One child being tested for learning disabilities, one for gifted program....?

Question

How do I protect each of their feelings? One thinks he's stupid and the other just wants to fit in. I've tried explaining that it has nothing to do with how smart a person is, but how each person learns. In addition, I don't want the one going into the gifted program to get a superiority complex. What do I do?

Answer 1

The teacher at the program who trained me always emphasized that her students with learning disabilities, especially the ones with dyslexia and Asperger's syndrome, were above average in intelligence. Their brains were "wired" differently so they could experience, perceive, and make associations in creative ways for a purpose, perhaps to find new ways of looking at things.

If you look at Einstein (who did not speak until he was five, and also failed sixth grade math) and Da Vinci, they problably would not have fit into regular school either. There are other cases of creative geniuses with "multiple intelligences" who are extremely gifted in some areas while they fail miserably in others. So everyone has special gifts and talents or strengths in some areas while having weaknesses in others. Can you focus on an example of something your child enjoys or is good at, while the other one has no skill or interest in it at all? This would illustrate the point.

In general, comparisons cause disasters and should be avoided by all means. The director at our school always kept students apart from each other, working one-on-one with teachers to focus on just their skills and talents, and never allowed comparisons or even discussions of other students for this reason. The focus has to be totally on the student and what he or she likes or doesn't like, and what works or doesn't work, and not bring up any other students at all.

The teachers in our program used the same techniques for both learning disabled and gifted kids -- the critical factor was one-on-one personally designed interaction. We put together notebooks for students to keep track of their work, progress, and special projects, regardless of the reason, issues, or needs they had.

So I would explain that both programs work the same way, where the point is to focus closely or one-on-one with the student, so he or she can enjoy learning and practicing skills in the best way that works. So that is the common factor.

Another story the director told me was when she first started teaching, there was a small boy teased by classmates for having deformed teeth, so she tutored him separately after school so he could concentrate on his own. One day, he cried to her that his father threatened to whip him if he failed his test. So she got permission from the principal to walk him home that day. She asked the father if he had punished his boy when his teeth did not develop the same way his classmates did, or if he did not learn to walk when other kids did. The father said no. She told him that reading and writing skills are the same way -- that every student is different, and develops skills at different times and in different ways, and no two children can be compared. The father apologized and they became good friends. So I tell this story to emphasize that all children are different and should never feel bad if they don't grow or develop the same skills in the same way as someone else. No one does!

Answer 2

I would, first off, get another opinion on any diagnoses of "learning disabled' if it came from a school. While well intentioned, the school may not be the best judge. All children have their own style of learning (visual/audio/tactile) and perhaps this style has not been discovered by the teachers merely because of constraints put upon them by having 25 other kids to teach as well.


I would tell both children that they are each special in their own way, and what is important is how they react to what life brings them. If being in a group that helps them get the skills needed to succeed, (high achieving or not) is what is most important.

Long after school is completed it matters most what they learned, not how it was learned.

I would also recommend the book "The IQ answer, maximizing your child's potential." The author is Dr. Frank Lawlis. Your library should have it.

Answer 3

Each of your children has different needs. Special Ed. programs (of which Gifted services is one, though not many people know that) are supposed to serve the same goal: To provide the best possible means for children to get the most out of their education.

That's not really something to tell a child, but it might give you some ideas on how to approach your situation.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Superiority recognition is needed for his/her mental health. Being ahead is not imoral.

You should protect both of them from the monkeys.... cause monkey do, monkey do...