Is this jealousy, insecureness or is it a need for committment from both sides?

Question

I am starting to date a girl who is extremely sweet and we have nothing but fun times together.

But recently I found out that she gets upset when I try to expand my social circles.

The reason I expand (and maintain) my social circles is because I believe that there is a healthy balance between time together and time with friends. I am not a closed couple kind of person. I like to do things with my friends and I like to be invited to their events and hopefully as a couple I can invite others to our activities.

But she is so insecure or jealous that when we go dancing (Salsa dancing), she gets upset if I even think about asking another lady to dance OR if another lady asks me to dance. I do not NEED to dance with anyone else but I do have friends and acquaintances in the Salsa dancing circle that I would like to dance with. Realistically I would only dance say 10% of the time with someone else and give her the rest.

Is she jealous or insecure or is she just too loyal?

By the way I am 38 and she is 33. I hope she is beyond the insure age...

Anyway ...

Furthermore, she states that "this is how it is in our culture, or where we come from" but I tell her we live in America and that in Salsa dancing it is VERY common for couples to not always dance together; and that dancing with other people can help you learn as well as teach others about dancing techniques.

I do not think that it is 'wrong' by any means to do this unless you are unable to control yourself or the other dancer when you are away from your girlfriend/wife/whatever. I believe that if someone makes a pass at you while dancing, all you have to do is say no thanks, and walk away without making a scene.

But by simply AVOIDING that situation by cutting off dancing with someone else (including my friends) is an extreme way to handle this type of situation.

Answer 1

Is she only jealous about the dancing?Or all the time.If she's jealous all the time it's definately insecurity.If it's just on this one issue maybe she just honestly thinks only you guys should dance together.

Answer 2

You had no problem explaining what you would do if someone came on to you while salsa dancing you politey say no and not make a scene and leave. but does your girlfriend know this about you. Maybe she thinks you would be weak. as many women out there don't respect other women even if your with them other women act like she's not there. So if you show her your the real deal and that your not going anywhere and she see's your not a flirt and sleeping all over town with these women and getting phone numbers she will trust you and then it will be much easier when you go out next time. I think she is apprehensive right now as she dones't know your style and how strong you are and if you can say NO. many men crumble you read it on here all the time men cheating. So she's just trying to be protective to stop something before it happens. But this is no fun for you and you can't be you. So i would really have a serious talk with her and tell her exactly what you told us. You sold me on it.

Answer 3

your girlfriend is all three, jealous, insecure and just too loyal. this is hard. because if i were to be honest myself, i think i'd also be a little upset, specially if i'm not friends with your friends as you are with them. although i don't think i'd swear off dancing altogether to avoid the situation. because when your girlfriend says that she grew up that way, that that is their culture, i tell you, she's telling you the truth. being in america doesn't help her either. in all probability the american culture might be making things harder for her. its just her. most probably she's also got this principle that dancing with other guys other than you is a no-no, too. if this is getting you both so upset and you can't give in all the way and neither does she, maybe you can reach some compromise. or maybe, really, more commitment from both sides is needed and will help you both. just bear in mind that if you are both from different cultures, and will continue to nurture your relationship, there will be a lot of differences you will have to overcome. but if you really mean a lot to each other, it will not be impossible and worth it for all the trouble. good luck

Answer 4

Boy, she is insecure. If you quit the dancing she will find another thing to be jealous about.
Loyal isn't a word that you can use. This has nothing to do with loyality.
If you can deal with being on a tight leash then continue to see her.
What you see is what you get. If there are other things that balance out this issue then this is good.

But if you marry her things won't change.

Answer 5

I am Latina and I used to be the same way with my b/f. He has his social circles and he likes to go out with his friends..I would get upset and it wasn't because I was too loyal, I was jealous and insecure, I was trying to control him by being getting mad at him. 4 years later I look back and laugh at how immature I was... don't let her do this to you you need to have friends and yes it is healthy to have a healthy balance between the two. She is trying to control you by her insecurities. you have to be firm and tell her that you have friends and it is unhealthy for her to act this way.
Tell her she either has to accept the fact that you have friends and you like to go out and have fun..it doesn't mean that you are going to be cheating. if she doesn't trust you...don't expect it to get any better...just think about it if you haven't done anything to break her trust...it will only get worst with time.

Answer 6

Its called insecurity

Answer 7

she is insecure, and possesive