Advice about daughter and mom?

Question

I asked this once in another category, but it didn't post, so I'm trying it here instead.

My mother is in the hospital and might not make it. She's very confusd (She' suffered a stroke since she's been there) and she has moments where she's fine then the next minute she doesn't now anyone and she's mean and nasty. When she's having her "good" moments, she asks to see my daughter and my daughter has been asking to see her. Knowing she might not ever make it home, I feel like they should see each other one more time, but I'm afraid that we'll show up at a "bad" time and my Mom will say something mean or not know my daughter and it will scare my daughter. What would you guys do? Should I take her and risk it? Or leave it be and risk THAT? My daughter is only 3, I doubt that she'll understand the situation very well either way I go with it.

Answer 1

I know how difficult this decision is for you. My Father had a stroke when I was a teenager, he was in his late 30's. I chose to go and see him and my Mother insisted that she be there in case his mood changed. Unfortunately you can not predict what effect seeing your daughter will have on your Mother. After a stroke their emotions can be very crossed. My Father cried anytime he was feeling anything. He cried if he was happy, sad, when he felt like laughing. Seeing him cry and be so frustrated that he was crying was devastating to me. Another thing to think about is if your Mother's appearance has changed to the extent that your daughter may not recognize her right away. My father lost over 50 pounds, he did not look like himself to me.
I know I didn't tell you what you should do, or even what I would do in that situation. My only advice is to go with your gut. You have been around your Mother and have seen the changes in personality occur. Think about what if anything seems to trigger those changes and think about any possible options to limit those triggers. Basically you are between a rock and a hard place, with either choice you could possibly have regrets. I would just ask myself which regret is more likely and which regret I am more willing to have. I hope that this has helped a little. My thoughts are with you and I hope that your Mother has a full recovery.

Answer 2

I agree with the first answer. Have someone go with you and wait in the hall with your daughter if your mom is having a good day bring her in if not try again. Even if you have to Try a few times you should at least give your mom and your daughter the Chance to see each other since you don't think your mom will be around much longer.

Answer 3

If grandma is an important part of your daughters life then take her to see her. Have your hubby watch her in the hallway while you check to see if mom's in a good mood. Sounds like the mood changes pretty rapidly. So just check first and if it's good take her in, but explain to her (daughter) that grandma may say some stuff she doesn't mean. It may be a little game for her so as not to frighten her. Good luck.

Answer 4

I would definitely take the chance. Just go with a loved one and keep your daughter in the hall until you can check your mom out. Don't explain to your daughter where you are going. That way, you can just leave again if your mom is not having a good day, no questions asked.

I know I would hope my family did everything they could to let me see my granddaughter before I passed. You can work it out.

Answer 5

First of all let me extend my prayers and good thoughts for you and your family. I can't imagine how you must feel at this moment.

Personally, I would let your daughter and mother visit. Be sure to be in the room though just in case you need to make a hasty exit. I guess that my thoughts is that she will be able to get over it if you mom says something wrong; especially if you sit her down and explain it to her. However, if you don't let her see her grandmother then that's something that both of you will regret for the rest of your lives.

I hope that helps. Again, please know you and your family are in my prayers today.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Have someone go with you. You go in first (have the other person stay out in the hall with your daughter) and see how your mother is doing. If she's in a "good" mood, ask her if she'd like to see your daughter, and then bring her in. If she does have a "quck change" in attitude. Have the other person take your daughter out, and then explain to your daughter later that her grandma is just sick and didn't mean to say anything wrong.

Answer 8

if they're asking for each other then i'd take her. when my grandmother was sick she wanted to talk to me and only me on the phone and i couldn't understand why because i had 12 other cousins she could have wanted to talk to. i guess she knew that i needed her the most. those last conversations that i had with my grandmother will be one of the things that sticks out in mind because although she was lucid she was still my granny and we laughed and joked and for a time i forgot she was sick. so take your daughter to the hospital.

Answer 9

I totally agree with jgrand0. One suggestion though, bring a camera. At the end my grandfather was like your mom. Sometimes he was ok, alot of times it was awful. I took my kids to visit him the summer before we moved. We got pictures of us together (my mom, sister, and sister's kid came too). He was dead within 7 months. The kids will probably not remember him as adults, but at least we have that picture.

Answer 10

I think you should give it a shot before its to late. If you don't take a chance now you might not get a chance later. If I was in your situation I would take a chance but its your decision.