What should I do with my 10 year old son?

Question

Please advise, my wife and I are going crazy trying to figure out our 10 year old sons anger/bad attitude. He's an A student and we get complements from school of his good behaviour and hard work. However, at home it's a different story, he's always angry for some reason. Last week he scratched very noticably our expensive vehicle with a rock the entire left side because he has angry. On one occasion my wife took him for a haircut and he refused to get out of the car because he was not made aware of this before. On another occasion he started yelling at my wife because she did not take him to McDonalds, he becomes extremely angry and starts yelling and disrispecting. It's every week almost every other day, almost as he's out of control. What should we do, he's always angry?

Answer 1

Excuse me for being very politically incorrect. This is rebellion. It is as old as the hills and is a cancer. People will say he will outgrow it. Maybe--probably not--it will to some extent cause problems for years to come--and effect him into adult hood. It will asuredly continue to cause you headaches and heart ache--as it is doing now.

Set up some rules, discipline and structure. He will immediately rebel. You are going to have to deal with that rebellion. And again, I am going to be real nutty, and suggest you spank him. I would go out an get a paddle--I am very serious and use it consistently to enforce the structure you are demanding and he desperatelty needs.

Mine would have gotten paddled for each of the incidents you mentioned. I will wager you that if this happens the number of incidents will take a nose dive.

Some rebellion is good. But you must keep it under control. This will work. It worked for centuries.

Good luck.

Answer 2

My son became very angry when he was about ten. He was always good in school though. We went to therapy, which seemed to help some. There was never a definitive answer on what th problem was. Several things came up: We started consulting him more on what was coming up. For instance, your haircut thing - he would have balked at that too. He is probably starting to have male hormones now, and early on that can be very different for him and cause extreme aggression. Just like the on-set of female hormones and the period can make girls very moody. He needs to get used to how his body is developing, how the horomones effect him, and how to feel comfortable with it all. Consult with him on decisions which effect him. He needs to know that you are the final authority, but you will take his opinions into consideration. Don't engage in an argument if he picks a fight with you. That will only escalate his anger. Be calm. Use humor to diflect the smaller stuff, but never act as though his problems are small. They are big to him. You mentinoed that he is an A student. That is wonderful, but you have to ask yourself if he is putting himself under a lot of stress in order to obtain those grades. Is he getting A's in order to please you and then resenting it? Make sure he knows that the most important thing is that he tries his best, not that he always gets A's. Good luck. My temper-ridden 10 yr old is now 16 and we have very few problems with him. He has a lot of freedom to go places because we can trust him. No drugs, alchol, etc... My problem now is that he want to go away next weekend with a friend to New Hampshire. Any thoughts?

Answer 3

Have you tried sitting him down and talking to him? If that doesn't work then maybe you should get a counselor to talk to him. Sometimes a counselor can help find out the problem but it sounds like he's angry with you and your wife about something and he's finding ways to get back at you. Maybe he wants more attention or it could be that he wants his way all the time and he acts out to get attention to see how far he can push you and your wife. Start taking away privileges when he acts up like TV or video games. Things that he really likes to do. He will more than likely behave better once he knows what the consequences are. I would set some rules before he really gets out of control.

Answer 4

From what you have said, it sounds like there are two problems here, 1) hormonal disruptions and 2) pressure to excel in school. The frustration that mount up need an outlet, and at the age of ten, a child has more energy than parents and school can channel. I would therefore recommend enrolling him in a martial arts program (judo, aikido, kung-fu, etc.) that provide not only an outlet for his boundless energy but also mental discipline. Be sure to find a teacher who focuses on martial arts as a spiritual discipline rather than a means of self-defense.

Answer 5

It sounds like it might be a deeper issue. Have you talked to his doctor about it? Even though he seems to be quite intelligent, there could be underlying issues as to why he is so angry. There is something going on in his life that he doesn't know how to handle, or talk about. Does he get enough attention at home? Do you and your wife spend enough time with him? Is he being bullied at school? Is he bored at home or possibly so intelligent that he can't handle his own brain? (perhaps a genius of some sort?) Have you talked to him about his anger issues and what may be bothering him? How do you discipline him and do you? Do you both work full time? Is he a "latch-key" kid? There are so many things that could be causing these episodes. I suggest you try to talk to your son, together with your wife....and be honestly interested in him and what his issues may be, even if they seem petty to you.......if that doesn't work, I would talk to his doctor, perhaps he/she could recommend something or some sort of counseling or therapy.

Answer 6

First of all kids are always better somewheres else than at home. That's just the nature of the "beast". As for the anger there is obviously something going on. On one hand it could be puberty but on the other it could also be a bi polar problem. If I were you I'd take him to the doctor and explain the situation to the doctor, they can have him tested to see if there are any chemical imbalances and if there is anything therapy might do to help. It could also be simply the stress of keeping up the grades and puberty...

Answer 7

I'm not sure that there is any one answer for you here, otehr than to offer you my sympathies. You are his parent, and no one will no him better than you.

I read your question and remember my brother when we were growing up. He was diagnosed with several mood disorders as a child because he had similar problems to what you describe. He would be perfectly amicable and then he would just lash out with seemingly unwarranted anger and rage. He ended up having problems with depression that just manifested that way. He knew the behavior that others expected of him, but when the depression became too much for him to cover up he would blow up over the tiniest thing. He is much better now as a young adult after a few years of therapy and some medication early on.

My eight-yr-old son has been exhibiting some of the same symptoms as my brother, and it hurts me immeasurably to see him suffer this way. My husband and I handle it by trying to remind our son that he's not allowed to be mean or abusive, but that his anger and anxieties are okay to show in non-hurtful ways. For example, when he gets angry and looks like he's about to blow up at us, we try to direct him to another part of the house or wherever we are that is away from others and he knows he can "stomp out the angries" with his feet on the floor. We also bought a trampoline so he can get out his anger there. Something about the joint pressure helps him to release it all. If it does escalate too quickly for us to catchearly and he is acting out of control, we remind him that we love him and will not allow him to be hurtful to us or his siblings and simply leave him where he is, within reason, totally alone. Occassionally it's happened in public places where it's unsafe to do that, so one of us stays near him but unresponsive until he is calm enough to go somewhere safe to discuss the problem.

When we first started having issues with it, we were given "advice" from many well-meaning sources to have him medicated and diagnosed. We didn't feel that was necessary because it didn't interfere with daily life. We knew that we, as his parents, just needed to learn new ways of helping him become an adult (our job). So I went to the library and online to find books and info. The best book was "Kids are Worth It" You should definitely read it, and buy a copy to refer to in times of crisis.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope all turns out well.

Answer 8

take him to a child psychologist. my seven year old was diagnosed as depressed and anxious and having anger issues, he acted out in similiar ways, but after one summer of therapy and moving away from an overbearing grandmother who needs to be committed anyway, he is much better. and all without any medication. some times talking to someone other than the parents is the best.also, the therapist set up a daily routine for him so he always felt safe and secure regardless of where he was,for example, dinner at 6 for 30 mins. and lights out at 9 even on weekends. it helped.

Answer 9

This is a very hard time in a childs life. I bet it's just puberty and hormonal changes causing him to be up and down.
Talk to your family doctor(without him). He might offer you help or suggestions.
I know it's crazy but you may have anywhere from 2 to 12 more years of this.

Answer 10

I know that it is easier said then done, but maybe you should sit down and talk to him about it. Sometimes you need to punish them. If my brother does not behave, we take something he really likes away from him until he is good then he gets it back. Maybe you should do that or ground them from the computer, no freinds, no tv, just things like that. I am not a mother yet but I can maybe help you on this one.