At what age so you think serious, exclusive dating is appropriate?

Question

My 16 year old daughter is dating a boy (same age) in her school. I do not let them do anything together without an adult present. His parents think I am being too over protective, saying that their son is trust worthy. Well, so is my daughter but that doesn't mean that they can't get caught up in the moment so to speak. I was a young mother (18) and I talk to my children about waiting util they are married all the time and I do trust them I just want to make sure that they don't make the same mistakes that I did. What is yor opinion on the subject? Do you think I'm being too protective and should let her go out alone with him? (I'm still not going to , just wanted to see what others thought :)

Just to let everyone know, he is allowed to come over here, they watch movies, he joins in family games and jokes,he is a very nice boy, and I do trust my daughter and the way we raised her. She is an awesome, smart, beautiful girl. I have and do have "the talk" with her. She also knows how to protect herself if a situation arrises that she needs to do so. The also stay after school together and work on projects together. She does have time with him, just not alone. I guess the time alone is what I was asking opinions on.

Answer 1

Ok, I would first meet the lucky boy. See what he is like and make sure and use your female intuition to see through and "Eddie Haskle" routine (Eddie Haskle is a character in Leave It to Beaver who acts all sweet and charming around adults but is actually a total prick).
Then if you are willing to allow them alone time, make sure there are tight limits set on them. Only certain places and only with certain ppl. Must be back by a certain time. That sort of thing.

When I have children, if it a girl, I will let her date, but before they go out, I will see to it I let him read this:

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_________________________DATE OF BIRTH__________

HEIGHT___ WEIGHT_______ IQ__________ GPA___________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________DRIVERS LICENSE #___________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________

HOME ADDRESS_________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ___________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________

_________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend _______________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

____________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_______________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)

Answer 2

I believe that parents can take things to each extreme. I grew up with parents that were to overprotective and my mother was a young mother too. SO, she thought she was protecting me and keeping me from ending up like she did. But when you protect your kids too much they are going to go crazy when they finally get that little bit of freedom and take it to the extreme. Maybe sixteen is a little young to be allowed to date alone, but do give them some time, even if it is allowing them to watch a movie alone in your living room. Allowing them a little freedom and seeing how they respond to it and then adding more if they can handle the responsibility that comes along with that freedom. I know that it would have better off for me that way....my mom and dad thought they were doing what was best but your children have to make the decisions themselves.........you can't protect them from everything! I ended being a young mom too (19) and I in no way blame it on my parents but I do feel that maybe they should have allowed me to grow and mature with that freedom there instead of throwing it at me when I was 18.

Answer 3

Well, I am 21 years old, so a young adult, and I don't think people in High school should be a serious relationships... They aren't ready to be married right?! so why rush it at such a young age ya know?! My parents had tough rules, and of course I did NOT appreciate them, and while they did not allow serious relationships, I had one anyway... While we both agreed to wait until we were married, we still became strongly attached, and school became 2nd on our important list... When it ended it felt like I would never have that love again, the wounds healed after a yuear, but that was a whole years worth of wasted time for me, while I could have been figuring out what I loved about life, I was trying to get back to a full hearted me... Kids have enough to worry about as it is (ex: school, homework, thinking about college, jobs, friends, family etc) Being at an age where I am now ready to look at marriage in a new light, but I can still remember fully what being in highschool is like, I can honestly tell you, if your child wants something that you say no to, bad enough, they'll do it anyways... and most high schoolers think they are grown ups, but in all actuality, they are only halfway there...
There comes a point where you telling your child whats not good/right only works for so long, and you have to let them figure things out for themselves, or they'll never grow up, because they have you to tell them how to live their life... I know its scary, I've talked with my mom for many hours about life now that I am on my own, and it is an eye opener, and guess what... I'm doing great, facing the world, and have made my parents prouder than they could ever have hoped to be....

You obviously love your children very much, but part of love is trust... so while I agree that you shouldn't let these two (at the age they're at, where hormones begin to rage :)) be alone... I also think you should encourage them to do group hangouts... have them be out with a group of kids to go bowling, see a movie, find fun coffe shops, go to the mall... (I wouldn't allow double dates) having parents around 24/7 is hard to deal with, but don't let these group things be for too long...

good luck, things will work out... pray and God will take care of it!

and thank you, for being a parent who loves their kids so much that you are keeping both eyes on everything, there are so many people that I went to school with that are still lost/confused, or have kids, or got into bad stuff... and its hard to see that... I am so thankful for my parents and the way they set rules and truly showed me and my siblings how life isn't always easy... :) I wouldn't have what I have now if it wasn't for them!

Answer 4

Just think, in two very short years she will be 18! old enough to make herr own decisions based on what you have taught her. 16 year olds are goingn to do what 16 year olds are going to do ( in my opinion) whatever that may be. I started dating my fiance when i was 16.Have you have a "sex talk" with her? I know some people punish their children whne they find out thhat they've been doing that but i don't thik that's right. Instead tehy should be talking to them about doing it in the right safe way. BEcause punishing is not going to fix the problem. My father wouldn't let my bf in my room when i was that young however, i coculd go anywhere else with him. I would have been embarrassed if fmy mother was everywhere we were like a 3 year old but it's your parenting. Good luck on your situation

Answer 5

i dont think you are being overprotective, you are just concern about your child and how early you have become a mother.children do get caught up in the moment not knowing when to say no or take me home now because they are afraid to loose their friend.you can cut them some slack though, give them free space, sometimes when they dont have space when they get the chance to be alone god knows what can happen,i think serious dating should start at eighteen, just talk to your child and let her know what u expect of her and how much u trust her and u need her to be responsible to make positive decision,also outline things that can happen on dates and dont keep sexual topics a secret talk to her explain the facts of life

Answer 6

I do think that you are being overly protective. Kids that age are going to do what they want regardless if you you want them to or not. But I also do not think that a 16 year old is mature enough to handle the responsibility of having sex. If you are worried that she will make a rash decision, educate her about protecting herself. Telling her to what till marriage is not going to work. You didn't, so you can't expect her to. You just have to make sure that she has all the important information and be confident that you raised her right. Don't get me wrong, I think that it is great that you are concerned. However, if you keep her locked up she is eventually going to rebel. And she will want to do all the things you told her not to. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

I reckon you are doing the best thing, we need more mothers like you out there to stop teen pregnancy. I will do the same thing you do as i am so scarred my 2 daughter will fall pregnant just because they had no guidance and had been allowed to run free. I know my parents had been strict and did not allow us to date until after high school at the end of the day it did no harm.

Answer 8

I understand that your looking out for your daughter's best interest and its okay to be overprotective sometimes but she is 16 and if your daughter and this boy have been dating for a while then maybe its okay to let them be together unsupervised. As long as you've talked to your daughter about waiting until she's married then I'm sure that she'll listen but sometimes you have to let your kids make mistakes so they can learn

Answer 9

You need to let her date and that will let her know you trust her. My older sister wasn't allowed to do anything, so she dated behind my parents back and ended up preg. Now me, they let me have no curfew and I started dating at 15 almost 16. They told me they trusted me and I did not want to break the trust. I ended up marrying my first boyfriend and now in my late twenties we are very successfully and have 2 beautiful kids.

Answer 10

you have good reasons for your intentions. everybody thinks their kids are trust worthy, but we all know better. b/c you were a young mom, and not saying your daughter would follow your footsteps, but why chance it. the other parents are idiots in my opinion. i would feel about you like i had an active parent helping me with this relationship that will be nothing more than a "fling" of puppy love. yes we can be overprotective with our children, but then again, CAN WE? you do what you feel is right! she is your daughter not theirs or anyone elses in this world. good luck mom!