Older Woman, Younger Guy. Is 9 years too much?

Question

I'm 20 but currently have my own profitable business, finishing up college which only took me two years, and have my own place. I met a woman, 29, about a year ago. we're perfect together but she hesitates to date me because of what her parents might think of our age difference. Keep in mind we're both Armenian and there are some pre-assumed definitions of what love should be (BS).Not saying all armo's are like this, but still, how can I confront this problem? I know people are going to say "just F! them, be happy together" but i want to fight this with words and undeniable logic. Please help! She's all I think about! Advice?

Answer 1

Hello... =)

Logical arguments...

1) I was married to a woman who was 13 years older than I, and it was NEVER an issue....(she died, but not of old age....LOL)

2) Women live longer than men, anyway..

3) There really aren't that many Armenians in the country, so it is rare enough that you have found each other, and have fallen in love.

4) You are finished college, and are certainly able to support her, should you need to.

5) This is America, and not Armenia

6) Finding anyone to love in this world is a rare Jewel, and Gemstones aren't valued by their age.

7) At least, when she gets older, you'll be there to help take care of HER, instead of her having to take care of YOU, if you were the older one.

8) Since she is already 29, it will be easier for her, if you have kids, if you are younger, to help chase after them (this is not a valid concept, but it might make sense to older Armenians)....

9) You are a very mature person, regardless of your age.

10) Just F! them, and be happy together (not really, but have you considered lying about your age??) A lie to spare the feelings of others is not without merit.

Namaste,

--Tom

Answer 2

Well, I get what you're saying, and I do think that a 50 year old with a 20-something year old is a bit extreme (even though it does happen), but as you get older the gap closes. For example a 22 year old and a 14 year old sounds gross- it is gross, but what about a 32 year old with a 24 year old? Same age difference, but it doesn't sound as disgusting. I do believe that at some point in time (50 and 20-something) it's not love, it's something else (money). But that's my opinion. I've never been in that extreme of a situation to say for fact though.

Answer 3

At your age, you shouldn't have a serious girlfriend. Age 25 is the minimum age where you should start thinking about having a serious girlfriend, because by then you'll have seen what life can offer you. You'll be better grounded professionally by then, and younger girls will start to notice. This 29 year old is on her slippery slope downward in terms of looks, but for the time being, she's perfect. I wouldn't do anything drastic like marry her for now. Older women go for the younger men because they want to remind themselves that they've still got "it". I hope you do the right thing for yourself.

Answer 4

One of the happiest couples I have ever been around were separated by at least 25 years. He was the younger, and neither one could keep their hands off the other. On a couple of occasions I could have used a bucket of ice water to break them up. Their public displays of affection came close to embarrassing me on more than one occasion.

When she died, it nearly killed my friend and as far as know he has never remarried. I know that a full 5 years after her death, he was still a lost soul with no particular direction in his life. I doubt his love for her will ever diminish, let alone subside to the point where he could remarry.

Nine years is NOTHING AT ALL. Go forth. Be happy. It is the only thing worth having in this life...

Answer 5

She needs to get over her own insecurites about this. Some people are mature at the age of 20, as you seems to be. Also remember taht as we get older, age matters less and less. My grandprents ha 12 years between them, and were happily married for over 50 years... when you're 90 and still in love with one another, age will seem really insignificant. Whats more important is that you are in a similar place in your lives and that your paths are heading in the same direction. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Yes, I have advice. But first, why do you want to make this a fight?? And whom do you have to convince??? About what???

You are obviously seeing each other now (on some basis), so what's wrong with continuing in this way?? Is it possible you will get an introduction with her parents even as just " my friend?"

Remember, the less of an explanation you give, the better off you are. The best reply either of you could give is this "I'm not dating anyone now and he/she is great company, so I have someone to talk to".

Be patient, Lad.

Answer 7

Dude, I'm 35 and my gf is 44 and we've been together over 4 yrs. It's the best relationship I've ever been in. She's my best friend and the sex is the best I've ever had to top it off !!! And with an older woman you don't have to play all of the games that you would have to if it was someone younger. Older women know what they want and how to get it. Enjoy.

Answer 8

If you both want to be with each other, You need to both sit down and talk with your parents. 9 years isn't THAT big of a difference. My parents (mom and stepdad) are 15 years apart..and they've been happily married for over 16 years. And obviously they're not the only ones.

Answer 9

If you get on well, it can work. A friend of mine married a man 10 years younger than her and they have a fabulous marriage. She takes good care of herself and in his case, he is just a bit mature beyond his years. They like a lot of the same things and just totally adore each other. In the grand scope of things, men tend to die 7 to 10 years before women anyhow, so they look at it like they should probably die close to the same time, not leaving either with YEARS of loneliness and heartache in old age.

Answer 10

WOW....sounds like you really care for her...my parents are 7 years apart...i know that is not as much as 9 but...If you love her age should not be a problem....i would take it slow....and get to know her better....hold off on sex until you think that she is ready and even then DON'T push it! One of my friends and her husband are 10 YEARS APART! They are happily married and they have 2 kids that are doing GREAT in school....there is not reason that her parents or yours should change your mind about her. Go for it and like i said take it slow....you never know you might just find that you don't really even like her....and you might find that she is your soul mate....if you believe that there is a such thing.