I'm been currently dating this person for 6 months and really hit it off. Everything was perfect. Then he had to leave the state for work and left me to take care of his things while he's out. No problem I said. Well, some of the item he left behind because he would not be using is his cellphone. Someone would call, I would take message or let it go to voicemail. Well, this one call I happen to answer and it was a past girlfriend he was with and she herself admitted they were no longer an item. Okay, right? Well she perseives to tell me she was calling in regards to his SON. What son? I ask myself. Apperently this person is 6 months pregnant and he fail to let me know. I spoke to him and he said he was sorry but that this child is not his. Typicall guy answer. He is due to come back next week. Forgive or forgett?
2006-12-20 03:35:39 · 63 answers · asked by nuclearhead79 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the real question here is - which part of this thing really bothers you? are you upset because he kept it from you - and afraid that if he kept this he could keep more secrets in the future? is it his reaction to his possible child and how he would treat you in a similar case? or - just maybe - is it the fact that in case he turns out to be the father, your life, apart from his, would change too? you need to clarify this first....but just think of something: if he wanted to keep such a secret for much longer, or if he was having another affair, would he leave his cell phone with you? NO WAY! he seems to be simply indifferent. so, it is mainly his reaction towards this baby - and your mutual future...6 months a little time to take decisions on your life together... which you would have to do, if he turns out to be the father. but, that would be interesting: see how he reacts to the possibility of a paternity test, and then how he treats this other lady regardless of the result. good luck!
2006-12-20 03:49:21 · answer #1 · answered by Vassia* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both, because he may be honest when he tells you the baby isnt his. If he honestly thinks the baby isnt his thats probably why he didnt mention it. Give him the chance he needs to find out if the baby is his after the baby is born and go from there. Some people don't like gettin involved with other people that have kids. And others it don't bother. But he wasn't at fault for not telling you since he doesnt know for sure. And when it all boils down to it and say the kid is his the question you should be asking is does that really matter. It's not the babies fault he or she is here now is it. Dont let a baby ruin a good relationship. Because 9 out of 10 times you'll end up loving that baby too.
2006-12-20 03:42:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish that there was some magic answer for your problem. I just want to say that this did happen before you two were together. He can not change the past. But he should have been honest with you about the possibility of his ex being pregnant. But, if you want this relationship to work then you must forgive him and give him a chance to do what is right. If you love someone enough then you must always stand by them and work out the issues together. Every couple goes thru difficult times, it's the ones that stick it out and let struggles bring them closer that ultimately end up lasting. Let him know how impt trust is in a relationship and that he can feel safe sharing his problems with you. Some times taking a chance on someone turns out to end in happiness and other times well, we end up being hurt and made a fool of. But one who never takes a chance never loses but never gains anything. If you really love this guy then stick it out and be there for him.
2006-12-20 03:48:50 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Crickett 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is pretty serious. Don't get me wrong, "forgiving and forgetting" is mandatory. Forgiveness isn't for him - that's for you. Holding onto hurts and grudges and bad feelings only does the damage to YOU. It would be like trying to pay someone back for doing you wrong by plunging the knife into your own gut. Aint' worth it - don't do it!
However, there are other considerations here. If he really DOES have a child, whether he's willing to admit that to you or not, then you need to consider the implications to you: First, if you and he remain together, won't that basically be like being with someone who is divorced and now you have a stepchild? The mother and he would certainly continue to have contact, whether they were on good terms or not. He would have financial responsibilities...would you be expected to help take care of the child on predetermined weekends or holidays (etc). Get the picture?
If you're taking him on for keeps, you'd better know what the package deal is. If he's innocent - GREAT. If not, then he's deliberately been lying to you, and that's something else again.
You don't have to hold a grudge to play it smart and get out of a bad deal! Love yourself enough to expect nothing but the best! (Liars and philanderers and deadbeat dads - if indeed he is all these terrible things - aren't going to change, and you don't want to keep them on your platter.
Forgive? YES regardless. Move on? Depends on what you're willing to put up with, but if he's guilty, I say cut him loose to ruin someone else's life....because believe me, if he's guilty, he will.
Good luck to you!
2006-12-20 03:46:07 · answer #4 · answered by CassandraM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him the benefit of the doubt until the baby is born and has a paternity test. I hate to say this, not knowing all the parties involved, but I wouldn't put it past some women to try to pass off another man's baby as a previous boyfriend or husband's for whatever reasons. But, if the baby is his, it was conceived before he started his relationship with you, so it's not like he cheated on you, so there's nothing to forgive except his not telling you she was pregnant but he was doubtful of the baby's paternity. If he can explain in rational terms why he doubts he's the father, let it go until the baby is born. One way or another, a paternity test should clear up any questions you have, then you have to decide where your relationship goes from there.
2006-12-20 03:55:42 · answer #5 · answered by rockjock_2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you find out if it's his or not, then you have a choice, forgiving is easy, forgetting you may never do. How do you forget something like "oh by the way I have a son" You will be reminded all the time, at least once a month for the child support check. Do you remember the first time someone hit you and it hurt, did you forgive them, but you remember. Forgive? Yes all the time everytime, forget the lesson or the trait never.
2006-12-20 03:41:03 · answer #6 · answered by claimusic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he comes back just sit down and have a talk. Just because she is pregnant does not mean he is the father, that is what blood tests are for once the baby is born, and besides. what's it to you? If you love the guy and you are together than that is that. If you break up with him and it does turn out not to be his kid. how will you feel then? If it is his child, then he should take responsibility financially regarding the matter, and he is forever linked to that girl, but that does not mean that you two are not meant for one another. Do not jump to conclusions. you might be just upset and no one likes surprises like this, but we all have a past, right?
Good Luck
2006-12-20 03:43:16 · answer #7 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its possible that it is not his..women do lie to trap men, If he thought it was not his he probally felt he had no reason to tell you that his ex girlfriend was pregnant. However us women think differently and he should have mentioned that his ex was pregnant and she was claiming it his so you could be aware. Plus you may not want to be a step-girlfriend, you should be aware what if the baby is his how can he be sure its not? I would tell him how you found out, and how you wished hed told you so you can deal with it together, and forgive and forget and deal with it when the baby gets here. It's not Jr's fault and if it is his he should step up and be a good active father, if not then celebrate and move on.
2006-12-20 03:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance to explain, this may or may not be his child. He may not know for sure. That is what DNA is for. And could be a case of Mommy's baby daddy's maybe. You should allow him some time to explain. You do not even know this female, why would you just take her word for it? Many females can be very nasty. I say, give him a chance to explain why he did not mention it. And go from there. Follow your heart. This may be the very reason they are no longer together, she may have gotten pregnant and was with other men. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-20 03:41:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither. You should make him ring her when he gets back while you are present and get to explain why she thinks she might be pregnant by him and ask her to get a paternity test once the baby is born and if it is his then he has some serious explaining to do. Mind you if she is 6 months preg and you have only been dating 6 months then he could have been with her before you got together.
A paternity test is the way to go.
2006-12-20 03:45:47 · answer #10 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋