How do I or should I leave?

Question

I've been dating this guy on and off since 05. We lived together on and off also for most of that time, and I was the sole provider. Giving him everything he needed even my car while I was working. We aren't together now, but we both find it hard to let go. My mom would be pissed if she knew I was still talking to him. We often get into bad arguements and say REALLY mean stuff to eachother. It's even gotten pysical on some occasions. Even now that we aren't together, we still have really bad arguements. I've even gone as far as to change my number, but I end up giving it to him again. Sometimes I feel that I'm just comfortable with him and I don't want to go through the dating thing again. I even dated someone else and all my ex did was bad mouth him, and say how much better he was than him. I love him, I don't want to be with him, but I can't let go. There is so much more to the story, but I don't wanna relive it.

Answer 1

Based on what I've read there's a lot more than what you're saying but that's not important. What's important is the fact that you're not willing to let go of a person that you were obviously miserable with. You need to focus on the things that made you leave and completely let him go. Based on the few things that I've read if I was your mother I'd be ticked off as well just knowing that you're still dealing with him. Physical altercations are never good and have no positive outcome. My question is why do you feel you can't let go of someone that put their hands on you. As long as you feel "just comfortable" with him you're never going to let him go and move on. Right now he's loving the fact that he's got you feeling this way. Girl you're stroking that rejects ego and you know you need to quit. Question, why in the world did you discuss the person that you were dating with your ex? He does not need to be all up in your business like that. If he's so much better than the guy that you started dating, why wasn't he maintaining? That's what you should've been asking him. You do know that other guys that maybe interested in you will not approach you because they more than likely can see the misery on your face. Listen, if your mother doesn't like him that should be a warning sign to you. If a man can't get along with your mother in her eyes than you don't need him in your life. Granted he's not dating her but he has to respect her and I can't see how that's possible it she won't even deal with him. You better stop before someone tells your mother and then you'll have to hear it from her. Now do you want to deal with him or your mother being upset with you? I think you know the answer without me saying. Cut him loose.

Answer 2

I understand how hard it is to let go. But if he aint treating you right then there's really no choice. You seem like a very nice girl there is plenty of guys out there. So many men that will treat you the way that you deserve. But it takes a while to get over the one you love, so the only advice I can give you is to wait, just wait and he will come to you in due time. ( I promise) ( and he will be better then your ex)

Answer 3

Sounds to me like you know that the solution is leaving him. It's very very hard...but you know it's the right thing to do.
Unfortunately.... the only way you're going to rid yourself of him, is when you make the decision to just stop. There's going to come a point where you know in your own mind and heart, that it's time to seperate yourself from this guy. If you're at that point.. then you need to commit to leaving him. You need to commit to not giving him your number, or not answering your phone. Change his name in your phone to "don't answer"... as a reminder that you don't want to talk to him. Also, try changing the things around you, that remind you of him. Pictures, tv shows, move your furniture around.... little things that symbolize starting a new life without him. Start working out (if you don't already) to relieve stress. Take walks.
Don't be afraid to get a pet. Fish, cat, dog, whatever floats your boat. Cat's and dogs make great companions... they'll love you, and cherish you no matter what.
Also... talk to your friends (not mutual friends).. spend time with them. Ask them for support.

Concentrate for awhile, not on dating..but on your personal needs. Buy yourself little gifts..get yourself a massage. Treat yourself to the little things... spoil yourself a little bit. You deserve it.

Lastly... assuming your sexually active. Get a BOB (I'm assuming you know what that is...but for those of you who don't... it's a "battery operated boyfriend"). It's another way to relieve tension and stress....it's safe, and it's alot less hassle than a new man...especially when you're going through so much in your own life.


Good Luck

mj

Answer 4

Its not love honey, trust me. Its hard to understand and even admit, but if its gotten physical or verbal, and I'm under the assumption that its him hurting you, its abuse.

"Dump the guilt, this is about survival. It is your responsibility to take good care of the precious gifts you were given: YOUR BODY, YOUR MIND, YOUR SOUL.

http://www.drirene.com/

Website that taught me what was going on, the knowledge to understand and accept and the mental strength I needed to put plans into action and walk away.

Answer 5

Re-read your question carefully. You have more bad than any good to say about your relationship. Move on and don't date for at least six months. Don't look for another relationship; let one find you.

Answer 6

that's hard because the boy is in your blood and you know he's no good for you. You don't want to be the "mommie" which is what you are if you are the only one working. You have to move on, your brain already knows that, your heart is slower to learn.