Jealousy or Extreme Loyalty?

Question

I am starting to date a girl who is extremely sweet and we have nothing but fun times together.

But recently I found out that she gets upset when I try to expand my social circles.

The reason I expand (and maintain) my social circles is because I believe that there is a healthy balance between time together and time with friends. I am not a closed couple kind of person. I like to do things with my friends and I like to be invited to their events and hopefully as a couple I can invite others to our activities.

But she is so insecure or jealous that when we go dancing (Salsa dancing), she gets upset if I even think about asking another lady to dance OR if another lady asks me to dance. I do not NEED to dance with anyone else but I do have friends and acquaintances in the Salsa dancing circle that I would like to dance with. Realistically I would only dance say 10% of the time with someone else and give her the rest.

Is she jealous or insecure or is she just too loyal?

Furthermore, she states that "this is how it is in our culture, or where we come from" but I tell her we live in America and that in Salsa dancing it is VERY common for couples to not always dance together; and that dancing with other people can help you learn as well as teach others about dancing techniques.

I do not think that it is 'wrong' by any means to do this unless you are unable to control yourself or the other dancer when you are away from your girlfriend/wife/whatever. I believe that if someone makes a pass at you while dancing, all you have to do is say no thanks, and walk away without making a scene.

But by simply AVOIDING that situation by cutting off dancing with someone else (including my friends) is an extreme way to handle this type of situation.

Answer 1

It sounds like she may be either insecure, possessive or controlling. Have you tried talking with her about this? Also, is it possible that maybe in some way you're trying to spark a reaction from her?.....Maybe even as an ego boost?

PS....I don't think "loyalty" is the reason for her actions.
Good luck!

Answer 2

she may be a lil of all. I am going through the same things right now with my man. I can't have any friends because he is too jealous or something. I mean their not even guy friend they are mostly girl friends. I have one guy friend and he lives 2 1/2 hours away so I don't think I will be visiting him anytime soon. I just don't understand myself what his problem is. I do believe in what you said about there is alone time then there is time that you need to be with your friends. Im the kinda person that I can't be around the same person 24/7 I have to get out for a night or so otherwise we will be at each others throats all the time. It sounds like that exaclty what you are going throught too. You nedd to give it to her straight. let her know that if she can't except the fact that you wanna be with you friends too then she has to go.

Answer 3

She may be both loyal and a bit insecure. This is something that you two probably have to come to a compromise about - if you can. I'm not sure if you've had a heart to heart discussion with her. If you haven't, maybe there's some assurances that you can give her to set her mind at ease. Perhaps a signal for when you are with other people and she feels lonely. If you can both feel accepted for your feelings, then maybe both of you can come up with a creative solution that works for both of you. You will probably both have to stretch your comfort levels a bit. My fiance and I are a bit like this. I'm more extroverted and he's more introverted. It's a balancing act, but most of the time we work it out now. However, it wasn't easy at first. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I think you have commitment issues. When it is right it is right and that 10% you give now to your salsa friends, well, honestly would not exist. When you are into someone 100% that is who you WANT to be with. Of course, still spend time with your friends. However, she sounds insecure and you sound not ready for a commitment. Good luck

Answer 5

She's really jealous, which might stem from being insecure. Talk to her about it. Tell her that you're interested in only her and that doesn't need to be bothered by your dancing with other ladies. Good luck.

Answer 6

yes she sounds like she's jealous. maybe also insecure, maybe due to past relationships, just continue to try to make her aware that she's the one for you but you need your space once in awhile to be with your friends. hopefully she'll start to understand and lighten up a little.

Answer 7

You didn't say how old you were but sounds to me like your girl is definitely insecure with you. She may be a little immature yet, if you really care for her try to reassure her but if the jealousy continues it is going to get a little trying for you.

Answer 8

maybe she is not necessarily jealious but maybe she has been hurt in the past and just doesnt want you to realize your lady friend is a better match for you...even if you swear you are just friends...girls are tricky..i know i am one and i dont like when my guy touches another girl...i mean talking is ok as long as its just friendly talking and not flirting.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

i think its between jealousy and insercure, if she is rele like "i dont like you dancing w/ someone else" then yea its both... just heads up, she is going to get protective and start fights w/ ur friends bcuz she isnt spending enough time 2gether...