Ok I need some advice. Everyone on both sides of my family mom and dads at one point in their life have asked me for favors and there are a few including mom and dad that are constantly asking. Things from find me a mortgage broker, to a car to an attorney to translating things. None of them speak enough english to feel comfortable doing these things themselves. I have told my mom how I like helping but at times it gets overwhelming. Sometimes I avoid some of them and I feel bad bc I do want to help and I always do but there have been times I've gotten sooo stressed out I was at the point of tears. Anyone else dealt with this or have suggestions? Oh have to go ones calling right now....
2006-12-20 05:47:03 · 13 answers · asked by isladelmar7 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To sinned. hahaha ... but that doesn't solve my problem now.
2006-12-20 05:51:20 · update #1
To Momx I feel like I'm a celebrity and the most sought out commodity on both sides of the family.
2006-12-20 05:52:05 · update #2
Time pressure is the real issue.
When someone asks for a favor, tell them WHEN you can START working on it (no guarantee as to when you get it done). Then ask whether that schedule works for them. If it does not, they should probably find someone else to do it for them.
You are agreeing to do favors without considering whether it will overload you. You may even need to delay giving them an answer one way or the other until you can mark it down on your calendar.
You will continue to ALWAYS say YES, so they won't get angry with you. It will just be on YOUR schedule, NOT when they want it done (like NOW).
2006-12-20 05:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn to say NO. Your family is living in an English speaking country, they knew that when they came here and they need to learn to do for themselves. You should not worry if they will still love you, they will always come back when they need you. I am an immigrant and did not know the English language, it drove me nuts not to be able to understand the TV or people talking. I've made the biggest effort and now, that's the only language we use. Tell them to start talking to you in English when they want something, otherwise you will not help any longer and tell them to make an effort of doing things themselves and just plain don't answer the phone every time they call. You have a life of your own to think about and as long as you're giving in, they'll never learn to be independent.
Good Luck
2006-12-20 13:56:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand ... my family is huge ... mom & dad's side both live in the same town ... every weekend it's something ... either a birthday, baby shower, bbq, wedding ... etc ... and I have a truck so I get non stop calls ... " Hey, can you help me pick up a dresser I just bought - I need a truck " ... but I always think to myself ... what if I was in their shoes ... you should be able to count on family for whatever reasons ... it sounds like you're their rock ... and pretty much keep them all together ... it's hard but believe me there's usually one of them in every family ... the whole language thing would bug me ... I'd ask them to start taking classes or something ... for now enjoy the holidays with your FAMILY .. not everyone has them ... cherish everyone ... !
2006-12-20 14:25:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELCOME TO MY WORLD !!!
Good gawd it gets annoying !! Whats worse is I then turn around and ask for help with something and am turned down flat! HOW RUDE!... I give up with my husband's side of the family...they can go blow it out their asse$ !!!!
Funny you should mention feeling like a celebrity for that is exactly what I feel at times. Seems no one can do anything for them self and think I have all the time in the world to do for everyone. This is one reason I gave up going to our church. Want want want... good gawd I am only one person but they seem to think and have told me that I am invincible. Sure nice to hear it but I finally had to draw the line and say NO to everyone except my sister, parents & closest friend now.
I see YOUR families point with the english aspect of it BUT if they live in the USA then they need to get off their butts and learn it or head back to where ever they came from. How rude of them always putting things on you. Time for you tell them to start doing for themselves. There are evern FREE english classes at most hughschool so no excuses beside laziness on their part!
Merry CHRISTmas !!
: )
2006-12-20 14:08:20 · answer #4 · answered by Kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to them that you are stressed by the overwhelming amount of favors being asked of you. Let them know that you do not find it a problem to assist where possible but some times it becomes too much for you to handle.
If you do not tell them, they will not. Just try talking to him.
2006-12-20 14:13:13 · answer #5 · answered by Rosie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are their connection to the outside world. You should feel privileged that they think highly enough of you and trust you enough to do these things for them. It may be time consuming, but be thankful that you are there to help them out. If you were not available, where would they go?
2006-12-20 15:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by Roberta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand how you feel my family is the same way the only different is they all speak good English. At the frist of the year i'm going to stop this & i have told evryone this maybe you should try it
2006-12-20 13:54:04 · answer #7 · answered by san8483 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its nice that you like to help your family, but you have to learn to say NO sometimes and take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. Learn to pace yourself and let them know that you have a life also and they can seek out other sources of advice, support, communication, etc. You love them, but you must take care of yourself also.
2006-12-20 14:00:47 · answer #8 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to assign them to ESL classes so that they would be comfortable in speaking english and you can let them know that you're availabe to help them on specific days/hours that you say. keep the stress level to a limit
2006-12-20 13:51:23 · answer #9 · answered by smartbluewater 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send them all to school to learn the language we all speak here.
2006-12-20 13:49:51 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋