what should I think?

Question

My boyfriend of five years was my first intimate partner. we had a break of 8 months during that time i met and slept with someone else. I went back with my ex and ended with the other guy. My long time bf asked me if I had been with another guy sexually during the break I said NO because I was afraid of his reaction we are hispanic and I know our man specially when they have been your first.I didn't want to hurt himididn't know if had the std, honestly. A year passed and I was diagnosed with HSV 2 I had to confess that during the break i had been with someone else. he broke up with me he didn't believe me since he tested negative he accused me of cheating and insulted me so much. the other guy claims not to have it his GF is pregnant and they haven't seen anything unusual he says that if he did get exposed it's been over two years and nothing has happened. I told my ex he took ito far i didn't cheat! I lied out of love. what u think?maybe he gave it to me?

Answer 1

Either of your partners could have been the source of the infection, and it's possible neither knows if they have it or not. But for you to have it, one of your partners does. Although the primary way HSV 2 is spread is during sex while the person has an outbreak, HSV2 is shed by the body at times even when an active lesion isn't present. Which ever one has it probably has had it for some time now, and has only had the one major outbreak. After the first outbreak, the virus goes dormant in the body, and future outbreaks may be mild. In the meantime, they can still shed the virus and transmit it to others.
I personally don't use the term cheated when discussing boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, because the commitment is very informal and not binding in any way. You did, however lie- and a lie, no matter how well intentioned, is a lie and a betrayl of confidence. Did you truly lie out of love, or out of fear of his reaction to the truth? Either way, you gambled with your lie, and you were found out. The problem with a lie is that it puts all else you say in doubt. You have lost his trust, and are not likely to regain it again.
It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks, only what you think. The fact is that you have broken up, and on bad terms. What's been done is done, what's been said has been said. Nothing is going to change any of that. What you have to do now is pick up and move on. Regardless of who gave HSV to you, you are the one who must live with it. You also owe it to any future partners to be up front and honest with your disease, so they can make an informed decision about exposing themselves to it. You need to educate yourself on the disease as well. There's no point in fixing blame, expecially since whichever partner gave it to you recieved it from somebody else, and likely doesn't even know it. I'm sure it wasn't given to you on purpose.
In the future, remember the hard lesson of the lie. There is no reason, in any relationship, to lie. Truth you don't want to tell is usually the truth you really should tell. You can't base a relationship on deceit, no matter how well intentioned you may be. If the roles had been reversed, you would be the angry one, and no excuse would be acceptable to you. A person worth building a relationship with is a person deserving of the truth from you, no matter how ugly or how embarassing the truth may be. Had you told the truth to begin with, your former boyfriend would have no valid beef with you. As it is, he does. In these days of HIV, you sleep with all the partners partners- and through your lie, he exposed himself unknowingly. He trusted you to tell the truth, and you didn't. You betrayed a trust, and now you pay the price.
All this aside, you are not a bad person. You made an error in judgement. Now you are wiser, and hopefully, more truthful. Let go of the current mess, and move on to a healthier and honest relationship, and do your part to maintain the trust it will require.

Answer 2

Either your ex or the other guy is lying or they are misinformed. Like most any other virus, people can have it and not show symptoms. Their immune systems might be keeping it in check in their own bodies, but this does not mean that they still can't be carriers.

If your ex swears that he took a test and it was negative, than it was probably the other man. He could have it and not show symptoms, and quite possibly, his girlfriend could have it and not show symptoms. They should be extra careful if she is pregnant, because if she does have an outbreak before delivery, she could pass the virus on to the baby during the delivery and this can cause extreme complications to the child.

For you now though, you need to worry about yourself and taking good care of yourself to minimize outbreaks. There are medications that your doctor can prescribe, like Valtrex, to help keep the virus in check. You can also do things to help boost your immune system...eat healthy, drink plenty of water, get lots of sleep, take a multivitamin and immune boosting supplement (Dr. Weil has a good one out), and don't smoke. I wish you the very best.

Answer 3

no hun you did not give this to him you would of had an out break at least 30 days if not sooner after having sex with an infected person. not a year later.
Primary infection occurs around the genital area two to eight days after contracting the virus. Symptoms such as weakness and fever, headache, nerve pain, itching, lower abdominal pain, urinary difficulties, and yeast infections and vaginal discharge (in women) are characteristics accompanying the eruptions on the skin-

Answer 4

You should think about joining a Mental Institution

Answer 5

either one of them could have had it and and not known . but there is one thing . they had to get it from a persom who was a carrier. my opion is that all.3. get tested and see who is the one who is infected it will show by tests . . my opion?