Message for MrT?

Question

Regarding my last post about my mother in law. I think you have misunderstood me. I DO NOT swear in front of my kids , the question was do I tell my kids that she does not get them birthday presents. I buy them so they won't get upset with her. Next time read it properly before replying.

Libra..... I don't expect all family members to buy for them at all,and I had a good upbringing. I was only buying on her behalf so they would not be upset. I done this NOT to upset them. Obviously I was wrong in doing this but my intentions were good.

Answer 1

The silly ans your getting are probably from "children themselves"

I have had a simular problem when my children were younger. Although i didnt buy the presents. What they got were truly dreadful.
I know you just wanted to protect your children but really you shouldnt have started this, your understand that statement further on.
Do you let your mother in law share the joy of these presents? If you do in future dont give them presents without her being there and begin to cut the presents down only small gifts.

The reason i tell you this is because when they get older they will be hurt more by you buying the gifts.
Children have an amazing insight to adults they either like them or they dont without anyone saying a word.

I have in laws that still do not accept me as a daughter in law after 22 years of marriage. I have NEVER EVER let my children know that we do not get along. My mother gave me very good advice a long time ago which was children will make up their own minds.
Unfortunetly this is very true my children are now 21, 19, 16, 15. They love their grandparents but they do not have a loving relationship with them. They saw through them themselves.

Im sorry i am not explaining this well.
Your children will see through your mother in law and then be hurt because YOU lied to them.
In my experience be honest and as truthful as you can be because it will hurt your kids.
I know how you feel and its sad but you cannot froce a relationship between them. She will end up hurting them another way. Let your children find out for themselves they will see it anyway, you will be shocked at just how much children see and hear. People tend to forget that children are little people they see and hear and are very intuitive when it comes to other people.

Answer 2

Next time be clear in your question.

Why would you tell your kids that someone does not get them birthday presents? The whole situation was caused by yourself by buying presents on someone elses behalf in the first place. You have made them come to expect presents from this person.

You have instilled in your children that every family member ought to get them presents and this is not true. I think this 'expectation' of presents from family members is more damaging than swearing in front of them. At least with swearing it is common place that it should not be done. But instilling in your children that a family member is bad not to buy presents for them... well thats far worse.

Are you a person who expects things from people all the time. were you dissapointed as a child because you did not get presents from family members. You should have learnt from it. You have created one big mess! and importantly... GROW UP!! someone misuderstood your question... examine your question to see how YOU could have been clearer... don't just have a go at someone... get a GRIP!

Answer 3

My answer to your last question was ' tell them the truth ' as they will find out, as they get older

Answer 4

i hate my mother in law
and yes some people do not read questions properly
its so annoying
Mr t make sure you wear bifocals next time

Answer 5

LET your kids know the truth and stop bothering about others....let them think what they thinking abt u......

Answer 6

u have a serious anger management problem
get a life and sort yourself out

Answer 7

i agree with rachel d
u have a problem