I may be messed up for asking such a stupid questions but i was wondering if there are any people out there that are still living in the past and no matter what they do they can't seem to move on and be truly happy!I have been with my man for almost 10 yrs now besides the many times that i left him either for someone else or for some other stupid reasons but no matter what i did or what i said he would always take me back so i guess he truely do love me or he wouldn't have put up with all the **** i have put him through!!!We have been together over 4 yrs now without breaking up because i truly wants to make out relationship work not just for our sakes but for the will being of our 2 beautiful children!The thing is day in day out all i can think about is my messed up past not just the things i did but what he did too all of which i well deserved mine you but i still can't forget about it and it kills me inside,what should i do,any advice would be appreciated and no smart *** answers!!
2006-12-20 01:01:48 · 21 answers · asked by Baybee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
everyone screws up at some point in life but if you are truly happy why waste your time on the negative?
lots of people live in the past, or dwell on the past, or let the past make them bitter..deal with your issues open and honestly, although it's difficult, it will be worth it in the end because you will feel better about yourself and be a better partner and parent..good luck
2006-12-20 01:05:48 · answer #1 · answered by Tek ~aka~Legs! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid your husband is just as messed up as you are if he is so willing to take you back. I'm not saying that as an insult, but would you do that if you were in his position?
He needs to set and defend his boundaries.
You need to talk to him about all this.
Talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.
You and he will figure it all out, and work it all out AS you talk about it. Don't be afraid to tell him exactly what is going through your mind. You have to agree that you will stick by each other during this self-help talking even if it takes weeks or months. That way each of you can feel safe knowing that the other person isn't going to walk out.
This sounds crazy, but a REALLY good thing to do is to have some kind of a signal (hold up a hand, or something like that) when the other person says something that hurts or offends you. Not only will that person understand you better, but it will keep the conversation focused on the most important issues.
Communication solves almost every problem. An unwilling participant in conversation is going to be a problem.
2006-12-20 01:10:18 · answer #2 · answered by sixgun 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be ok. You're with him, and he has shown real love and trust in you. You've always gone back to him, not anyone else, but him. You truly do love this guy if you're so guilty that you broke up with him. Talk to him about what you feel; say you're sorry and tell him exactly how you feel, about how this grief is killing you.
He'll understand it. You just have to focus more on what you have to do on a day-to-day basis, instead of living in the past.
Never live in the past--no good will come out of it.
2006-12-20 01:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by i6am6satan6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just have to except the guilt and not mess up anymore and if something can't be saved children won't save it just to let you know.. If he's willing to leave it alone then you should just feel lucky to have such a man and move on with it.. so for the next 20 to 30 years everyday you tell him at least every 5 minutes how much you love him and of course do whatever is in his hearts desire :) :) :)
2006-12-20 01:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I confess that I am. 4 years since the love of my life left me and I still do not understand why. There was no real closure for me. Maybe that is the way I am built. I just do not understand how to "unlove" someone. I am not a natural liar so when I said "I love you", I meant it. Right now I just drink too much. Its not a solution but it is a pain killer that helps. I have opportunities to go out with other ladies but I'm just not interested. If there is a solution I would like to have it.
2006-12-20 01:13:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately i suppose thats about the best possible positive punishment you could get. it will serve as a great reminder and keep you in check and even make you realise how lucky you are to have that man who willingly took you back in all those times. the relationship will be worth more to you now, and so will he... if you bury the past and pretend as if it didnt happen it will crawl out that grave to haunt you. rather deal with it until you have forgiven yourself after accepting your wrong doings. great things dont come easy, you need to suffer before getting that place of mental clarity. what if none of the guys you've been with are even thinking about you? you're wasting away thinking of them and regretting whilst they continue and you suffocate within your relationship. see this as a new start for you, where the past was a great teacher and you've passed and now know the meaning of virtue and value...
good luck and love... (you will soon overcome, nothing is ever easy and if it was we'd lack appreciation)
2006-12-20 01:10:42 · answer #6 · answered by Reb Da Rebel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not forget your past, and you can't ever be truly happy.
If you forget your past you are doomed to repeat it. (Forgive the Platitude)
If you keep looking for true happiness you will never find it. Just go it a day at a time, take joy from the things you can, and work to better the things you can't. Remember how foolish you were and strive never to be that way again.
40 year down the line, you'll realize you are truely happy without ever looking for it.
2006-12-20 01:07:13 · answer #7 · answered by stn1225 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't forget it. Just don't do it again.
Remember these things.
Yesterday is a cancelled check. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is all you really have.
Today you have 24 hours in your billfold. How are you going to spend it?
You can never change the past. It's a waste of time trying.
2006-12-20 01:30:06 · answer #8 · answered by namsaev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that you haven't taken time to learn what you want. You need to find yourself. I know that there are 2 kids involved here, but it seems like to me you are constantly doing something for someone else. I think once you figure out who you are and what you want then maybe you can try to share your life with someone else. Be alone with your kids and put them first... infront of a man. It is ok to just focus on them.
2006-12-20 01:11:16 · answer #9 · answered by LaReyna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly....Just think about the future and look at the past as a learning experience!
Stop harping on the bad things that happened and learn from them and move on!
Life is short, make the best of it before it's to late!
2006-12-20 01:05:47 · answer #10 · answered by jab92593 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋