The facts are as such:
-- The first week we were dating he had a big fight with an ex-girlfriend that hurt him badly
-- After three months of not speaking to each other, ex-gf has begun emailing him again
--he admits he still has feelings for her & she for him but says he "chose" me. I believe him, but it still hurts. A lot.
Since we share a computer and both use gmail I regularly have access to his email, so I know every time he gets an email from her. (I also know his password, though that's by accident.) I've been resisting temptation and just signing out without reading any of his emails, but it's really hard. I don't know if I'm motivated by insecurity or curiosity or protectiveness (I'm afraid she'll upset him again). I want to read them, but I dun want to hurt the relationship bcause I'm insecure.
My boyfriend has all of my passwords -- lj, email, access to my AIM logs, and I would have no problem w/him reading anything, tho I'd prefer it if he told me what he read.
Advice?
2006-12-20 05:00:24 · 23 answers · asked by Pip M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Be upfront with him. Tell him that you inadvertently found out his password and have been resisting temptation to read his emails. But since you are so insecure, you may not be ready for such a serious relationship.
2006-12-20 05:03:05 · answer #1 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go looking for something you don't want to find! My advise would be that there is more than likely something in there that will definitely hurt you, so be prepared if you do, and know he can use your snooping as an excuse out of the relationship to rekindle his relationship with his ex. I would talk to him about it and ask him if she's e-mailed him and vice versa and what they have been talking about. If he lies and says no such e-mail exists then likely he's hiding something. Just don't open the can of worms unless you're ready for the dirt!
2006-12-20 05:15:51 · answer #2 · answered by Noodle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to extend hin the same courtesy that you expect from him.
If you don't want him reading your email without asking, or at least telling you that he's going to check it for you, you have to do the same for him.
Sit down and talk to him about your feelings regarding his ex. Tell him you're worried about him. Hey, if you feel comfortable with it, even tell him it makes you a little insecure. Then get in to the issue of the emails.
You guys have to have an honest talk about this, or your bad feelings won't go away.
2006-12-20 05:06:40 · answer #3 · answered by peter n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that you are uncomfortable with the situation that he is in with his ex-girlfriend. Explain to him that its not just because you are insecure about it but also because you want to protect his feelings from getting hurt and with her you don't know if she will hurt him again.
But if you sit there and do nothing than the anxiety will build and chances are very likely that something stupid will happen with the two of you being very angry with each other.
If you are going to check his email, tell him afterwards. Try and ease it in because my ex-boyfriend checked my email and he never brought it up. So I talked about personnal things with my sister and he ended up reading it and got very angry with me. Best thing to do, just don't read his email. Because it will feel like you are taking over a private part of his life.
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you. And message me if you ever want to chat.
S
2006-12-20 05:09:57 · answer #4 · answered by sarahosaurus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship without trust will never thrive. If he has feelings for his ex, you are already doomed. I would be 100% honest and have a heart to heart with him about what the expectations are for the future of your relationship. If he chose you, he should be telling his ex to not email at all.
2006-12-20 05:06:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok...i kinda understand...u know what??u need to work things out only by talking...and talking...First of all...if he "chose" u then he shouldnt give a damn to her mails more than necessary...he might have a soft spot but he shouldnt be on the wall and jump to u or her...so u gotta make him sit an tell him how insecure u r...if he assures u that he will be with u...then give him sometime...he needs to shake off and come...life is all about trust...even after ur marriage there is no guarentee that he will be with u...its only trust between the two...same way u gotta trust him....but if u still dont feel good...meet him and his ex girl friend together and talk it out and end it...dont drag it over time....and lastly dont overdo things....if he really wants u...then dont spoil it by suspecting him too much....
so its a sensitive issue and u have to take it slowly and steadily....
2006-12-20 05:09:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have yourself a love triangle. Take yourself out of the equation and move on. If you have been dating over a year and love him, then this has been to long for him to still have feeling for his ex-gf. If this is a new relationship then at least he was honest. Truth of the matter is, you shouldn't have to share.
2006-12-20 05:06:20 · answer #7 · answered by Izzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your man when he says that he loves you, but you need to talk to him and let him know that he needs to close out the last relationship or things might get a little ugly, I think that you need to leave the email alone you might see something that you don't wont to see. Communicate with him often to let him know that it bothers you that he is still excepting emails for the ex.
2006-12-20 05:04:26 · answer #8 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What u dont know wont hurt u...but until when could u resist taking a peak at those emails? Honestly, the important thing is he had chosen u. He's there with you. Dont focus your attention on that, rather on the growth of your relationship.
But talk to him about this stuff that's bothering you...
Smile!
2006-12-20 05:04:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you are not going to like this answer, but when a guy tells you he still has feelings for an ex, you need to break up with him and let him work it out with her or give him time to move on from her.
Why be there as a person he can use to pass time with when you know his heart is somewhere else.
2006-12-20 05:05:21 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥ Nikki ♥♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋