I always thought that maternal feelings would kick in at some point, but they never have. Other peoples kids are ok, but the thought of living with one 24/7 horrfies me.
2006-12-01 17:05:44 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It happens. Some people just aren't made to be parents.
2006-12-01 17:07:58 · answer #1 · answered by makin_the_same_mistakes 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Why are you worried about this? Many people feel as you do.
Some are not interested in children, others are concerned about the kind of world they would be bringing children into, some do not feel they would make adequate parents, some women are scared by pregnancy and childbirth and some dislike the idea of having a parasitic being depending on them for several years. I do not know in which category you belong, but I am interested in the fact that you are questioning your own attitude.
I know several women who were positively repulsed by the idea of having a child but when it happened through a hiccough in contraception ,and they were against the idea of abortion, they fell in love with their own child when it was put in their arms. What is more they all made absolutely brilliant mothers and their children were better cared for and educated than many children who were haphazardly conceived by broody women .The mothering instinct did kick in albeit at the eleventh hour.
On the other hand, I also know some parents who were smitten with the idea of babies, but when these materialised, faced serious problems when their infants stopped being cute little things that people gushed over and turned into noisy and demanding kids.
Perhaps you are still too young and your bioligical clock has not started ticking, perhaps you have a satisfactory life or career . You do not mention a partner or a husband, so perhaps you have not met the right man yet. Whichever, I would not worry. I am sure you make a very satisfactory "honorary aunt" to your friends children. Do not allow remarks from third parties regarding your childless state rattle you. It is your life and you can lead it to the full without having children.
2006-12-01 18:25:26 · answer #2 · answered by WISE OWL 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really does not matter if you have these feelings. It's not as if you have children and then find you have no maternal feelings. Which would be worse for the child.
If you feel this way then just don't have children. You may find that later on in life your view will change. Don't worry about it.
A child is for life and should not be entered into lightly. Good on you for thinking about it all before rushing into motherhood, we see all too often children who are unloved, unwanted and scarred by it all.
I am sure there are many women who feel the same as you do and make the decision not to have children and that is ok.
2006-12-01 17:48:36 · answer #3 · answered by citta_uk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That isn't something bad, and nothing anyone should judge you on. This is a life changing event having a child. Me on the other hand love having a little baby. But that is me. I wouldn't take crap if someone gives you grieve about this.
The feelings may still kick in as your "time-clock" isn't nearly done clicking. So I wouldn't worry about it. Some people are meant to be parents, and others aren't. Plus you can still spoil other peoples children and not have all the worries.
2006-12-01 18:44:04 · answer #4 · answered by mke 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know its ok to feel the way u do, it could be an anxiety time you are going through. It doesnt make u a bad person. Their are people that go about life without having children and they live happy, so in this case maybe u r one of those that would rather be around other people's kids rather than have your own.
2006-12-01 19:43:06 · answer #5 · answered by gonzalezleon3022 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never wanted to get married or have kids or anything .. at 18 I got pregnant (obviously unplanned) .. they just kicked in.. Now I am 22 with two boys and trying for a third... Who would of thought? I never even wanted to hold babies before. Everyone is different and if you don't feel like you want to have one then don't. It's your life and better to not be a parent than be a bad one right?
2006-12-01 17:41:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. I love & enjoy kids. I love my neice (6) and nephew (3) but I am scared to death to have any of my own. Being with them ALL the time. Maybe this comes from having 5 younger siblings and getting to "babysit" ALOT when I was younger.....
Don't let people guilt you into having kids if you don't feel ready. It's a huge life changing thing. I have been feeling less & less guilty as time goes on.
2006-12-01 17:17:54 · answer #7 · answered by classic_tigger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people will never have the maternal/paternal drive kick in... Having a child/children isn't the ultimate in happiness for every person.. You are someone who obviously gains her happiness and purpose in life from something other than a child/children... It's ok to not want children, it's ok to never have children, it's ok if you are a great "Aunt" (I put in parentheses because you can play "Aunt" to the children or a friend etc) and enjoy someone elses kids and be completely happy to send them home after the visit....
My cousin Kerry is a great "Aunt" to my children she loves to visit, play, interact, shop, and talk with my children... But she doesn't want any of her own, ever... In her exact words "I love being an "Aunt" because I can interact with your children and enjoy them but then I can go home to my white carpets and white sofa, there is no one there to make a mess and it's quiet." Kerry has never felt the pull of the maternal feelings, she is there for my children whenever they need her and my children love her dearly but she finds her purpose in life through her carreer, through her music and through her art not through motherhood...
Not everyone is going to have children and not everyone has to have children to find thier purpose in life.. Stop fretting about not having that maternal feeling and enjoy what does give your life purpose...
2006-12-01 17:25:21 · answer #8 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The idea of children never appealed to me, either. Perhaps their creepy, parasitic beginning (a fat tapeworm with hands) has something to do with it.
Here's something to remember: there is NO such thing as maternal instinct. It's just self-love (for a Minature Me!), which is greatly encouraged by society. Estrogen and progesterone do NOT cause you to love infants. If they did, women who didn't like their babies could receive these drugs and be cured. You may have noticed that this does not happen.
Do yourself the greatest favor you'll ever do: remain child-free. Your relatives won't like it, and will lobby against it, and no one's going to give you more than a "Well, it's better than child abuse, later" remark. But, you'll thank yourself more times than you can count.
Okay, I'm finished, you guys with Baby Love Syndrome can give me negative points, now.
2006-12-01 17:39:04 · answer #9 · answered by silvercomet 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some people just aren't ment to be parents, however I know this will sound rude but for the most part I really don't like other peoples kids...But I love my own & could not live w/o them! It is silly to think that others peoples children are the same as your own that is like expecting your childs teacher to love them or even like them, they should always act like they like them but personalities do clash, lol
2006-12-01 17:16:57 · answer #10 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite simply, some people are meant to be breeders, some aren't. Don't let other people's envy of your freedom and desire to go with the crowd taint your sense of self. You should be proud that you were smart enough to figure out that you didn't want children before you had them, unlike some morons that I've seen.
2006-12-01 17:16:37 · answer #11 · answered by wendy_the_pyro 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋