so heres the deal my name isn't bill its amber i'm on my fiance's s/n and i just found out he's been on match. com and yahoo personals and craigs list personals lookin for a sexy and freaky girl. I am freshly 20 yrs old and i have planned my life around this man....i know he's cheated on me before while i was pregnant and i just recently had his 1 month old little boy. i quit school to have a baby and plan our wedding and now i feel like i have ruined my life...i feel disrespected and used and somehow i still want to forgive him..whats wrong wit me? i love him why can't he just want to be with JUST ME...do you think he does it for attention or because i forgave him for cheating that now he thinks he can get away with it? also..when i ask him about the personals and talking to other women on the internet he laughs and says he just likes to mess with their heads...i want to believe its all a big joke but i'm not laughin i don't know what to do with him any more. i want a real mans opinon
2006-12-01 11:52:43 · 16 answers · asked by bigbill 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your primary responsibility is to your little boy. Since you are not married you have no obligation toward your fiancee. You made a mistake planning your life around this guy. You should have never done that because you should never assume anything since people change and so do situations. First you have not ruined your life but you have definitely made a major alteration in it. I'm not going to tell you things you already know. I'm not going to say anything to make you feel worse than you already do. What I am going to say to you is the truth and it is this. Your fiancee obviously does not love you anymore. He is looking for excitement and other women and clearly doesn't want to be tied down to any one woman. To continually forgive him is to give him what he wants....your acceptance of the fact that he can play around on you. What kind of a marriage would you have even if you could marry him? Another thing....he is not taking any responsibility for the child. You must do what is best for your little boy now.Forget your fiancee and let him go his own way and concentrate on your little boy. He needs you now more than ever. Love him with all your heart and put him first in your life. I know it will not be easy but you must otherwise for the little boy's sake put him up for adoption. If you choose to keep your son insure you provide for him and take care of him. Get a job and if your parents can keep your son or some other family member can keep him while you work do that. Otherwise find a good nursery and put him there while you work. I am truly sorry you are in this kind of situation and I know it will be difficult but you must accept your circumstances and make the best of it. If I can help in any way let me know......honestly.
2006-12-01 12:08:50 · answer #1 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetie I am a woman not a man but I still have a answer for you. It is never too late to make things better in your life although we all have made mistakes and wish we could go back the fact remains that will never happen but you have to always keep yourself strong no matter what comes your way especially since you have children now, which means you now live your life for them meaning if that is the type of rolemodel that your man is then you need to replace him asap, I will not say that no one changes and I fell that everyone can change it's just that one has to want to change and will only change for themselves never for someone else. As a woman you should set limits and no matter what you have to stick by them or you allow yourself to ran over and once it startes it is the hardest pattern to change. So what if you have children by this man that doesn't mean he is the one for you, I have 3 children and a husband that did't father either one but he is great and there is someone for everyone. Just please don't let your heart ruin your life because you are still young and need to stop putting yourself down saying that you have ruined your life, because your life is just beginning and it is what you make of it. (stay in prayer)
2006-12-01 12:07:01 · answer #2 · answered by v_d_shields 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
I know I'm not a guy but as a girl I thought you needed some supportive advice...It doesn't sound like your guy wants to do what is right by you and your little boy...Unfortunately that's going to be a big problem for you guys as a family...and it will be in your face as long as you keep him around...if he loved you he wouldn't be chatting up and leading on women online...just the fact that you know should have embarassed him...apparently not...he's flaunting that in your face as well...he just messing with their heads...yeah right...I can tell by your question that you are smart and seeing things the way they really are...you have not ruined your life...in fact you now have a little bubbling personality waiting to grow up right beside you....he will be there for the rest of your life...unfortunately it doesn't sound like Bill will be...you can keep him around and hope it will get better or you can move on and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve...I know things will be hard but depend on family and friends...your little boy needs you the most...he his helpless without you...I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-01 12:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by Shelley D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going to tell you not to worry too much about the online stuff until I read that he cheated on you while you were pregnant. Sounds to me like your man needs to grow up and fast because whether he likes it or not, he's started a family and needs to think about putting his family before his own personal pursuits. Hopefully he sees it sooner, rather than later or he'll wind up very lonely in the end. I do hope things work out for you, but it sounds like your man has a ways to go yet. The hurt he's causing now is going to bite him in the end because its possible that it'll be another man (one more caring and mature) that'll be raising his child. The only advice I can give is to either seek counselling with him, or cut loose and walk away.
2006-12-01 12:02:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would HE feel if it were YOU online chatting with other guys and "messing with their heads"??? It seems to me a young father, about to be married, hopefully working, hopefully going for a decent education...would be too busy to be playing immature games. You know he cheated before...and now he is doing this. You would be foolish to marry him knowing what you do. If you really want to try...delay the marriage, go back to school, graduate then go for some type of advanced education or vocation...then marry him in a year. If it doesn't work out, at least you can get a job and support yourself
2006-12-01 11:59:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a lot of crap to have to put with and you are a lot more forgiving than i would have ever been. you life is not ruined. i know many people who have had the same thing happen to them got through it and now have a wonderful life. but here is what i would do, stop letting him control you life. meaning if can do this, again, and get away with it he will think he can do what he wants and it will only get worse. if you not married now there won't be as many complications when you leave him. be strong. i know this sucks but standing up for yourself now will make you a stronger person for your son to look up to. good luck
2006-12-01 12:00:18 · answer #6 · answered by GoatFingers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey - first of all, why did you have his baby if he cheated on you before??? You kind of put yourself in that position. Now, the plan is dump his a** and move on. You have not ruined your life. Having kids doesn't keep a man and you can do it. Get together with your friends for support. Your life is just beginning, think about your kid. **** Luck!!!
2006-12-01 11:57:13 · answer #7 · answered by Vanity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this man can not get real with you then move on cause bigger problems may arise later on. He tells you that he is joking with the women but who knows?
2006-12-01 11:59:20 · answer #8 · answered by JoJoBa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone seems to give the same answer .... now you have to seriously think about what your answerers are saying. You'r still v young, move on - plenty of the better life ahead of you !
2006-12-01 12:00:27 · answer #9 · answered by PikC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm, why are wasting time on here? get your life together-you are 20! get with the real world and stop dreaming about this guy changing because PEOPLE CAN'T CHANGE..ONLY YOU CAN.
2006-12-01 11:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by sugardaddysgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋