Hi, I want to know the general ground rules for a long distance relationship? I just want to determine if I am being too jealous. I do not want to control my girlfriend. But I would just like to protect our relationship from temptation.
Initially, I did not allow her to go out with a male friend alone together for lunch, dinner or drinking at night. I do not allow her to get too drunk. I also want her to come home early and call me if she will be late. These I do not do. Somehow, the two last rules she were not able to follow. On top of this, I allowed her to go with her female friend to have a vacation in Japan. One day they went to Universal Studios. And there, She told me that she and her friend was approached by her two countrymen (they are koreans) that might be able to guide them around japan (because the korean from japan can speak japanese) at one day. The strange thing was from the pictures they were all together throughout the day. Is this ok with you?
2006-12-20 03:49:56 · 18 answers · asked by a_l_t_e_r_n_o 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
my girfriend is korean and our long distance relatioship is about 4 hour international flight. i decided not to give her restrictions because somehow we do not agree with the groundrules. trust played a big role in our decision so i trusted her for everything. but tonight i called her and she was not able to answer after a few tries and when i got to talk to the she was a bit drunk. please advise.
2006-12-20 03:54:03 · update #1
the strangers who acted like a "tourguide" spent time with them day and night. universal studios, lunch and dinner. i feel strange. they are not officially tourguide and why would they trust strangers that easily?
2006-12-20 03:56:27 · update #2
im sorry i didnt add that we are ENGAGED.
2006-12-20 03:59:16 · update #3
the answers below were posted before i added the additional details. if there is anything that additional details might affect the answers, please revise your answer or post a new one. i want to say thank you to everyone who responded so quickly. and for everyone who will answer. i need answers or opinions. you don't have to explain.
2006-12-20 04:22:32 · update #4
You are going to drive yourself nuts. Try to spend your time while she is away making new friends, even women. Join a club or a theater class. Go to parties and try to socialize. If these are your last days as a single man, don't waste them considering what she might be doing. Let her have some fun if she is, you are not married yet. You don't want her wondering "what if". If she still loves you and wants to marry you when she returns - great - if not, then you are better off. You didn't say how long you will be apart. Weeks? Months? Years? Anyway to actually answer your question - basic ground rules: you should each see other people, even if you're engaged, don't worry so much about being intimate with someone else or letting her do the same. It's good that she made friends. If she was unfaithful she may be feeling guilt - life is a process and a journey. It's good to have a "plan" - this way, at least, you'll know what's NOT going to happen ... :-)
2006-12-20 05:11:23 · answer #1 · answered by sparetom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe general long distance ground rules are... trust, trust and trust. Honestly, a long distance relationship is something that is a strong bond between two people OR becomes a well maintained lie that protects both parties. I believe she should be able to go anywhere she wants to go, as LONG as she tells the people she is with that she is definitely involved in a relationship. I would want to know what she would tell someone if she were say, asked to dinner or on a date. Would she just say "oh, fine it's nothing" or would she make clear "well, I just would like to let you know I'm in a relationship right now."
I think it's a good thing that she even sent you the pictures and told you about her outing. I believe that shows that she is trying to keep you connected in her life and wants to include you on what's going on.
The rules that should be followed long distance are the same rules that should be followed up close, except on the honor system...
2006-12-20 03:56:32 · answer #2 · answered by Jeanelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you are being way too controlling. You are literally micro-managing her life and her daily schedule. If I were a woman and lived with you, and if you did that to me, I would have left you a long time ago. So I feel sorry for your girlfriend.
The problem is that you don't trust your girlfriend and if a relationship has no trust you will always be thinking that she is cheating even if all she is doing is trying on new clothes in some mall.
The best thing is to go on with your life and let her go on with hers without you telling her what to do. Stay in touch regularly but asking her to keep you updated with her schedule is ridiculous and unacceptable. Also make sure that you guys meet regularly and spend quality time.
If these things make you uncomfortable then don't be in a long distance relationship - they are only for those couples who have a rock solid trust.
2006-12-20 03:56:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that that long distance relationship rules depend on the couple. The biggest issue here is trust. I go out to lunch with male friends all the time, just as friends. Often times people want tour guides in their pictures. I wouldn't worry about that one, but again it comes back to trust.
2006-12-20 03:53:29 · answer #4 · answered by Carolyn R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you might be a little over the top..i understand being jealous and you care for her but u cant notlet her do those things because it is going to 1. drive her away more... and 2. make her think u dont trust her...just trust her and even though u may not do tthose things she does realize that communication and trust are the two key elements to a relationship
2006-12-20 03:53:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're seting yourself up for a fall here. Controlling someones life never works. Find someone closer to home, you will both be happier, and, if the relationship is strong, no matter who you see, kiss, or sleep with, you two will still care for and want eachother
2006-12-20 03:58:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
gosh, that is hard. i'm sure you've been with her long enough to trust her. girls are easier to catch if they're cheating - they don't lie. i would suggest that you lay off from too much control, but make sure you make her tell you about the details of her day. Sting said "if you love somebody, set them free." Good luck.
2006-12-20 03:54:12 · answer #7 · answered by thomas 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not okay with me. I have decided I will not allow you to allow her to do things.
What are you, her boyfriend or her freaking probation officer?
Try something wild like "I love you and trust you." Then do it.
Sheesh.
2006-12-20 03:54:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope you can take this but ALL YOUR DEMANDS WILL CAUSE HER TO DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE thing you want; besides we're girls and far far away........ Do reverse psychology on her ("care-less") and you'll give HER reasons to call you instead (and isnt THAT what u really want her to do? :)
2006-12-20 03:55:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are too controlling if you use words like "allow" her to go with a girlfriend...think about it.
2006-12-20 03:53:22 · answer #10 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋