Alright yahoo-ers. Answers please.
My sister has taken it upon herself (and on behalf of our entire family) to tell me yesterday that I am "the" problem in our family, and no one likes it when I'm at family functions. I already know why - it's because I'm the only sibling who's divorced and didn't immediately re-marry a man to help take care of me and my children. This problem is solved - I will not attend family functions.
However, my question / problem is this: I've already bought her family gifts and am still planning to send them. I don't want gifts from her - period. If I receive any should I send them back? Should I keep them? Should I throw the box in the attic and forget about it?
2006-12-20 00:26:57 · 18 answers · asked by redslippers 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Do not stoop to their level. Send your gifts and accept the ones they send.
It is very hard for a family who tries so hard to be perfect to have a tiny flaw"as they see it". It is much easier for them to use you as a scape goat for their troubles and woes in life.
You should stand proud and be happy that you are safe and well and out of a crumbling marriage. If they had any empathy they would realize that you are so much better off alone with your children.
Some people are old fashioned in the way that they think about marriage, you stay no matter what.... That is not the cae, as everyone has their limits on stress, pain, and damage to one's soul that can be endured.
Because everything has gone right for them,this is not always the standard for every marriage.
They lack insight and you will not change their way of thinking.
If you really love your family , do not deny your children their cousins, aunts and grandparents at Christmas. You need to go for their sake if not for yours... They need family around them besides Mom....
Tell your sister, that her words were cruel and that they hurt your feelings.
When you arrive, find your sister who spoke those words to you, tell her you still love her and forgive her for hurting your feelings. Kiss her on the cheek and hug her., and leave it at that.
Tell your parents you are so happy to be part of such a wonderful family, hug and kiss them and leave it at that.
They won't know what to say, and I am sure there is going to be a heavy dose of guilt in that home on Christmas day...
Kill them with kindness, do not become one of them. Fighting them and trying to hurt them, will only hurt you and your children.
Accept them for their inability to undrestand.. for what they lack in their emotions, and for all the hate they hold inside, and for their shor comings.
Give off positive energy and see how the atmosphere changes ..You be a good person, this is the most important lesson in your life for you to learn. Love unconditionally.. there are so many rewards and you can change peoples lives.... Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
2006-12-20 00:43:21 · answer #1 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the perfect opportunity for you to be the bigger person here, accept the gifts gracefully and say thank you. Whether you like them or not, remember, they were bought with love for you. Say thank you and let it be at that. If you don't want to see your sister for the holidays, but are still sending her the presents you bought for her and her family, why shouldn't she do the same for you?
It sounds like you still have some issues/bitterness regarding your divorce. Not to make light of what you have gone through, having gone through it myself twice now, perhaps some counseling would be a good idea. Is this the reason your family has problems with you? Are you sure about the reasons there is dissension in the family or is it over- sensitivity on your part regarding the stigma of divorce? Try talking to your parents about this and see if they agree with your sister, and if so, why.
Counseling could help you out a great deal here, I hope you give it a try.
2006-12-20 00:40:34 · answer #2 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your family should be there for you no matter if you are single or married. Secondly, you don't necessarily need a man to take care of you and your children. I'm sure you are capable of being a mother to your children without having to remarry. All families have issues and not all people see eye to eye but this is your family. If the case at hand is true and they do not want you to be there, than you have to decide this yourself. You do have children so therefore you need to be the bigger person by deciding if this is right for them also. They should spend time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, just as you should too. If you feel uncomfortable accepting gifts then do not accept them but keep in mind the children. Holidays are a time for giving and spending time with loved ones so create a wonderful atmosphere for your children . They are the most important just as your parents should feel about you. Let them know how you feel. Communication is the key.
2006-12-20 00:49:20 · answer #3 · answered by alymarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should send only if it's in your heart and accept because it may be in their heart. Just because you don't get along doesn't mean you don't love each other deep down. Let this be the link that keeps you connected while everyone works through their indifferences. I find it incredibilly insensitive if this is in fact true of your family. Personnaly I also would no longer go to family functions either until they are ready to mature and accept you regardless of your situation.
2006-12-20 00:34:52 · answer #4 · answered by father of 4 husband of 1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should throw your pride in the attic and forget about IT. You will regret not having your family one day. Put petty differences aside for godsake. Don't fight over things that really don't matter.
2006-12-20 00:32:42 · answer #5 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.. would you want them to send back the gifts you are giving to them, or throw them in the attic and forget about it?
2006-12-20 00:39:22 · answer #6 · answered by intewonfan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Accept the gifts and thank her for them. Just because she is immature and willing to hurt you does not mean you have to stoop to her level. Being gracious will pang her more tha returning the gifts.
2006-12-20 00:29:12 · answer #7 · answered by Alexandra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem isn't what to do with the gifts she sends. It's how to resolve your family issues.
2006-12-20 00:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because your sister said that doesn't mean that's the way the whole family feels. Go have fun.
2006-12-20 00:30:18 · answer #9 · answered by space case 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line at the end of the day she is still your sister, accept her gifts in good spirit, and hopefully she will see beyond her issues. Girl she is just jealous.!!
2006-12-20 00:29:52 · answer #10 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋