My mother in law is a b***h.?

Question

Every time it's my kids birthdays she never gives them anything. I have to go and get them something and make out that she has bought it, not for her benefit but for theirs(even though it does benefit her). She works in Asda so she could get them something even if it is a piece of clothing or something. I don't expect everyone to buy them things but you would have thought that a grandparent would. My partner accepts it and says that's what she's like. I can't let my kids think that Nan won't get them anything for their birthdays as they will get upset, they are only 6 and 3.
Should I carry on buying for her or should I let them find out for themselves what a tight old b***h she is?

Mr T. Read again will you. I do not use bad language in front of my kids. You have misunderstood.

Answer 1

Don't cover for her. If her own kid won't do it, that should tell you something about how your MIL works. Just tell your kids it's not the gift that counts -- that Nan must have forgotten. Don't let your kids make a big deal about (even though you are obviously annoyed). Of course, tell your kids gifts aren't what count and stick with that story. Tell them that good, decent behavior does but don't point out that your MIL lacks it. Your kids will figure it out in time.

Don't get too stressed out about it. I know you're annoyed but it's not your job to make her look good. She should know better. If you stop enabling her to be lazy or cheap or whatever she may stop. If she doesn't, the kids will know what kind of person she is. That may be helpful so they don't take their cues from her.

If she confronts you about not covering for her, play dumb and forgetful. Don't make this a confrontation.

Answer 2

I would stop buying them presents. Its being dishonest, however you may feel you are protecting her, there is no point in doing this for the childrens benefit. Why would she buy a gift, you're doing it for her!

Let Nan explain why they do not have a gift from her. It is not up to you. Perhaps Nan doesnt have a lot of money right now, but she comes to visit with lots of love and kisses and plays with them all day, or bakes them a cake or whatever.

She will learn very quickly what her place is with these small children, and I understand how you feel that you dont want them upset. But its wrong, as now after all this time of you doing it, you look just as bad when you stop... and when they find out you have been covering.

Answer 3

She sounds a right old bag! Does she get them a card?
Next party dont cover up for her, let her turn up empty handed and explain herself. I doubt she will tell them that she did not buy anything, probally that she forgot the gift. This should ensure she does buy future pressents.
If she does mention about you buying past presents, say that you forgot but why should continue to do so! She is there grandmother anyway. Explain that it s her responsibility and that if she does not want to buy anything then thats upto her. Let people see her for what she really is.
I doubt your children will be too upset or for long, they will be pre-occupied with the party and playing with other gifts.
If you feel you must buy something on her behalf next birthday, buy them the book hansell and gretal and tell them grandma is the witch!
Oh Mr T I think you are reading to much into the question, what an imagination you have! lol

Answer 4

She does not sound like a very caring person I agree there. But I don't agree that you should be buying the kids presents and letting them think they are from her. This way your mother in law continues to get away with being the uncaring person she is. She is basically having her cake and eating too.

I know you don't want your kids to know their grandmother does not care about them, but I think they do need to find out what she is truly like. If they ask you why grandma did not give them anything, you need to be honest with them and tell them that she doesn't buy things anymore. This is a tough one I know. The kids will deal with it in their own way.

I can relate to your story as I had a similar type mother in law, my kids were very aware of how she basically ignored them and spoilt the heck out of my husbands sisters kids. If it makes you feel any better it did not really affect my kids very much. They just took her for what she was.

Answer 5

Sorry you feel your children might notice that their gran didn't buy them a gift (I'd never have given it a thought at their ages). Why do you make such a big fuss about it?? How wrong of you to EXPECT their gran to buy them something. (like many others on here seem to).What greed. Maybe she's just one of those grans that can't afford it - or maybe she's putting the money away for them for when they are older. We sometimes see things that aren't there and make judgements only to find how wrong we were. Remember 'Foot Prints in The Sand' where the guy, at his most needy, only saw his own prints? That's when the lord was carrying him. So you never know, she just MIGHT have a plan in place.

Answer 6

First is it a case of she can not afford presents? or is she just mean?i have 3 grandchildren i love them and my daughter in law but i cant afford a lot so i always buy them something even if its not expensive i would say to you don't buy presents for her they are getting older let them start telling there nan its there birthday soon and see how she reacts to them don't put words in there mouth as the saying goes( out of the mouths of babes) just sit back and say nothing yourself then you can not be wrong.I took my mother in laws baby away 32 years ago she has just come to terms with it.Yes i used to call her names it wont get you anywhere,just make sure your not the same when your kids grow up .love to you chin up.

Answer 7

I can't believe that a grandmother, does not care about their grandson's birthday, or even acknowledge their Birthdays. I have fourteen grand kids and I treat each and everyone of them equal, I would feel bad when their birthdays come along and I cannot buy them something for them, sometimes it does happen but, I always apologize to them and promise that as soon as I can I will buy them something, and I always do it. Your children deserve a grandmother that cares for them and give them unconditional love because kids do not understand that their grandmother does not care about them. I think that you should tell your kids that you are the one that buys them their gifts, but you did it because you loved them, but make them realize that they have a grandma, that does not believe in spending money on gifts. Your wife should have a long talk with her mom, to make her realize that what she is doing to her kids is wrong, because she is doing it to her too since she is her daughter.

Answer 8

I have 17 grandchildren 14 of which live overseas and I don't get them anything for their birthdays either, but do send a card and give them Xmas presents, Often the postage would cost more than the actual gift. Does this make me a b***h as well?

Answer 9

omg ive been where you are hun and my kids are now 17 and 18 i did it 12 years i covered up for my ***** of a mother in law and at christmas times she only brought them second hand stuff. when they were old enough to understand i didnt buy them anything and i told them the truth as their dad was a mommys boy and he stuck up for the spiteful cow. my kids now are confused as we are split up and not sure whether im telling a lie or just putting her down as they said it used to have nan and grandad on the present,i have explained that i used to do it so they could get more presents and that it didnt look like their grandparents didnt love them. i now know that its the biggest mistake i have done in my life as now my kids dont know if its just me that want them to fall out with the wicked witch of the west or im telling the truth.
i know yours are only 6 and 3 but please take my advice it wont work and it will just confuse them.dont say anything and when thier birthdays come and they ask where nan's present is just act as though there should be one and tell them they will have to ask thier nan when they see her, and then see what she says to the kids. you buying the presents look as though you are sticking up for her and DONT do it for her.

good luck hun hugs for you and your family hope you get it sorted

Answer 10

You're making a BIG mistake here. Those kids deserve to know the TRUTH about the grandparent and here you are lying to them.

This is not good, your tampering with their perception. At least you ask, however, if you should let them find out for themselves what she's like, and the answer is YES!