Spacing between children?

Question

I have a son who is 10 months old. My husband wants to have a 2 year gap between babies and I would prefer a 4 year gap. I think it will give us adequate 1 on 1 time with our son... get him out of diapers and in preschool (to allow more alone time with the infant during the day)... still have the children relatively close together... but far enough apart that it will be a little easier. What do you think? Anyone have a 4 year gap between children? How did it work out? Thanks.

Answer 1

I only have one child, but I am expecting another in June...... Our son is 2 1/2 years old..... whe wanted about a 3 1/2 year gap between them , so that our son would be out of diapers, and in preschool.... and this way it would be easier to take care of 1 child and the housework during the day, but we also liked this so that they will still be close enough together to play with each other..... I have a friend who has a 4 1/2 year gap, and she hates it.... the only thing she likes is that the older one can help out, but they have nothing in common and it is a little rough... she wished it had been a 2 year gap.... 2 other friends of mine have 2 kids, one had them 3 years apart and the other had hers 1 1/2 years... 3 years apart seems perfect for them and they way the do things, and 1 1/2 is just too close, she can't get anything done around the house.... when one naps the other won't they have different eating schedules, and they are both in diapers... the oldest has taken longer to potty train than anticipated......... I like the idea of 3 years myself, but it is really up to you to figure out your own perfect difference...... good luck... you might also look at parenting.com and join their forum and get opinions from them too...... look at as many pros and cons as possible before you make your decision........... Also my brothers and I are all 3 years apart and we are the best of friends........ My mom wouldn't have done it any other way!!!!

Answer 2

I have a 9 1/2 month old, and I would like to start trying to get pregnant again shortly before his second birthday. I think a 3 year gap sounds good. I have friends who had 3 year gaps between themselves and a sibling, and they all grew up very close to one another.

There is a 7 year gap between my sister and I, and we were never very close until recently. Even though it's not much of an age gap, she grew up in a completely different decade than I did, and I feel more like an aunt than a sister. And between my sister and brother, there is a 2 year gap. They can get along really well sometimes, but other times it is a huge fight for attention.

I'm sure that there are pros and cons for every spacing scenario, but every family is different and when the right time comes for you to get pregnant again, you will know it.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Here's how I feel about space between kids. At age 4, your son will be in that phase where everything is new, every day. If you wanted to bring a baby in on top of all of that (especially considering your son will be almost ready to start school) will probably be a bit hard. However, two years can be hard too, because the kids will be very close in age. Three years is good because you won't have schooling issues and they probably will be able to mature without one another or being constantly put in the same situation (i.e. having to spend time together during recess in grades 1 &3 or something along those lines). Whatever you choose, just teach your kids good values and help them become good people, and I'm sure you'll have a fabulous family.

Answer 4

Spacing between my first and second children is 2 years and 3 months. Between #2 and #3 is 3 years and 2 months. Between #3 and #4 is 12 years!! When our older kids were 18, 15, and 12 we had a little surprise pregnancy. I don't recommend that much time in between, but there are pros and cons to every spacing you can imagine. Friends of ours have 2 kids who are 17 months apart. That was how they wanted to do it and it worked well for their family. I thought that 3 years between kids was easier than 2 years between. The 2 children who are 3 years apart are actually the closest of all now that they are adults.

Answer 5

My two sons are 2 1/2 years apart, which worked fine for us. I know people who have a 4 year gap, and they're perfectly satisfied, as well.

I think it's more about what you want. 2 years is fine. 4 years is fine. Whichever you choose, you'll make it work out.

(If you're planning to work, it could be that 2 years gets you back into the workforce sooner...? Perhaps that's a factor here?)

Perhaps you could compromise and go for 3 years.


One person brought up a good point about the closeness of the kids as they grow. 2 1/2 years apart for my two boys has worked out well...they related to each other pretty well throughout their lives, and they're 18 and 16 now. I envision they'll be "friends" for the rest of their lives, having many common/grounded experiences together.

Answer 6

My children are 4 years apart...I love it a lot. My daughter is 6 years old and in the 1st grade...And then I have 2 year old twins. I have time to do things with the younger ones during the day and my errands are soo much better. I spend time w/ my 6 year old after she gets home until she goes to bed. I seriously never thought I was going to have anymore children after my first child but I am glad that they're apart like that.

Answer 7

Wait and see. our original plan was to have our children 2-3 years apart. Then we had to put off the second pregnancy because of health problems. Then for 1 year it just did not happen although we were both perfectly healthy and having intercourse regularly. We had our second baby 5 years and 10 months after the first. My children are now grown and now i can't imagine doing it any other way.

Answer 8

Personally I agree with what you want. Had I had another child I would have waited at least another 4 years before starting to try for the second one. My younger sister and I are 7 years apart and that was quite helpful for my mom. I was as you said out of diapers and in school all day so mom could focus all attention on my younger sister. For me, I never liked the idea of two in diapers, on bottles etc.

Answer 9

While I don't have that spacing, I'm pregnant with my first. I thought I'd give you our thoughts on it.

It really depends on whether you want your kids to be closer as friends etc. The closer in age they are the more likely they'll be doing the same things at the same time. The farther apart they are the more likely they'll be in completely different activities and schools even.

It really comes down to your preference for that kind of thing. I'm 4 years older then my brother and we were never close. We only went to the same school when he was in kindy and first grade. After that I was too old to be interested in anything he was doing.

Answer 10

I think this is a completely personal question. Only your family can decide what's right for your family. However I do think there are upsides to any spacing plan. My cousins, my sister and I all are in 2.5 year stairs steps and we've always gotten along great and been able to relate really well to one another. My Hubby is 10 years older than his sister (technically halfsister but he doesn't make the distinction) and was integral in caring for her as a baby and helping to raise her. He now helps her with her homework whenever she needs it and they have never fought. No matter how you space them they'll love eachother since they're siblings and you'll love them because they're your children.