I am 19 years old and i live with my grandma bc my so called mother chose my stepfather over me and my real father is gone. Well I love my grandma but its not her its the man that lives with us, not to mention my aunt and her 2 kids as well. The man that lives with us always calls me names like fat a$$, and stuff like that and he threatens to throw me against the wall, he has been abusive with me in the past but hasnt since i turned 19. I have had burses on me from him but my gramma didnt say anything. Not only this but i get 2 checks every month.(i am deaf) They add up to over 500 and my gramma only gives me 150 of it bc she needs the rest for the bills. I know i prolly cant make it on my own and i cant go to the cops about any of this. When the man living here gets mad at someone he yells at me and takes it out on me. I cant take this much longer. I need a life and privacy. I need freedom, anyone have any advice? I am hoping someone can help. Please dont be rude.
2006-12-01 14:57:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My checks come in my name, I dont sign, he just forces me to look at him when hes yelling or talking to me. He snoops through my stuff and reads my letters and everything. No shelters around me and no matter where i go everyone ususally knows me and they tell my gramma everything. Hope that clears somethings up that i missed.
2006-12-01 15:13:25 · update #1
Oh yeah sorry about this but i am not in school now i graduated with a gpa of 2.7 somethin and i have a bf, and whenever i go to his house for awhile my gramma calls and makes me come home if i am gone too long. I go to get away from here but it seems like it dont do ne good.
2006-12-01 15:18:24 · update #2
yes you should press charges on this man and get a protective order....there should be some places on the web where you can work to make some money...just because you are deaf and helping your grandma with the bills you should get some respect because you are trying to help and they are not! good luck and stay sweet and take care.
2006-12-01 15:00:24 · answer #1 · answered by moaehahi1979 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to contact your local social services office & get assistance. You are talking about an abusive, dangerous situation and need to get out.
There should be organizations in your area to help you with placement and skills training. Being deaf does not prevent you from functioning on your own - you just need to do things a little differently and for that you may need some help starting out.
At least go & ask questions. Find out what services are available to you. If you are still in school - go to a teacher or counselor and ask the same questions. Get help & get out.
Surf the net & look for services in your state, county or city. Check the web-site belonging to whoever sends you your check. You're 19 now, you should be able to decide about your money unless there are special circumstances regarding your guardianship.
Nobody can make these choices but you. Start doing it.
2006-12-01 15:04:57 · answer #2 · answered by bionicbookworm 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave there. This man is emotionally abusive and has been physically abusive in the past -- it is reasonable to think he will do that again. You haven't said who this man is. I hope he is not a family member, or someone that your grandmother or aunt is dating!
There *are* shelters out there. They are hidden so that the bad people out there can't find them. If you are in the US, you can go to any police station, fire department and many other places to ask for help. They are labelled with yellow signs that say "Safe Place" and they agree not to tell anyone about who they helped, etc. You can go to the police. Truly.
I understand if you are wanting to help your grandmother with the bills by allowing her to use some of your money. That is kind-hearted. But she is not providing you with a safe place to live since she is allowing that man to live there and terrorize you. I don't know what her reasons are, but it wouldn't matter. No one deserves to be treated like that.
You mentioned your boyfriend. Do you have plans to move in together? You had mentioned in another question that you wanted to get pregnant. I am concerned that you would be making yourself even more dependant on people that are not supporting you already. If your boyfriend cannot help to support you (even with the checks you get), then he can't help support a baby. And how hard would it be to live with this horrible guy giving you a hard time, and probably your baby too? What if he got violent while you were pregnant and hurt the baby? A baby can wait until you are in a safe place and can provide for it. Honest.
A shelter is a first step. But you still need to contact VR (Vocational Rehabilitation). They can help you with a job search and job skills training. They should also be able to get you in touch with the right people for housing you can afford. The best thing you can do for yourself is to become independant so that you don't have to rely on other people that are hurting you. You CAN do it! Do it for yourself.
See my other answer for info about deaf and hard of hearing departments -- they can get you in touch with VR counselors and such. Or you can do an internet search for "vocational rehabilitation" and your state to get info.
Get ready to pack your bags and walk out the door girl. You can do it! I KNOW YOU CAN!
2006-12-03 23:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by InterpreterNatalie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish a miracle on your life! You are underaged, to leave to live on your own. Have you tried a church? A smal homey one would be better. Try to avoid 'him' whenever you can. Pray and pray a lot. Bc you have no other resources now, just benefit from whatever you are getting, like school, accomodation, clothes.
Family is often the most hard to live with even for me, but, I'm already an adult, and I dont' have a handicap. You are a pretty smart kid too, knowing that the police can't do anyting about domestic issues. How about trying a family service center, near where you live? They may have a shelter or some short term living arrangement. They might also assist you with finding work.
May God give you his discernment, wisdom and His clear directions. God bless you always!
2006-12-01 15:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by thru a glass darkly 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I will never be rude to you or anybody else. I hope that you have a worker assigned to you either through AISH or any other agency from where your cheques are coming from. Should this be the case, contact your worker and explain your situation. There should be a deaf and hearing association in the city that you are living in that you can be in contact with. You can also call any hospital and request to be directed to the Social work department. A Social Worker should be able to put you in the right direction. The other choice that you have is calling any distress centre and requesting the number for a shelter serving men who are fleeing domestic abuse. I am assuming you are male because the name you are using as ID DADDY ...... You can look in the white pages of your city for a health link where they give advice over the phone regarding health issues. Your case falls under physical, emotional and Psychological health being at risk now. Google CYCLE OF ABUSE and find out more information on the level of victimization you are going through. Do not call the police on them until you are in a safe place. The police can work on historical charges later on. If you are in small town where everybody knows everybody a shelter can arrange for a donated ticket with Greyhound so you can go to a shelter in a different city. Greyhound in Calgary is very supportive of victim of family violence. Information is power because same give you awarness of your own reality so you can work towars change. You are very smart individual who knows how to navegate the net so look for these information on the internet as well. All these agencies have TTY services too. You can make it on your own if you put your mind in to it. There are careers disigned for people with your conditions. You can access information by visiting a career centre. Look for information in one of the employment centres near you. Your freedom and privacy will come with working towards becoming self-suficient. Your priority is to find a way to move out from your abusers and get your self-esteem back by proven to yourself that you can do it. You can free yourself from abuse. You may benefit from working on the underlying issues affecting your self-worth by receiving counselling on a long term basis. Best wishes
2006-12-01 15:53:24 · answer #5 · answered by Angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly if I were you I would try to make it on my own, get yourself and inexpensive studio apartment and check out Social Services in your area for some help with housing,food stamps,health insurance etc. Until you find some kind of work that would give you some extra income. You are being abused where you are, for your sanity---get out of there . There is low income apartments in every city to help those just like you. Use the services that is what they are there for. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-01 15:03:53 · answer #6 · answered by Urchin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really need to go to a family counselor or your minister because what is happening to you is illegal. I would also call the police if only to tell them that your money is being taken from you. Ask a friend if you can stay withthem for awhile but do not allow yourself to be mistreated this way. Be good to yourself!
2006-12-01 15:09:04 · answer #7 · answered by tcbtoday123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to go to the cops and you need to deal with this, go to a womans shelter. there is gov't aid as well as private funding that can help you. also, just because you are deaf doesn't mean you can't gget a job and suppost your self, you can atleast type better english that most of the people on this site.
2006-12-01 15:04:12 · answer #8 · answered by soccer2music 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay have you tried to find income based housing they usually make thing super cheap and that usually includes water sewage power and a few other thing since you get a check i wondering if you have a counsler or a case manager call the human services in your area and talk to one of there counslers you proubly qulify for a **** load of things no one sould have to live like that
2006-12-01 15:01:51 · answer #9 · answered by pamela b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well check around they probably have special housing for deaf people.ya got to do your research.but at 19 its probably time to get out on your own anyways
2006-12-01 15:00:24 · answer #10 · answered by brianlr2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋