My daughter, who is nearly 16, goes to a private, Catholic school here in our city. And I really hate even mentioning this but for some reason, she thinks she is gorgeous and she is not. She is very ordinary looking and I don't know where she has gotten this from but she has gained a very B*tchy attitude towards everyone. But everytime she sees a pretty girl, in the mall, church, wherever.. she goes crazy, has fits and stuff. And she is wondering why no boys ever speak to her. How can I tell her it's because she ISN'T pretty without crushing her?
2006-12-20 01:52:18 · 45 answers · asked by Jen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Low self esteem is a very destucting image for one to carry around with them. Why would you want to give that as a present to your child? Let her be and she will find out on her own where her social standing is without your help!
2006-12-20 01:54:58 · answer #1 · answered by dominicaquilino 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am totally shocked reading this!! We as parents are to try and build it into our children that they are "worth", that their beautiful, that their great!
Maybe you don't find her beautiful, but others may or do. Maybe others don't find you so beautifulo either. It's all in the eyes of the beholders!!
Would your daughter happen to be a Cancer? From looking into different personalities, the Cancer's usually have suffered from some great self esteem issuses when they were younger, so when they got a bit older and had NO POSSITIVE feed back even from their parents, they had to strike out alone and find it in their own beings that their great, pretty, what have you! They then HIDE the things they know others see, but refuse to admit it to themselves or anyone else.
Being a teen is hard. And I'm sure, because I've been there, even harder when your not so pretty.
Being bit*hy is a normal thing these days. I'm willing to bet your daughter is suffering from some kind of depression. Get that looked into. It also sounds like her hormones are rageing. Speak to the dr. about that too.
IF it's bothering her that boys aren't paying attention, you'll probably end up with some bad news if once that happens and she's really going to be hard to handle and possibly end up pg.
2006-12-20 02:04:07 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my............that's so hard. I suspect it doesn't have as much to do with looks as with attitude why boys don't speak to her. I would definitely get counseling for her. That sounds like a pretty sensitive situation. If she is very plain, things such as hair, makeup, clothing, can make her look much prettier. But if she already has a thing about how pretty she is...........wow........I don't know. You don't want to make her feel ugly either. That would do no good for her self esteem......or for your relationship with her. Parents need to be supportive of their children. And chances are her self esteem isn't that good anyway if she has an attitude toward pretty girls. I would absolutely get professional help with the. She is at such a vulnerable age. I don't think you the parent should be telling her she's not pretty. She needs to get her head together, and whether she's pretty or not she can come out with self esteem and a good attitude toward other people and life in general.
Good luck. I hope so much you can get help for her and everything turns out good. Bless you both. :)
2006-12-20 02:08:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell her she's NOT pretty, you're her mother and that would be devastating or possibly create a rift between the two of you.
The problem is, she's not humble, she's concieted and she's too focused on her appearance and other girls who are prettier than her. Work on her attitude. It's okay to be confident but then there comes a point where confident is taken too far and turns into poor, mean, concieted attitudes. Don't tell her she's ordinary, explain to her what a proper attitude is and the downfalls of having such a poor attitude is. Explain to her proper confidence and modesty. Maybe ask her why she gets in such a huff when pretty girls are around- is this a sign of insecurity? Is she overcompensating with her attitude?
2006-12-20 02:01:08 · answer #4 · answered by throughthebackyards 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was a kid people used to tell me how beautiful I was. My mother crushed me by saying, "you're not as pretty as they say you are." Of course I believed my mother, so this gave me an awful complex for years. Please do not tell her she is not pretty. Tell her she would be so much more beautiful if she were prettier on the inside, and that no matter how nice looking a person is on the outside, it doesn't mean a thing if she isn't beautiful on the inside. I have a suspicion that her behavior is the acting out of knowing that she's not the prettiest girl, and it's her way of trying to get the self-confidence that comes with beauty. All the best.
2006-12-20 02:11:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell her! You are her mother. She will receive enough animadversion from the outside world. It is your job to love her unconditionally and teach her to be a woman of character.
If she really thought she was so beautiful, she wouldn't throw fits when she sees someone pretty. She is obviously insecure. She needs to know that she is special and that looks aren't everything.
As for guys never speaking to her...That has nothing to do with looks. I'm ordinary like her and I don't have a boyfriend. Nevertheless I have several good friends that are guys. Could it be that guys don't speak to her because she doesn't speak to them? Or does she dress and act immodestly so that decent guys are intimidated by her? Whatever the case: be grateful she is no Barbie. You don't want guys pursuing your daughter for the wrong reasons.
2006-12-20 02:35:07 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you are just pretending to be a mother of a 16 year old. You sound like a 16 year old yourself. If a 16 year old has the misfortune of being your daughter, don't tell her anything!!! Let a more mature, wiser woman talk to her. No REAL mother would tell their child that they are not pretty and that's why boys won't speak to her. Beauty comes from within and at this age, boys are immature. More young women should feel that they are gorgeous. Don't push your feelings of your own short comings and ugliness onto your daughter.
2006-12-20 02:18:35 · answer #7 · answered by SNT76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer is do not tell her.If the reason you think she is not pretty is becuase she isn't wearing those sketchy mini skirts and halter tops most girls today are wearing then there is nothing wrong with that.If guys do not like her for that it's becuase at this age they are very shallow.If you are still concerned however then try taking her out tog out shopping and buy her some nicer clothes.You could also try telling her that at sixteen she doesn't need to start dating and it's okay if guys don't like her.But also tell her that her atitude is not okay.Tell her that as her mom you are there to support her but this doesn't mean you will take her dum attitude.The last thing you need to do is tell her she is not pretty at this age girls are very insecure.If you do tell her it will just make her very insecure adn her fashion choices will probably go goth.Just keep supporting her and praying for her and for yourself to see your daughters beauty.If you trully don't think shes pretty then dont tell her shes pretty but do tell her shes speacial.You should also take her on a huge shopping spree and see if this will change her look.This might also change her atitude.She might just be feeling insecure so she feels the need to be obnoxious and if she has nicer clothes on and looks nicer her self esteem and atitude might change.Good luck and Happy Hollidays!
2006-12-20 02:05:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't because she isn't pretty. It's because she has a nasty attitude. Some of the people that I think are the most beautiful are those with wonderful personalities. Looks are fleeting, character is forever.
You need to discuss this with her without telling her that she is "ordinary". That would just be cruel. There is nothing wrong with her having a great self-image,. What needs addressed is her behavior.
Good luck.
2006-12-20 01:58:35 · answer #9 · answered by blue.green_eyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think it is more 'pride' than 'prettiness' that is the problem? Beauty is only superficial or skin deep. Let your daughter know that a magnet is not attracted to salt or sugar though they are essential seasonings to some people.Ants like sugar though. Instead of approaching the situation in a way that may crush her self esteem, use tact and try to help her build desirable characteristics that will attract the opposite sex. Your daughter came from you and her father and something caused you two to get together and create her. I hope this helps.
2006-12-20 02:06:29 · answer #10 · answered by Aoiffe337 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not say anything about her looks, maybe she isnt as confident as she appears to be and she gives an attitude for self reassurance. I would tell her however that maybe guys are not talking to her because they care about the inside as well as the out and lately her attitude and the way she treats people has been very ugly. Guys do not want a chick that is mean or has a negative attitude and bad personality.
2006-12-20 01:57:07 · answer #11 · answered by dontknow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋