Okay - i work at a teen parents housing/drug rehab supported project in Gloucester ... we have just given a flat to a girl who has a 2/3month old baby. i was looking through her file (i have to do this as i a)work there and b)was trying to sort out her support plan. I saw her baby's surname was the same as my longterm boyf's - now i dont wanna jump to conclusions but suffice to say, his surname is very VERY unusual, she previousy lived just up road from him, he has no brothers or cousins who live in the area and when i interviewed her a few weeks ago she said her baby's father name was Paul - the same as my boyf's...in other words i reckon it MUST be him! i am really really concerned as a few months bk we had a bit of a rough patch tho now we are great again - but totally scared that the baby is maybe his!!! So my question is... how the hell do i find out - i cant just ask him as it'll ruin our relationship if i'm wrong (as well as it being confidential info!) but i cant not know!!!!!
2006-12-20 04:59:58 · 18 answers · asked by *~_**_Jester_**_Girl_**_~* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oh and before ppl jump onto the fact that baby is 2 months and i said we had a rough patch months ago - i mean MONTHS and months ago ... ie back in about January last year!
2006-12-20 05:01:11 · update #1
No - there is no risk to my job... it'd just maybe be a kind of conflict of interest, me supporting this girl and helping her screw (excuse the pun!) my boyf outta all his money.... its just a nightmare situation and i cant stop shaking-i am so upset!!! also - as a point of note - my boyf and i never split up... we just were arguing a bit...nothing MAJOR though - it was just notable as we are usually the "perfect" couple according to mates....this'll make that assumption crash and burn i guess if its true....
2006-12-20 05:15:00 · update #2
by the way - i KNOW it isnt easy being a single parent - i AM one and i receive no support - cash or otherwise from my ex - he hasnt ever seen his kid (his choice!) So although i empathise with the girl, she also got herself in this situation and to be honest, selfish as it may seem, i am more concerned with MY relationship at the moment!!!!!!!
2006-12-20 06:09:32 · update #3
You should tell him that this unwed teen mother has listed the father's name as his, how unusual. If you can't even talk to the guy about this, break up with him anyway. You can't go around being too 'scared' to communicate with a so-called boyfriend.
2006-12-20 05:04:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have answered your own question.
He is only human.
For the baby to use his surname, he must have attended the registry office with her, and signed the register.
So he will know about the baby (if it's his).
Personally I would not jump to conclusions. You could show the girl a photo of your boyfriend! Then see how she reacts when you ask if she knows who he is!
See if she says no and it's a lie, she will still wonder how you have a photo of this man! And act confused or embarrassed about the whole thing.
This girl is having a hard time right now as you know, but If you susect he has been sleeping around, it will be important to realise that he may have contracted a STD and you should work through this to protect yourself.
I would suggest that if this girl was with your boyfriend, that you pass this particular case onto a colleague for personal reasons.
2006-12-20 05:14:25 · answer #2 · answered by My name's MUD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll never know until you know. Very difficult; I presume you are bound by confidentiality in your work, so ethically you should not be discussing clients with anyone outside the project. She became pregnant 11-12 months ago. What was happening with Paul at that time? You could ask him straight out if he knows the girl and her baby. You are afraid to ruin the relationship but until you get clear about this, your doubts and anxieties will eat away the heart of it. Secrets like this smell bad and turn rotten, best to sort it out. It might help you to talk to and with a third party.
2006-12-20 05:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by madresicilia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something to consider is that he might not even know about the baby. Is there any way to ask the girl more about how the baby was conceived, where the father is, etc?
If not, I might bring up the fact that one of your clients has a baby with his surname -- not in an accusatory way, but in a casual, "wow, isn't that a coincidence, wonder if the kid's related to you?" kind of way and see what his reaction is.
2006-12-20 05:06:41 · answer #4 · answered by Pip M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you cold just bring it up casually. The only thing is is there any risk to your job at all?
maybe you should get a opinion from a trusted work colleague first or you manager first tell them you suspicion and see what they say about it. Are you allowed to bring it up at all. out of work?
To be honest it sounds like too much of a coincidence I really hope it is though
Ok seeing as there is no risk to your job then just ask him straight...it is a big co-incidence and you are bound to be suspicious. Good luck
2006-12-20 05:11:28 · answer #5 · answered by Nemo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't ruin the relationship if it's not his. Explain the coincidence. Although, I'm sorry to say that I doubt that you'll have to explain any coincedence at all. It sounds like the baby is his. And if he's kept it from you all this time, he's not worth the trouble. Good luck. I'm hoping it's just an eery coincidence.
2006-12-20 05:06:13 · answer #6 · answered by godiva 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well you sound as if you suit each other, he must be a selfish pig if he don't see his child, and why are you worried about his feelings, his lying to you and he has put your life in danger if he had sex with another woman not using any protection,she could have had anything, and you could catch it, as for the poor child it deserves to know who it's father is , and why shouldn't he pay for it he made the mistake so he should take the consequences, ask the girl who the childs father is as you think you know him then tell her the story ,his the one who could have betrayed you not the girl then get her to tell him,
2006-12-20 06:51:57 · answer #7 · answered by twinsters 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been threw it to. I'm only 15 teen and my boyfriend may have a baby as well but you can't worry you will find out every thing real soon.my boyfriend started to change to and started to pick argument's for no reason then he just broke up with me for no reason one day that's how i fought out about the baby.where still together but ever thing is different now.he don't think the baby is his so he Say's, just be strong and keep your head up...
2006-12-20 05:34:16 · answer #8 · answered by light_beautiy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out from the girl. Just get a one on one with her and be completely calm. Just tell her that you know its not really your business but does the father know about the baby? He might not even know about it. Then if he does tell her girl to girl, men and business aside, that you think it might be your boyfriend. You haven't said anything to him and you really aren't legally allowed to but the not knowing is killing you. Show her a picture of him and straight out ask. Don't make her feel uncomfortable or anything and listen to what she has to say. You might learn something about what kind of man you're with.
2006-12-20 05:07:14 · answer #9 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Violet Pearl just mention it in conversation you dont have to give the girls name. Just say how strange it is with his name being unusual. Ask him if he has anything he wants to tell you because you will not be able to take this girls case on if their is a connection.
2006-12-20 05:08:35 · answer #10 · answered by Ding Dong 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋