Do you feel ashamed or embarrassed?

Question

I'm a vegetarian. I have never forced my beliefs on anyone. On the contrary, I have quietly put up with unwanted advice on how meat is good for me. I feel embarrassed when I eat out or go with my friends because I'm vegetarian. Waitstaff at restaurants give me funny looks. I'm a guy too and I feel 'feminine' for refusing to eat meat. Am I overreacting?

Answer 1

Yeah, I think you're overreacting a little bit. You should never be ashamed or embarrassed about your beliefs and values. If you have an objection to eating meat, your friends should respect that (or they aren't being very good friends). And trust me, restaurant waitstaff should be very accustomed to working with vegetarians.

Answer 2

Ah, my favourite sort of vegetarian: the quiet one.

I think. The amount of misinformation out there thanks to the majority of vegetarians -- the 'normal, mainstream' (to the extent they can be) ones -- being quiet is stunning.

Anyway. It's not effete to be a vegetarian or anything. Simply put, it takes balls to do something different from the norm. Any notions along the lines of "real men eat red meat!" seem to me to come from insecurity about masculinity, not anything to do with actual manliness.

I realise that there are 'wimpy,' 'effeminate' male vegetarians out there, but, for what it's worth, I've known a good number of male vegetarians, and they were all the opposite.

You shouldn't be embarrassed to eat with your friends; I don't even know where to start with that one. Perhaps you are over-reacting somewhere there, given that you didn't mention why? If you're not giving them a hard time about meat, it's hard to imagine that friends would mind your vegetarianism at all.

That may not include your uncle Pete, the pig farmer, etc.

Funny looks from waitstaff suggest a need to find new restaurants. Perhaps not so easy if you live in a small town? It's been years -- decades, more like -- since I got anything but "Sure, we can leave that out! The broth is just vegetable, too" while eating out.

They'll catch up eventually.

Answer 3

Dude, you rock for being a vegetarian.

Most women actually find it sexy (shows you have compassion) and any guys giving you stick are just jealous because they're stuck being the macho pr*cks they get told to be by FHM and the media.

You are going to the wrong restaurants! In London, even the steakhouses have vegetarian options (though I wouldn't eat in there. I'd rather wipe my backside with my cash than give it to them).

Memorize the stats for how vegetarianism prolongs lifespan and helps protect you against disease. Let them know how Albert Einstein, Da Vinci, Woody Harrelson, Brad Pitt, Andre 3000 (Outkast) Joaquin Phoenix etc were/are all vegetarian/vegan.

Vegetarianism is absolutely MASSIVE. Veganism is huge too. More and more people are making the change each week.

You're not alone. You're not 'feminine'. You need to hang out with some kindred spirits to put your mind at ease.

I try and force my beliefs on everyone ;) ... it makes me sick to think what I was doing to myself/animals/the third world from eating meat when I was younger. If I could turn back time, I'd have always been vegan. Save yourself, and try to save everyone else too. All you can do, is do your best. If people don't want to listen, then at least you have warned them.

Answer 4

I'm a vegetarian and I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. I know how it goes getting grilled about how meat is good for you and how you need protein in your diet. The way I deal with that which works really well at getting people to leave you alone about it is to be informed. If people want to spew out to you a list of reasons why meat is healthy and you have facts to provide them that show the contrary, it usually gets them to be quiet. Being confident and proud of being a vegetarian helps a lot because when people notice that you're kinda getting intimidated by their questions and looks then they may be more likely to try to "convert" you back to eating meat. Just stand up for what you believe it and it will probably help so that you don't feel embarrassed so much anymore.
Also, tell people that you don't try to force your eating habits onto them and that you don't find it fair for them to do it to you.
Hope this helps, good luck!

Answer 5

You're overreacting. You made a decision to live your live a certain way. Nothing at all to be embarrassed about, as far as waitstaff goes, they should know better. It's their job to make everyone feel welcome, and it effects their tips.

True a lot of places don't have many vegetarian meals on the menu, so they might be wondering why you're eating there, but it not their job to decide what you are going to eat.

As far as feeling feminine, so what, what is the definition of being a man? Do your knuckles have to drag on the ground? Or can you paint, sing, arrange flowers and still be a man? It just your conceptions of what a man is that makes you feel feminine, once you decide you are a man it'll go away.

Hoped it helped.

Answer 6

Yes, let me tell you that you are overreacting. I live in a meat eating country, and while I am not completely vegetarian, I eat very little meat. I get those looks also, and it used to bother me, but now it is just annoying. I don't push my beliefs of any kind on anyone else, and I don't expect to receive that from anyone else either.

Don't worry about them looking at you funny, and let them give their advice if they want. In one ear and out the other, and you will be fine.

It is not feminine to choose to eat certain things or not, it is actually a show of character that you don't believe what everyone does just because.

Answer 7

You should not feel guilty for your choice to be vegetarian. Whatever your reasons for being a vegetarian are, you should stick up for your beliefs. Research shows vegetarians are actually healthier than meat eaters and on average live 7-10 years longer. People don't realize all the steroides, & unhealthy chemicals are in the meat people eat.

I don't push my views on anyone either. My choice is my choice but I can't stand how people bash vegetarian. They should really start doing some research before they open their ignorant mouths.

You shouldn't be embarassed anymore; you should be proud of the choice you made. Check out goveg.com...great resource.

Answer 8

David,
I know people with high profile/authoritative jobs such as: police men, lawyers, business men... who are vegetarian.
I am sure that they are put in situations every day where they have to go to business lunch...
I know that the last thing they care about it what the waiter or the client... thinks of them. Peer pressure is something we should get over after college years.
If we believe in a cause, there are no reasons to feel uncomfortable about it and there is nothing manly about eating meat. At least this is not how I see it.
Waitstaff is there to accommodate the customer. It is not their business to give you a funny looks. They will lose a good tip!
Overreacting is not the right word. You worry to much about the image you might project.
Do I feel ashamed? Absolutely not.

Answer 9

No, I don't feel embarrased. Occasionally I feel annoyed or frustrated or depondent that it's hard to eat out or that people understand, but never ashamed.

My ex-bf did. I found out after a while that he hid hs veganism from people. I was shocked, I didn't see why he would do that. Apparently he felt it made him feminine too.

The issue is deeper than I can quicky answer here, but I think it would help you if you are well informed about why you are a vegetarian (as you may be now, I don't know). Although you may feel it is too feminine to say you are veg because you care about animals/the environment you can always tell people about the health reasons too.

http://veganbodybuilding.com/
http://www.veganbodybuilding.org/ have some stuff that the afore mentioned ex likes.

I don't know how your friends are & how they'd react but I've never thought a guy was weak or whatever (as i assume you are implying) because he was veg. I think it improves his status in my mind because he has THOUGHT about something and gone against general society. Also, he has stood up to all those people in not eating meat. That requires strength. I usually assume vegetarians are strong because of how hard it is to have people accept you when you are veg.

Answer 10

I think it is strange that we live in a society that makes us feel ashamed for having the right values and proud for having rotten values.
I think that when we are behind a just cause, our conviction must come through. I have changed my circle of friends and most people I know are vegetarians. Why do show business people, socialites, lawyers... hang out together? A common bound is important.
Big cities are full of great vegetarian restaurants and if I have to go to a restaurant with a non Veg. friend, I take them to a nice veggie restaurant and they are usually surprised how great the food is. Just ignore the advice and don't try to defend yourself.