My friend is married to a man who has two daughters. Their mother died and my friend has been raising them since they were 2 and 5 years old.
She recently had her first biological child, even though her husband told her before they married that he didn't want any more children. She said she had to have one of her own.
Her baby is 8 months old and her other two children are 6 and 9. She constantly talks about her baby and always says, "I have to go pick up my baby, she is so cute, I love her so much!" and doesn't mention the other kids.
She just seems to go on and on about her baby and how perfect she is, but now the older kids are less talked about if at all.
Is this normal? Does my friend favor her biological child more? Or do moms typically fuss over their babies more than their older children?
2006-12-20 04:17:14 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
P.S. All 3 of the children are girls...
2006-12-20 04:18:00 · update #1
it is natural. It is her blood. and babys are much easier to talk about. I am sure she still loves the other girls, but a baby is a baby. She must be very proud. She might favor a little, but it is her kids. I would suggest staying out of it. It is her life. I am sure she loves them all.
2006-12-20 04:21:43 · answer #1 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
It's the human tendency to favor your own children more than say your husband's children from a previous marriage, you feel like you need to protect your biological children more because you protected them for 9 months, while someone else did for the step kids. Although, I'm not a step mother. I have 3 kids, a 5 year old son and 7 month old twin girls, I do admit when the twins were first born I adorned them then when they turned 3 months old I split the attention, but now I'm 6 months pregnant again and the same thing will probably happen again.
2006-12-20 04:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's perfectly natural what your friend is doing. ALL mothers fuss over their new babies, whether there are other biological or stepchildren in the house already or not. This phase will pass in a few months, but since this is her only biological child, she will naturally have a closer bond with her. If it goes on and she is OBVIOUSLY neglecting the other children, then I'd be worried. But right now, she's a proud Mommy of her FIRST and ONLY biological child, which will always hold a special place in her heart no matter how many more children she has.
2006-12-20 04:25:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Most moms fuss over babies more than older children, but yes, it could be that she's favoring her own baby over another woman's children. If the husband is concerned about this behavior, he should have a talk with his wife and tell her what he sees.
As a friend, you're just going to make her feel defensive if you bring it up. You can ask her particularly about her older children if you notice her cooing too much in front of them. It might remind her that she has other responsibilities, too...just be very polite and careful. Good luck--
2006-12-20 04:26:23 · answer #4 · answered by KD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have seen her "in action" with all of the girls, I wouldn't jump to a conclusion that she favors her bio child more than the others. I think it is quite usual for any mother to talk about the new baby the most. It seems like before the baby came, the other girls were talked about since you say she talks about them less now. If you are concerned, in your next conversation with her ask how the other girls are doing and add something like "Can you believe that your other girls are 6 and 9 and your new baby will once be where they are today?" Something inquisitive to talk about them also.
2006-12-20 04:30:32 · answer #5 · answered by downinmn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people can deny this all they want! yes you can love your adopted children, step children with all of your heart, but any woman that has given birth to a child cannot tell me that they don't have a special bond with that child. the kids will see it too I was adopted and I know my dad loves me but my sister is his biological daughter and he has done way more for her. even at Christmas he buys for her 4 kids I have one I think he should spend a little more on my one because he is buying for her four just like on Easter he put all of their names on Easter eggs except my daughters then made the comment that oh if we knew you were stopping buy we would have made Amanda an Egg. well 2 things happened I thought to myself oh they only think of her when she is there? but what really pissed me off is they did put the dogs name on an egg. now this bothers me and I am 45 years old so it does affect the children I always feel like I am on the back burner.
2006-12-20 04:29:12 · answer #6 · answered by kissybertha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not be nice but yes it is normal. It is very hard to develop maternal instincts with someone elses children. This bond begins at birth and when it comes later in life it is difficult for the step parent and the children to adapt. I dont think your friend means any harm, I think she is just acting accordingly to the bond she has with her child. However she does need to try to treat the children equally if she wants to stay in the marriage because her husband has a bond with all three of the children.
2006-12-20 04:34:04 · answer #7 · answered by mpatterson0828 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off its normal to fuss over a baby that way. She probably does feel more of a bond with her biological child. How could she not. As long as she doesn't mistreat or neglect the other two children now that she has her own child I wouldn't worry. Its natural to be more bonded with your own child.
2006-12-20 04:23:10 · answer #8 · answered by bzas1girl 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
she probably still loves the other girls too but a baby is easy 2 talk about and the thing is that baby is hers not ne one else's i bet she still loves the others as well shell get over it and if u still feel weird about it just mention the other gurls in a conversation 2 get that going other wise leave it alone
2006-12-20 04:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by Nicoble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's wrong to favor kids, I know my stepdad never favored his one true son over us girls. We werent his own, but he took us in and loved us as his own. He calls us his daughters, and to me I have two dads. Thats the way I believe it should be. This woman, lets hope, is just excited about her baby for awhile. If this continues, ask questions about the other kids, because parents should never favor one child over another, I know that would have broken my heart as a young girl.
2006-12-20 04:24:57 · answer #10 · answered by metalstefl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋