how to have a good relationship with a grownup,independant daughter with a short temper. mom?

Question

she gets defensive when i tell her she has not called.

Answer 1

Start by being close enough that you can still be there for her when she needs you. Stay far enough away that she can grow up. You may have raised her,but she has some maturing to do. Both my daughters are grown. The one living 500 miles away calls every week. The one living 20 miles away only calls when she needs something. You got to be fair and give them their space.

Answer 2

Is that the way you would treat a friend you haven't heard from in a while - by chastising them for not calling you? Are you criticizing her in other ways to "help" her? That would make almost anyone short-tempered. She is an adult. I hope you are treating her with appropriate respect.

I have a friend whose 40-something daughter is "slow" and will always live at home. Whenever I visit them, it reminds me to be grateful that my daughter was able to leave the nest.

When my daughter calls or comes by, I always tell her how pretty she looks and give her a big hug. I would never make her feel bad while she is here by asking why I haven't seen her.

I can remember when I was in my 20s and work would carry me close to my mother's house. I'd have half an hour to spare, but I wouldn't go by because I knew she'd give me a hard time when I had to leave. It was just easier not to go.

Answer 3

Have you ever heard the saying; "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It's true. Find something to do with your time creatively; so when you think of calling, do that instead. She will call and ask why haven't you called, bugging her about calling. Just tell her you've been really busy, which will be true. Make it a short positive conversation, do alot of listening. Don't comment. But you make the exit off of the phone. That gives you a hint of mystique. "What is mom up to?" You will most definitely get more phone calls and conversation from your daughter.

Answer 4

Okay, so don't tell her that. She is aware of the fact and probably feels guilty when you remind her. Just call her and chat or leave a message that you were thinking about her and to give you a call when she has time. Sounds like she is an adult and probably has a busy life, so you may have to keep calling her, but it will be worth it if you can stay connected. Good luck.

Answer 5

good question,I think that the best way is to let her be independent.that is waht fathers do to prepare children to life but puting pressure on what she does will have a bad reaction from her point of view if you always want her to do your "way".tell her that you love her more than anything and that you get worry when she is absent without news,that you just want to be sure that she is ok and that if anything happnd she can count on you always,she will make a habit of give you news without feeling that she is reporting to you all the time.make agreementes with her about the hours and time that you can be together or rechable if is needed.the rest will come with time and trust on both sides.wish you peace and a happy new year.jimmy.

Answer 6

This one eludes me at times. I have two daughters in their mid twenties. They are both different. The relationship I have with each of them varies according to their moods, the lunar tides, if Starbucks is open and when they can extricate themselves from their own misery of the moment. The short temper is prolly because they so don't want to live their lives like our generation does. They don't really want to spend much time sitting doing "nothing". (Even if we know better :)

Busy? Well.. all the times you spent with them when you needed to do other things will someday pay off. I have had a better relationship with both my daughters by simply letting go...for now.

I call them when I like. I send them cards or funny e-mails (even if I don't think they would find them as hilarious as I do). I send them photos of when they were kids doing silly things. I don't rely on them for anything because of their "busy" schedules. I DO tell them that "I expect you for Sunday dinner, at 6:30, sure you can bring your friend and a dessert. Bye Love ya"

I try to ask them more questions about things they are talking about to me. (I used to try to get them to discuss things I had on my mind but for reasons of sanity, I just find it easier to let them talk to me. I ask them for their opinion. Basically just be a friend, help when I can and let them off the hook for being "too busy" 90% of the time. :)

Hard... I miss my little girls but I know soon I will have them back to chat, laugh and just be around. When they do that occasionally I just suck up the day and enjoy!

Basically, I try to remember that they too will get "older" and "slow down" to a more reasonable pace of life, and I will be there then.. too.

Best of Luck, don't know if this helped much but I hope it made you feel like you aren't alone.
:)

Answer 7

Do you call her excessively? Do you expect her to put everything on hold when you call?

Make a date with her, say every Monday night, that is mutually convienent. And then either you call, or she calls. I do this with my family, and it really keeps us up to date. We also recognize that maybe things come up, and the date can not be kept.

Please check your own behaviour though as well, because it is not fun to have someone call you just to ***** about your bad behaviour. It may actually be a reason why she is reluctant to call you.

Answer 8

It will happen, I'm not sure what you can do though