crying baby: to pick up or not?

Question

New evidence suggests that it is better not to let a new-born baby cry too long before attending to it. However, it seems clear to me that you don't want to pick up a baby that's just asking for attention. How can u tell (other than by dirty nappies)??

I just want to avoid the horror situation that some friends of ours have gone through, perhaps by being overly attentive. Babies that could only sleep in the parents' bed up till 2y old. They were on the brink of despair and exhausted.

ladies! I'm not a heartless monster! Of course I'll cherish my baby and give attention to it. Thanks for all your responses.

Answer 1

If its time 4 bottle give him d bottle if he wants to play give him attention but don't pick him up because he will want to be on you everytime he cries if he never stops crying pick him a bit up let him stop and put him back.

Answer 2

A lot of people seem to be answering this question by saying: "you should ALWAYS pick up a baby that's crying." I disagree. I think it depends on the baby and on the situation. What's right for one parent is not necessarily right for all parents. Take that into consideration when reviewing all these answers. What's right for you is really up to you and your baby, and in some cases, your pediatrician, to decide.

If your baby has been recently fed, has a clean diaper (napkin in the UK), has not just taken a tumble or bumped into something, and has been played with and held so much that your ams are ready to fall off, let your baby cry a bit. If it lasts longer than a few minutes, or if it's a cry that suggests something else is wrong, then certainly attend to your baby.

If you continually pick up your baby at the first sign of tears, that's fine too... most first-time parents do, but by the second or third child, you'll know that sometimes it's more important to let your baby cry it out, as hard as that may be for you.

Answer 3

Until my children hit treir three month mark and I could easily distinguish between their cries I always picked them up when they were upset. I now have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 1 yr old who both go to sleep on their own at the same time during the day and at bedtime they are great.

If you spoil them when they are really young they develop a better sense of security and are able to be alone and happy because they know that when something is really wrong mommy will be there.

Answer 4

of course!
I held my babies all the time, I'll tell you, people say you will spoil them? heck NO! they are only small once, they are only 1 one time, and 2 one time, and 3 one time, and so on, then when they get about 5 you will not be able to hold them anymore, I say LOVE your babies while they are still little, there will come a time that you wish you had.
remember life goes by so fast, enjoy the moment NOW!
my babies are going to college, and I can say with a smile I loved them, carried them, even slept with them, I was a very young mother, but I kept my babies close to me, and it gave them security.

don't let some do'dos tell you different! because when your baby is all grown and moves out of the house, you will never have those 'close' moment memories!
why not give your baby attention? whats wrong with that?
when they are 20 it will be you wanting the attention, then what?

Answer 5

Why wouldn't you pick up a baby that wants attention? Sorry, I picked my daughter up when she cried, every single time! Whether she was scared, had gas, hungry, wet or just wanted my attention. Why have a baby if you don't want to give it attention. Plus, yeah all sorts of new research links hernias, acid reflux and brain swelling is sever cases. So, you go ahead and ignore your baby when you feel like it. Hope someone else loves that baby

Answer 6

First of all a baby cries when it needs something. It is the parents job to fulfill that need. Yes, sometimes that need is for attention. Please explain to me why it is wrong to provide attention to a baby who needs it? It is ridiculous to ignore a crying infant. It is ridiculous, neglectful and cruel.

Second, this is not new. I remember having a similar discussion in a child psychology class that I took almost 10 years ago. Ignoring a baby when it cries leads to that child have trust and bonding issues. This is not new evidence. Plus, it is common sense.

Also, studies have shown that a baby who is attended to and PICKED UP when it needs attention is less likely to be clingy. Why? Because that child is secure. That child knows he/she will be attended to. The clingy children that always want to be picked up are the ones who are usually NOT picked up or whos parents are so inconsistent that they never know if their needs will be met or not.

Answer 7

A baby can't ask for attention...they simply need it. It's part of their make-up. If you feel it is time for your child to learn to self-soothe never let them cry for more than 20 minutes at a time and then only when it is actually bedtime for them. Other than that, I would recommend trying the child out in various places. Tummy time on the floor, put them in a swing, put them in an infant bouncer seat situated so that they can see you, if old enough, standing in an exersaucer. I remember rotating my son through various activities throughout the day. Because he actually didn't tolerate being held very well (he was a preemie) but he would fuss if left doing any one thing to long. So he would watch the mobile in his crib, watch the ceiling fan from the floor in the living room, sit in his bouncy seat and watch me work.

Honestly though, I strapped my other child to my body because it was truly the ONLY way that she was happy. On an encouraging note though, both of my children are very independent now. By giving them the attention they needed, when they needed it and how they needed it, allowed them to become confident in being separate from me as well.

Answer 8

You can't "spoil" a baby under 6 months old, so pick the poor baby up!! They benefit from close contact and close relationship with their parents mentally and physically.

After that, I'd say use discretion. They usually cry for a reason after 6 months. Are they wet, hungry, hurt, throwing a tantrum?

The doc told me they don't understand discipline til 18 months, though.

Answer 9

We are having the same problem. When hes not being held he cry. When hes being held he stops. I'M sorry, but I just cant be there 24/7 to hold my baby. I agree that you can not spoil a baby because they need lots of attention and love yes, but they DO know the difference! You can tell if your baby is like freaking out while hes crying and loosing his breath, that he really does need attention and needs to be held. If hes just sitting there winning and crying than stopping until he realizes that hes stopped and starts again, than just leave him for a few. Good luck its a endless battle.

Answer 10

You should pick the baby up. Babies cry to COMMUNICATE and NOT to manipulate. At this age, being held or wanting attention is a real true NEED for some babies. Nothing at all wrong with it. Responding to them creates strongly attached, secure and confident children.

Answer 11

A newborn? just asking for attention?! You can never hold a baby too much in my opinion!! My sons are all older and I miss the holding them when I want...but a newborn NEEDS to be held and yes..letting them cry without checking on them isn't a good idea...but Letting them know that when they cry...you are still there..is what they need at that age!