First christmas with your new wife, you have an 8 year old daughter from your first marriage who you send to her birth mother's to visit every other xmas and for the summers... This xmas the birth mother doesn't really live anywhere, she doesn't have a home... you decide to get a room at a Motel8 with $200 for food (standard 2 double beds and a bathroom, no kitchen or 'fridge) for 10 days in the area and still send the child for christmas... What do you think of this?
2006-12-20 02:27:58 · 15 answers · asked by throughthebackyards 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The dad is sending the kid away to stay in the hotel with the homeless mother. (This was me at the age of 8, wondering what other people thought...)
2006-12-20 02:33:03 · update #1
The area isn't in the same as the home of the child- it's in another state.
2006-12-20 03:13:18 · update #2
the room is for the mom and the daughter??
I think its nice.. sad for the mom really though... homeless and all.. 10 days is probably too long in a hotel room - unless there is a pool an stuff to do...7 would be the max...
2006-12-20 02:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by CF_ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. From your Dad’s point of view, wither or not you like your ex-wife, she will always be the mother of your child.
2. In the eyes of a child, parents are always perfect. It isn't until they are older that a child can see they are flawed and begin to doubt the parents.
3. Visitation rights are something set by the courts.
4. The time you spend with your parents does not have a price tag. How do you place a value on the time that you spend with your mom?
5. The most difficult thing when a couple separates is to try to find a fair way to share time with their kids. The reason why most churches are not an advocate for divorce is be cause they are not wanting children to be placed in a position to ask the questions that your are asking yourself now.
The 10 days that you spent with your mom while she was homeless while your Dad was paying the bill was priceless in the eyes of you Mom. It was probably the greatest gift she could have received that Christmas. I don't know the relationship that you and your mom had at the time. It was an opportunity to heal old wounds and a redefine the relationship you would have from this point on. He had the opportunity to kick your mom while she was down, but did not take it.
You might consider that he did not want you to spend Christmas with him and his new wife. I do know if he stayed in town or left with her or if you feel that he was using your mom as a baby sitter. Many homeless people get depressed over the Christmas holidays to the point where they commit suicide. The fact that your mother spent time with you under circumstances that could show her that life could be better is a good thing. You could have saved her life and not know it.
I think you are dwelling on events of the past that you can't change and you are wondering about motivations and possible ulterior motives.
Speaking from my own experience, the most miserable I have ever been was when I was with my first wife. The biggest mistake I ever made was marrying her. We have a daughter together that I love dearly. The first few years I wondered if I were given the opportunity to go back and not marry her. This would mean that I would never have had my daughter. Would I sacrifice her life not to have been miserable for so long, knowing that I would never had met her and would never know what I would have lost. Not everyone comes up with the same answer to the question. I can not go back through time to change events that have already happened. To create anxiety over events that can’t be changed is nothing short of planting bad seeds that will never grow nourishing fruit.
You can’t change the past. There is a possibility that those 10 days were the most precious 10 days in your mother’s life, even if you have some doubt on the motives behind the visit. You can be happy with the experience or saddened by it. The choice is yours and it a conscience choice. It makes no difference what anyone else thinks.
2006-12-20 11:04:14 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was nice of your dad to provide a room for you and your mom to stay in and spend some time together. I am sad that your mom was/is homeless and that is a terrible ordeal to go through. He did the best he could for everyone in this situation b/c this way the new wife doesn't feel uncomfortable with opening her house to a homeless ex wife and the child and mother still got to have a christmas together. My one question is why are you asking this question? You are not to blame for anything that your parents do/have done. Parents make poor life decisions all the time. But hopefully they try and raise their kids to be honest and kind and productive adults. Do you feel you were missing out?
Have a Merry Christmas! Forgive those you love.
2006-12-20 10:50:33 · answer #3 · answered by Leash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a horrible idea!
If the birth mother doesn't have a home, it's up to her to get back on her feet, not dad to finance her (even if it's Xmas). And sending the daughter to see her for that long while she's experiencing tough times is not good either.
Nix the hotel and food money - there are government programs that you and he are already paying for to help her.
Offer to have mom come to your house for a couple of days (not 10) so daughter can visit and then let mom fix her problems on her own.
2006-12-20 10:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though it is the mom's turn to have the child for Christmas, having an 8 year stay in a motel for 10 days does not seem like an ideal situation. Mom may have to fore go a long visitation this year until she gets a place to live. Maybe set something up where mom can visit with her daughter and celebrate. They could just switch up the rotation and let mom have her daughter next Christmas.
2006-12-20 10:47:16 · answer #5 · answered by TV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation could be taken several different ways. You could look at it that the Dad is sending his child away so he could spend time with his new wife, or that he is being a kindly and generous person in wanting his daughter to spend some time with her mother. I would pick the latter scenerio because yiou did get to see your Mom every other Christmas, and if this was your Christmas to visit her and she had no accommodations for herself, much less for you, then your Dad was wanting to give YOU a good Christmas with your Mom. Best wishes to you.
2006-12-20 10:39:32 · answer #6 · answered by Sweetharttt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's generous to do supply the place to stay and the $ for food. Is there anyway everyone can put up with one another for long enough for the child to have Christmas at home with the mother there for only Christmas day?
2006-12-20 10:31:42 · answer #7 · answered by cnIV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mother doesn't have a home?! I think thats over an beyond what is necessary, but still very noble of the father. Can the mother be invited to spend the holidays with you guys? I would imagine if I was the mother without a home, it would hurt even more to not have my child there.
2006-12-20 10:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Belly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not wrong if it is done with love.
Dad loves his child enough to do more than step back while she and her mom continue to nurture their relationship. He is willing to give them both the gift of time together for the holidays, along with spending cash, in spite of the fact that he no longer has warm and fuzzy feelings toward his first wife. His love for and commitment to wife number 2 probably prohibits him from inviting wife number 1 to stay with them. That would be to painful for wife number 2 to deal with. And wife number 2 must be caring enough toward her stepchild, to permit joint assets to be spent on wife number 1 so that her stepchild can have a holiday with her mother.
2006-12-20 10:45:51 · answer #9 · answered by Victoria1061 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it was generous of your father to try to provide a way to spend time with your birth mother for xmas, but 10 days seems a little long to spend in a motel when you're in the area of your own home.
2006-12-20 10:37:27 · answer #10 · answered by LoriBeth 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋