why do i despise all my ex boyfriends?

Question

every one of them turned out to be manipulative, controlling and abusive when i tried to end the relationship, threatening psychological / physical violence or stalking / intimidating me, etc

now i am older and wiser i look back and feel so angry with them and with myself for putting up with so much c**p off them

it has made me bitter/cynical and now i am spending life alone,
avoiding men + dating because i am so scared of what the damage they can do when things aren't going their way

Answer 1

There are pieces of crap out there. You made a mistake when you were younger, move on. You know what to look for since you saw it firsthand.

Answer 2

I am so sorry Helen, but you let this happen, and what you are feeling is anger/bitterness more towards yourself than to those that have hurt you in the past, because of the choices that YOU made. No one, whether it is a man or a woman, comes with a guarantee and a set of instructions, so we all make mistakes-we are all prone to making wrong choices when it comes to partner choosing, you are not the first and will not be the last!! The trick is not to let your despisement of your ex b/fs to eat away at you inside-not to let the bitterness cloud your everyday life-and not to let it scare you...but to turn it around-make your minuses into pluses, the bad experiences into good. Sorry i have not helped you much with your post Helen-but take heart m'dear, for every controlling manipulative idiot out there-there are 100s of decent loving and respectful guys out there too...so have a rest from men, then be a little more choosey in your choices!BEST OF:-)

Answer 3

You should not be afraid. You won't learn, solve a problem and find results if you will not try. If you're still in trauma, all you can do now is to give time and a lil space for your self. Think about your wrong moves and mistakes before then try to correct it... esp. if you're going to enter a new relationship. Consider all the facts -> the good and bad. Think about it girl. Well don't forget that this is just a piece of advice... It's still your decision that counts yet hope this can help. Take care and God Bless.

Answer 4

You can use it to your advantage too...because you have been with these men in the past it is easier to see the warning signs early on in a relationship and get out fast. No one truly wants to be on their own and the more you allow yourself to be bitter/cynical that means these men are still influencing your life and they are winning...the best revenge is to be happy...there are nice, easy going men out there it is just a matter of finding one...Good luck and don't let the b******s get you down they ain't worth it but you are.

Answer 5

Well i'm sorry and i think you should let lose and find a guy that treats you right without being scared and don't find a guy that is going to hurt you again and that you don't need to feel scared just tell them that i am not going to put up with this or tell somebody and call the cops then he will no what he did wrong .

Answer 6

I look back at my ex;s and wonder what i truely ever saw in them, i dont feel angry at all i feel lucky that i dont have to put up with their attitudes and sometimes abusive behaviour anymore you should feel the same you had a lucky escape.Some women go through life accepting second best but you havnt "WELL DONE" that makes you strong!!!! Tomorrow is a new day make it the start of the rest of your life with a new and more positive outlook your a strong person who is capable of making your life as enjoyable as you wish "FORGET THE PAST" !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

they have made you stronger, more independent, given you the opportunity to know exactly what you want and how not to put up with **** again and probably a dry sense of humour to boot! With behaviour like that from them they will end up lonely not you and because you have had the rough you can now spot who not to do.Thank the useless twats for giving you your strengths and move on.

Answer 8

At least you learned.

But you need to just forget about them. Think of it as moving on because you know what you don't want out of a relationship. You know what kind of person you need, and this will make it easier the next time around.

Answer 9

Dont let these past relationships ruin any relationships you have in the future. I've had similar problems. I've now met someone who is really easy going and caring, its takien four years, I still have my guards up but they aren't all as bad as the ex's

Answer 10

You shouldn't be afraid of them,it is you who seek them out.You keep choosing the same men in different bodies.When we as women allow ourselves to be subjected to repeated abuse,we must be making the same choices.You can halt this behavior by choosing different.Whatever kind of man you think you like is no good for you and you keep choosing him and expecting him to change into this charmer who he isn't.Change your game,change your style of man,there are plenty of men out here,and you need to find a whole different aura of man.