Since before our daughter was born, her "father" didn't want anything to do with me, or her. He threatend to kill me several times...So I decided to move out and I made a better life for us.
But my question is this; what do I do when he someday just shows up, and wants to be her father?
A father is somebody who is there through all the nappy rashes, the moment she discouvers her little toes and laughs...
I do tell her about him, but I don't want to put her through the pain of waiting for him by the window hours on end...never to show up..
2006-12-20 00:30:20 · 9 answers · asked by dremafreytal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
first, even though he don't deserve it..at least you tell her about her "sperm donar"......he has NO RIGHTS....unless you take him to court for child support.
depends on the laws in the state of which you live in...don't ever tell her that is is going to showup..so she won't be waiting.....just answer her questions as the best that you can..but don't sugar coat it.....be honest...it will all work out in the end....trust me...i'm a single mom of 2 and i don't call them "father" to my
children...they are referred to as "sperm donars"....they had their chance...they
walked away...so, therefore thats the title they are given...my kids don't question it....goodluck
2006-12-20 00:39:17 · answer #1 · answered by justmenothinelse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well some people change, some don't, if he came back to see his daughter...he has the right to see her, i mean you can't fight the fact he'll be the father...that's biological right. And she has the right to know who her father is as well. Now..if she wants to DEAL with his ***..that's a different story. If he comes back, and he's convincing enough to do the right thing as a father figure, then I wouldn't see why you can't let him get to know his daughter. But I mean if homeboy is still a threat then he doesnt' deserve SH*T. Besides if you found somebody else and he ends up being a way better father, then i'm pretty sure she could give a rats *ss if the father wanted to come or not...he wasn't there to be the good father for her..so....that decision is up to you while she's young, and soon up to her when she's able to make such decisions on her own.
2006-12-20 01:10:36 · answer #2 · answered by Dennis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son's biological father wanted nothing to do with him. I filed for a divorce when I was 7 months pregnant. So, he denied he was the father and didn't give me a dime until our son was about 6 months old. When we went to court all of a sudden he wanted to be in our son's life. So, of course the judge allowed for visitation. He saw him for a while then dropped out of his life for a while. A couple years later back to court we went and started his visitation up again by the Judge's orders. Now, guess what, he's not seeing him again!! So, I guess what I'm trying to get at is . . . no matter what if he's the biological father he'll have his rights to see your daughter no matter what. Sometimes they system sucks!
2006-12-20 00:37:00 · answer #3 · answered by T.C. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he threatened to kill you, then he was abusive to you. He could do that again to you and also to her. You have to protect her.
You're right to tell her about him but let her know that you two COULD not be together and that you don't want, need or expect him to return to either of you. When she is old enough (teens at least), tell her why.
If he does show up, make him leave asap even if he seems nice at that moment, b/c abusers can sometimes treat people very nicely.
2006-12-20 02:01:27 · answer #4 · answered by Catin T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so close to home...my father wrote us off when I was about 4yrs old..I am now 40, and he just came in to my life after his 2nd wife died, and about 3 yrs ago. He can never make up for the time lost, but I did want to get to know him. Positive or Negative effect, it was ultimately my choice... let your daughter have her choice when and if the day ever comes...
2006-12-20 00:34:41 · answer #5 · answered by momof3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he does try to come around he does have every right to see her so legally that is a tough decision to make. As we grow up you can never prevent us (especially girls) from waiting by the window. But continue to tell her about him and as she gets older tell her your feeling toward him and that you don't want her feelings to be hurt. Then she can make the decision to let him in her life he comes around. I experienced a similar situation recently. All my life i waited for my dad to come back and he did when i was 26 but I was aware of what to expect from him and i wasn't hurt when he dissappeared again.
2006-12-20 00:42:23 · answer #6 · answered by benny619 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his name isn't on the birth certificate there is nothing he can do. He will have no rights as far as fatherhood goes. If you had his name put on the birth certificate then he has all of the rights as any father would have whether he was around or not.
2006-12-20 00:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll know what to do when or if he does. That's a mother's instinct, to protect her childs feelings, and their well being. Alot depends on his attitude, too.
2006-12-20 00:36:07 · answer #8 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't need her "father" she needs a "daddy" and that man will never be her daddy. Find her one and she'll never know the difference.
2006-12-20 00:33:46 · answer #9 · answered by tbonz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋