dad trouble!?

Question

is it crazy that I do not enjoy my dad's company as much as i used to? i'm not sure if I'm changing, or he's changing, or we're both changing, but I feel like our relationship is not the same as it used to be.

he is getting older and last year he was in an accident and sadly broke his leg. he had to have surgery and fortunately he was able to walk again, but every now and then he does complain about his leg hurting a bit. is it possible for a person to change after surgery?

i wouldn't say he and i ever had the closest dad/daughter relationship, but now he seems to complain alot about stuff (even the tiniest of things). he's very impatient and kind of a downer. i will try and be his little miss sunshine and bring up positive things, but the positive energy sometimes doesn't last.

what can i do to make him more happy and positive and try to eliminate his impatientness and short fuse?

thanks.

Answer 1

People can definitely change after trauma and surgery, and often not for the better.
Perhaps you're both changing, drifting apart. That's okay, it's a part of the process.
When you don't know what to do to make him happier, just remember that he will not be here forever and one day you might regret not making an effort. So, try your best.

Answer 2

People certainly can change through the years, that's why we tend to have different friends through different phases in our lives. Of course you can't get a new Dad, he's your one and only. I can tell you from personal experience that having surgery can definitely change you. I had a surgery that didn't go as well as I had hoped and it certainly made me depressed for a while. Your father may have similar feelings if his leg still hurts. Being in chronic pain makes it hard to have a positive outlook on anything, so maybe you should suggest to your Dad that he see a doctor to discuss management of the pain he still has in his leg.

Overall, the best thing you can do is be there for your Dad. Sit down and let him know that you're concerned about his change in attitude and that you want to help him in any way you can. Sometimes people need a wake-up call and he might not realize how negative he has become. But because you're his daughter he may feel like he has the freedom to dump all his troubles on you and he may not realize the effect it is having on you. These can be hard conversations to have but it's always best to bring things out in the open.

Answer 3

Discuss it with him at a time when he is otherwise peaceful and you can just talk it out. Don't accuse. Tell him how YOU feel.... and that you love him.

Yes, surgery has a big affect on some people. My dad is different since his heart surgeries.

I had surgery removing a disk in my c-spine, putting in donor bone and a metal plate.... and I'm different.

I don't care anymore..... which actually makes me less tense, more fun, and just blowing off any problems. LOL I'm more fun to be with now! hehehe

It can be biological, mental, emotional, etc., but changes do happen. Psychologists are trained to deal with these issues as well, so you might find counselling if necessary.

But I would begin by being a loving daughter and talk it over with your dad. He may even realize he's not "himself" and need some help to deal with it.

God Bless,

Sue

Answer 4

dont stop doing things to let your dad know you appreciate him. when you grow old after working years to support a family ,you too my dear may too become depressed, tired ,and even complain.of course it is not healthy for your dad, but the best thing you can do for your dad is stay out of trouble , do good in school, and help them as much as possible. your dad will not be here forever. and the older we get , the more tired we are. our bodies change, our emotions. what do old people have to look forward to other than getting older. your dad may need to see a doctor about his irrateability. my dad was and still is short tempered. it is very depressing . i understand how you feel. i cant change the way my dad is , but i always try to make him feel happy , and always try to create a stress free enviromnet when i am around him. keep your head up. you are a good daughter.

Answer 5

If you were depressed and your physical ability was limited, and you were hurting and everyone kept trying to be sunshiney you might not be the most pleasant person. Sounds like how he dealt with his accident was what put the wall between you? Anyway, what would happen if you were real. Gee Dad ya I bet you hurt. And I bet its shitty to be in pain. I am sorry that you are feeling like crap. And dad? I kinda miss the way we used to hang out. Can we do that sometime?:) Try to honor his feelings and yours by speaking the truth about stuff. It sucks to have everyone pretend like nothing is wrong. His complaints may subside as he is validated. And just be who you are as you really are because that is enough.

Answer 6

hey the best way to find out whats wrong with dad is just ask he dad can we talk. then just ask him if you have done anything to hurt him or upset him. if he says yes then ask him what and talk to him about it. if he says no then ask him whats been wrong. and yes a broken bone can cause some personality changes just be cause the bone marrow gets into the blood strem and then the go to the brain and cause mood swings ,mood changes also. maybe the 3 of you need to speed some real time toghter. that always helps see daddy's little girl is growing up and daddy has to except that and that is real hard for any man to do. trust me i had the same problem with my dad and we talked and we worked it all out. if any body other then your dad tells you to just give him space then don't listen go talk and work it out. but if dad says just give me space then give it some time and show your concerned and let him no you are and give him that space. good luck and best wishes

Answer 7

Tough question because I am going through the same thing. I am not sure when our relationship changed but it did and it's not pleasant. He doesn't approve of my husband and he thinks my son is a failure. When I do talk to him; I watch what I say so as not to upset him. He has Parkinson's. Life is funny because he doesn't know what is going on with me but my daughter does let me know about him. The man has fallen three times this fall. It hurts but I know that all I can do is be there and let him know that I am there if he needs me which sadly doesn't seem to be happening.

If you find a solution to your question; please let me know because daughters are supposed to have special relationships with their fathers.

Answer 8

This will be a learning experience to him . He wasn't close long ago and now you are the one who is strong. Families will often raise one child as an outsider to society. They can never be close to parent or siblings. So he resents what you can't give him . The outsiders can never be close to the winner people. So I say things won't change much. God will give him a stroke or a heart attack to help him see you differently but it may do little.

Answer 9

You can't fix him, but you can spend a little time with him and be upbeat. He's probably feeling more vulnerable after his injury and depressed. Try seeing a movie, museum or park together and not blah blah over the relationship. If he continues to bring you down, see less of him and tell him why.

Answer 10

well, I assume you are a young lady who cares for her father, You say you are close, but things are stretching about with the relationship. My personnel view, and I am in my 70"s with 13 grand-kids and close to all my daughters, Yes, but it does not always take surgery to make you depressed. Age, I still have many complications, I cannot go catch ball with my grand-kids, I cannot walk far to see them play sports, so many other things age has taken from me as many others. I feel so great, not only with words, not sympathy, but TOUCHING, when they get in front of me, look me eye to eye, gently speak, sometimes with a smile, Now that is what makes me feel good. so much more to say but hoping this helps as many of the other great suggestions do good Luck, Ps, love him, look him in the eye, touch him, hand in hand etc just feels so caring