Is a marriage of convenience better than being divorced with a child?

Question

It is not uncommon for wives who don't work outside the home and haven't for years to stay tied to their husbands who provide for them and their child. There is a certain level of comfort in being a housewife. It is not uncommon for such people to sleep in separate bedrooms and have their own life but yet connect as a family. I can imagine a woman who is accustomed to being supported will have a difficult time with a separation. She imagines her salary at starting an entry level job would cause her to be "less of a generous mother" because the time she devotes to her son/house would then be compromised by a job. She would have to get a smaller house. Currently, with her husband a man she don't love and realizes she never did thus feeling trapped into the "desire" to make the family appear okay for the sake of the kids. Just looking for some constructive input on this matter?

Answer 1

People can have great functional split families. There is no reason to stay in a bad relationship for 'the sake of the kids'. You have to remember that if a man and a woman as a mom and dad are in a bad relationship then that brings their children into a bad relationship as well. They don't have the power to change it but the parents do.

If a woman has spent the majority of her adult life as a housewife and wants to get divorced then her husband will have to pay spousal support until she can get a job to take care of her family.

If the family was making it on one salary before the kids won't go without because the gov't will make sure that the dad has to pay to keep the kids lives uninterrupted (as much as possible)

It's not a good idea to continue the cycle -- what mother would want her children to grow up in that kind of environment and think that was the way to live? Those children will end up in the same situation eventually.

Answer 2

A marriage of convenience will work just fine if no kids are involved. But to have the kids grow up believing a lie (that you are happily married) and later divorce once they are of age, serves no justice.

Children adapt to a broken home better than being confused by a make believed life. Imagine the pain the kids will go through when you live a lie in front of them.

Imagine you loving someone with all of your heart. Imagine you being confident that the person feels the same way about you. Imagine having this relationship for 18 years, and then one day out of the blue, your mate tells you that they don't want to be with you anymore that they never did love you like they said they did, but lied to you to keep the relationship together for convenience.

Now take that pain, and imagine it being inflicted on our kids when you divorce their dad after living a lie for so many years. I hope you have answers for your kids as to why did you fake it for so long.

Answer 3

Marriage was originally a contract that pretty much said, "you go work the fields, I'll do housework, and we can have babies together." And back in the days, it was impossible from the time and money point to do things any other way. Today, there's plenty of single parents who are doing well on their own. Naturally, men and women are drawn to different kinds of jobs; why is it most nurses are female and most engineers male? Ultimately, what counds is not the quantity, but the quality of a relationship a parent has with the child. If you're a crappy parent, being a crappy parent more hours in a day doesn't fix it; if you're a great parent, you can be a great parent while having a full time job as well. And what kinds of values does she want to teach her kids? Most parents tell their kids one thing, while doing something completely different themselves. In the end, the parents see the same undesired behavior in their kids as they exhibit themselves, and they end up on the surface frustrated with the kids. Personally, I would rather have a mother who is satisfied with a smaller house, but one that is well kept and free of debt, both monetary, and in terms of a social obligation (ie. marriage of convenience), but that's just my preference. My mother has tried her best to shelter me from the harsh conditions we were in [but rest assured, children can tell!] and all she has taught me is that I am best off in life to conceal my problems - just like she did. Surely she didn't intend this, but kids often pick up the bigger message (ie. you get on in life by concealing the problems) rather than the smaller one (ie. we are a great family who is well off and all there for each other).

Answer 4

No, it's not a good idea. Though your thoughts are only with the child (good start), the child will ony grow up in an environment of "fake love". And this can never turn out well... this will also cause other problems, like a domino effect and will ruin your life, but also the childs. Teach your child to love when he/she is sure the feeling's well... but for now you just can't do that. My best suggestion is to keep the child in the same house... and instead the parents move from house to house to see the child. After all, it's not the childs fault that this happened to them.

Anyway, if this is you... good luck getting through your divorce.

Answer 5

Kids will eventually sense that you're not happy. The relationship you have is a model for your children...what do you hope they will have for a relationship?
The income thing is not as bad as most people make it out to be. Get yourself though college (4-years), and you can start at >$50k if you make money your priority (or you actually like work that tends to generate money). The 4 years and the loans are worth that -- plus while you're a student you have a more flexible schedule with your children and the government will make sure none of you do without.

Answer 6

I wonder what the child thinks, what they know? How is the atmosphere? Divorce is hardest on the kids. I wouldn't wish it on my dog. Satan loves it when he can break up a family. Love is a funny thing. Just when you think it's died, it can be rekindled. Assuming her husband is a good man and father she needs to find something that makes her happy. She could change husbands, but then you've just changed one problem for another. You need to work on the problem at hand and fix that. Does she respect him? Why did she marry him in the first place? Surely there had to be something there in the begining? Counseling couldn't hurt...

Answer 7

Sounds like you are content not working and being a house wife. I do not know which is worse a marriage of pretense or lying to your children about it. There are more women in present and past that stayed with their husbands to make life good for the kids and ended up staying with their spouses even after the children grew up and left home. I guess it comes down to how much is one willing to take.

Answer 8

bypass away him and get on with you're existence. you recognize it quite is doomed so why stay once you're no longer satisfied. There are delivers accessible for single mothers to bypass returned to college. you're able to do it on line. you have infants and in case you get custody you will get newborn help and because you have in no way worked you may nevertheless acquire some variety of alimony, you purely can no longer get area of his inheritance as a results of pre-nup. you may touch an criminal professional to weigh your techniques. Take the pre-nup with you. Consultations are oftentimes loose and in case you break up it quite is obtainable your better half could be made to pay the criminal professional expenditures. yet you certainly could get out. He basically figures you will no longer bypass away and you may practice him which you're no longer a whipped domestic dog and could stand on your very own 2 ft. What has got here approximately is in the previous and you're no longer from now on that youthful, naive woman he married. He made useful of that. So now bypass out and grab some happiness for your self. sturdy success.

Answer 9

i have seen this situation before and what i would say is that a marriage that is not based in love and caring is a poor example of marriage to show a child. it is hard to adjust to taking care of everything when you are used to being a stay at home parent major adjustments always are.but again i would say that it is also unfair to yourself as a person to deny yourself a marriage that makes you happy and fulfills your needs. even if you think everything looks ok on the surface don't underestimate your child's ability to sense your unhappiness. this is just my opinion and maybe it will give you another point of view.good luck with finding your answer.

Answer 10

I am a child of a mother who divorced my father. yoyour child will be mad at u for a while...and when u find a new person..they will never like him...I mean..he may be a nice guy...but she/he will hate him...just because he is not THEIRS. But...it is WAY better for ur child to see u happy with someone else rather than unhappy with their father/mother. Please take this advice when I tell u: If u are going to divorce do it right, and find a GREAT man that you will STAY Either this time. Don't look for a guy either....Just WAIT.
Take this from me: I know what it's like