I had my son when I was 18, his mother was my high school sweet heart and my first. I always thought of my self as a good father. I gave up a full scholarship to college, to work at a local restaurant for pennies to raise son. I made it and he is now 10 yrs. old. But even though I've done my best to be a father to him I feel that I'm not a great DAD. Communication is tough. We clash really bad cause he is my clone. I'm afraid that in the next few years as he grows into a young man he may stray in places that will lead him to trouble. How can I connect with my son to become a mentor and a guide in his young adult life before it's too late? Are all 10 yr olds defiant? Do they seriously have to do stupid things to push buttons and see how far they can push their parents? sorry that last one was stupid...I was the king at that one!!
2006-12-20 05:18:06 · 11 answers · asked by RX-7!! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Maybe that's it. I try to get him to talk to me by pushing subjects on him. I guess I should wait it out and let him ask.
2006-12-20 05:27:49 · update #1
Old Foot!? I hope you dont have kids. I'm not going to give up on my son at 10yrs. old when he's just figuring things out in life. That would really screw him up. "Dad gave up on me so...I'll give up on myself......."Thats why kids are the way the are today. Not mine if I can help it.
2006-12-20 05:37:20 · update #2
Sit him down and tell him, on this night every week we are going to have a family meeting this is a place where you can talk about anything you want..i will not get mad at you or punish you for whatever you say, you can say what is makeing you mad or sad..make him a box where he can write on a piece of paper what bothers him or upsets him and he can put it in the box. but also tell him family discussion is over once we leave the table so lets get everything out now, and no argueing is permitted at the table. Also every mon, tues night (whichever night you choose is movie or game night let him choose what you guys are going to do. I had to do this w/ my kids because my 2 oldest were being defiant, mouthy and mean. My kids are 12, 11, 9, and 5 and it has worked..but once family discussion is over it is OVER and whatever they have not said has to wait untill next family discussion.There is no judgeing, no yelling, no fighting, no interrupting at the discussion. No matter how they are behaveing it is because they need more attention and quality time with you and that is they only way they know to get it...
2006-12-20 08:30:25 · answer #1 · answered by laci 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation. I have a 10 yr old daughter. I was the same age when I had her. I have custody of her, but her father and I have a good relationship. The only thing I can tell you is just try to remember that even through he is 10 he still is a person. What I mean by that is. He has bad days, mood swings, depression and temptations just like adults do. What works for my daughter is treating her like I would want someone to treat me for example. If I'm having a bad day, I wouldn't want some questioning me about it until I'm ready to talk about. If I ask you how was her day and she says it was alright then i know something is up. I'll ask her what happen and she won't want to talk about. So, I just wait. She will come around eventually. Try to let her help make decision concerning her so she can feel some sort of control in her own life. Like you can do this or this, but here is the outcome for whatever you decide. At this age they are very independent. They want to do things for themselves. We can't block this stage for this is when they find out who they are. Just try to raise him right, and the rest will come. Teach him right from wrong and how to be kind.
2006-12-20 05:31:19 · answer #2 · answered by Izzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The year: 2006. The Century: 21st. Now a days young kids have a mind of their own. Even when they are 6. My sister is a single mother and i helped raise my nephew. She would allow him to watch R movies at age 7 and to this day he know what sex is and what thing are in the world. Not that this is a bad thing but sometimes kids need to get information at a young age. Right now 10 is the time where kids make their own decisons and we the parents have to make sure that:
We are not going to tell them "NO AND THATS FINAL!"
Explain to them why we are doing this. To connect to a 10 yrs someone would say, see what hobbies and things he or she likes. not true. see what makes him tick and try to bond with what he does. Encourage him on his favorite things and see what you can do for him. I know you sacrificed alot to raise a family. Try to be with him when he needs you. Spend time and if he thinks that's "Lame" then let him also "See" that you are only helping. Dont point out the obvious. and sooner or later he will realize that my dad is there for me when i need him.
2006-12-20 05:26:33 · answer #3 · answered by hawk1674 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My situation is similar. You recognize he's your clone how you overcome this because your the adult is you communicate at his level and let him have some control. This will show that you are on his level and side which in turn will allow you to mentor him because he will be receptive. Now you have to be the model dad and do the right things as he will imitate your actions. If you do this he will respect you and you will have to trust that you did all you could to ensure that he will make good decisions. Be supportive when he makes a mistake remember you were his age once and don't forget to think back on your time as a kid this will also help you communicate. One other thing it's OK to admit to your son when you've made a mistake and accept responsibility, your son will have more respect than you could imagine.
2006-12-20 05:29:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's the old Karma, coming around. LOL...All kids test their parents to see how far you will let them go. But what they mostly want is consistency. If you say you are going to do something; do it. They also must have structure in their lives, they need disciplined time arrangements. Show him that even though you started out young, you are still a parent he can be proud of. Create time for you and him, by doing something together that interest him, make sure it's something where you two must talk to each other. Nothing that will distract your attention from each other.
2006-12-20 05:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny, I am getting my master in education and this is what we call a Crisis period. Unfortunately all you can do is fight it and hope to instill morals and values in him. But he's going to fight you kicking and screaming all the way. This is very normal and in fact, you need to have this Crisis period to grow up normally and be able to express yourself. It's your job to be there for him and force him to spend time with you. Even if you think he's having a horrible time or complaining or being a pain- you are helping his social development more then you know. Just try doing somethings you might have in common or something new. Sounds silly but take him golfing or something more adult like and see how he reacts. Just keep trying and plugging away at it. Unfortunately men go through this period until adulthood and puberty is only going to get worst!
2006-12-20 05:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok so my brother is 10 and he's doing the same thing, pushing you and testing you to see what his limits really are. my dad bonds with him all the time, they go get new video games and play them to late at night, or he will take him out to ice cream or something like that. little chances for them to hang in a non thretening place where they can talk, but let him start - if you push him it most likely will make him back away, let him come to you and be there ready to love him no matter what.
2006-12-20 05:24:52 · answer #7 · answered by Chocolate Lover :-) 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you answered your own last question I have a 11 year old and a 10 yr old boy so i can tell you yes they do stupid things to push your buttons communication is hard with any kid you just have to let him know your there for him and thats about all you can do ithink yes they are defiant loud annoying and all that fun stuff associated with it!!! i love my kids but it aint easy
2006-12-20 05:26:48 · answer #8 · answered by treez1976 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right kids are always testing parents on how far they can go. A good way to get closer is, find out what he's really into. Sports, get tickets to favorite team of his and go with him. Music, learn something about his favorite bands and hold a conversation about them. Things like that. Get into what he's into and comunicate.
2006-12-20 05:29:28 · answer #9 · answered by Zig Zag 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
iv'e been through 5, ten year olds attitudes
you will have to keep him busy,mind focused on
anything that is a part of the learning and growing process,sports,pet,cooking,building,
fitness,some long lasting hobby,and lots of communication,routine is important
2006-12-20 05:59:39 · answer #10 · answered by Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋