My daughter in law has never liked me and I have tried with her as everybody said I will lose my son. And I have. I have just seen them for a few minutes and as my mother has died, and still they are off. I have written e mails and texts to them especially after what has happened to be friends and they won't. She wouldn't let him come to my mum's funeral, and I had argued with her badly on this. And they didn't come. My mum died in pain and nobody was there for her other than me. My husband (not his father) says they are not worth bothering with.
2006-12-20 01:13:51 · 30 answers · asked by elliebear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm sorry about your mother, it must have been very difficult, not just the fact that she was on her own but that your son wasn't there for you! I'm afraid your husband is right, they really aren't worth it! He's your son yes & I know I'd be devastated if my son were to turn against me but you have to leave them to it, eventually he will want you in his life again, it may not be next month or even next year but he will. Stop the texts, e-mails & phone calls, let your son decide when he wants contact again!
2006-12-20 02:39:33 · answer #1 · answered by C Greene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There has to be a point where you say to yourself, i've done all i possibly can, i've tried my hardest and can do no more.
The only person who can possible reconsile your relationship is your son, he has to make a move the move now and he must at some point see that he should have you in his life.
At the end of the day, regardless of what his wife says he would still come to see you if HE wanted to, he's a grown man with his own mind and if my wife said that i couldn't see my mother i would tell her where to go.
Don't use her as an excuse for this happening, he has chosen not to see you for whatever reason, it can't be just that she doesn't like you.
Think about what's happened in the past, where you might have gone wrong in case any appologies need to be made but i would leave alone now.
It might take months or even years but he will see eventually that he should keep contact to some extent, just give it time and let him make the next move.
2006-12-20 01:29:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this. I have fallen out with my own son and it is always painful.
Do you know why your daughter-in-law doesn't like you? Sometimes if you have an idea, it could easily be sorted out. One woman I know took serious offence because her mother-in-law never ever set foot in their house. But they never discussed it and I've often wondered if the older woman realised how her dil felt. It could easily have been sorted out if only they could have spoken.
Saying that, their refusal to come to your mother's funeral must have been very painful. I would write a letter, telling your son you love him and are very hurt. You could also try asking what you could do to improve the situation. And if that doesn't work, well then, your husband is right. It doesn't fill the gap in your heart, but at least you have him. Every family has deep and muddy waters in which we all flounder. My own son isn't speaking to me - I do know why, though! I've managed to distance myself and accept that fact that we cannot control them and sometimes, we don't want to. (My son is a former drug addict who has caused real harm to my family. )
Please try one last time, and then let it go. There's only so much pain a person can take - you need to put it aside and hope that one day it will sort itself out.
Good luck.
2006-12-20 01:49:28 · answer #3 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First , I sure feel your Pain... Your husband might just be right, I know a lot of people will write that he isn't the father of your son so his opinion my be a little off , and I kind of agree, but The little devil daughter-in-law you have appears to be running the show, Even Yours.. How horrible that she can control your son , when it came to the death of your mother ( his own grandmother ), but things like this do happen, it's so very hurtful, almost unforgivable. But please take into consideration, that people like her that want that kind of control to make others, ( especially family not be united ) has a personal problem. Your son is obviously grown, I don't know how old he is , but he is still your son, he will always be your son.. Please MoM step back, Your giving this daughter-in-law to much pleasure .. She is enjoying this. Some People breed off of others pain just to be in control.. I have a feeling this control won't last forever. You will have to be there for your son in the future. You might just have to pick him back up and dust him off, just like when he was a little boy. I say this because, as soon as you let her ( your daughter-in-law ) go, put her on the back back burner, Things will change.. Don't play her games anymore.. That's what it appears to be about to her.. Your a grown woman, Don't allow this to continue.. As much as it hurts Don't email or call. Like I said you will always be his mom and now it's time to let go , live your life, try to be as happy as you can, and when they change, take it slow.. Don't let down your guard for her.. I sure wish you the best.
2006-12-20 01:53:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give up on them. I mean, that's your son. Though, if I were you I wouldn't try to get in-between him and his wife, but still try to keep in touch with him.. I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your mom, that's always hard. Maybe "arguing" with her about comming isn't the right approach though. I don't know what innitially caused the animosity between you two, but if you both love your son, then it has to be resolvable. Sometimes the best approach is just a simple "Look, I know we have problems and I don't want to cause more, but I would really like to be a part of my sons life. So, can we agree to disagree and get over the past and start over?" You never know it might just work.
2006-12-20 01:30:43 · answer #5 · answered by dcVixen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every child is worth bothering with, since the pain of losing them is too great. Maybe you can get your son on the side without that wife of his and talk to him about it. How come SHE makes the decisions for THEM regarding HIS family? No insult meant: but did you possibly do or say anything that might have lead to her behaviour? Take into consideration something that might have been misinterpreted. Ask him, ask her. Tell him how much you hurt. I cannot imagine. Good luck (I would pray for you if I was religious).
2006-12-20 01:19:08 · answer #6 · answered by Julia S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is to keep the door open up for any possible signs that your son wants to reconcile.
My mum and sister-in-law dont really see eye to eye,even after 10 years of marriage to my brother and being together 17 years they still are only just civil to each other.
Just do your best and hopefully your son will come round.
Good luck
2006-12-20 01:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by freerange00720002000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I have to agree with your husband. First of all your son is completely wrong for shutting u out because of his wife, u will always be his mother who can never be replaced. He can get another damn wife, I know that this is hard but u just have to stop trying. Why should u keep hurting yourself if they do not even put forth an effort? Either he or the both of them will come crawling back to u, until then do not worry about it.
2006-12-20 01:18:43 · answer #8 · answered by 2good4hem 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would cut your losses. As long as he is with her, you will never get what you want. Back off and let them come to you if they want. If things go sour with her, he will come to you with his tail between his legs. In the meantime, I am sorry for your loss, but now concentrate on your life. Live to enjoy it, yes you will feel sad and mad about your son, but email now and then 'just to say hi, things are fine, hope you and the wife are well, miss u, luv Mum' and leave it at that. If he truly wants to see you and talk to you, he will. The more you insist the further away he will go and you will lose all hope of any kind of a relationship with him.
2006-12-20 01:45:33 · answer #9 · answered by jwdewboo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear of your mother.It is obvious who wears the trousers in there relationship but sadly your son is not listening to anyonewho loves and cares for him and is going to learn the hard way with his controlling wife.I think something you should get in contact with him maybe a letter or email and tell him that he has hurt your feelings and was absent when you needed him the most. Hopefully telling him your feelings he will wake up to his wifes controlling nature. It Sounds like your husband has been there for you thoughout you grief. I know he is your son and you care very much for him but the more you say about her to him just makes him want to prove you wrong. Sadly he will have to make his own mistakes and hopefully learn from them.
Hope your coping well and good luck x
2006-12-20 01:34:12 · answer #10 · answered by Allison D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋