you havn't dealt with before in the relationship with him. don't be scared, all couples go through this. This is normal. I've seen it alot in school, in work places, and in tv shows. it's normal. couples complain, couples fight over it, couples get over it. If you talk to him about it, it could be a harsh road you'll go through or more than likely a passionate road. If you get through this with him then it's meant to be. Just keep in mind, he loves you, and if he dosn't then it's never too late to go fishing for another. I highly dubt that you'll go fishing for another, he's gotta be the one. He's been with you for over 4 years. There's gotta be a reason why he picked you over so many other women. No need to be worryed about that. just talk to him. You guy's will work it out ^_^

Answer 9

Well maybe its better you leave him now before its to late. Dont be with someone just because you have been with them for a long time, I know this guy that was with his girlfriend for 5 years and they just broke up. Sometimes its not meant to be and it's ok. You are still young and do not have settle down with anyone yet, only when you are ready. Good luck with everything

Answer 10

If you are feeling like this now then in 2 years it will be worse still. You are finding reasons for him to bug you. I am sure when you first got together you didn't notice all his habits and now they are grating on you.

If you are not wanting to be with him then it's time to cut him loose.

Answer 11

In my experience whenever your lover becomes less interested to you or less desirable or it seems like you can't stand that person is because there is some resentment from something you put out of your mind and never resolved the issue.