How can you stop grieving?

Question

I lost my Grandmother 3 and a half years ago and I still miss her so much. Sometimes I still cry for her when I'm alone and talk to her in the car when I'm alone. Sometimes I talk about her in front of my mother or other relatives. I talk to my mother about the old pieces of furniture my grandma used to collect and my mother will make comments that hurt my feelings....such as, "You need to get over your Grandma's things." It's like she is telling me to get over my Grandmother. I wonder if my mother feels hurt when I bring up my Grandma in a conversation. I feel like I don't talk about her a lot but I have to a little because I want to keep her memory alive and fresh on my brain. I don't like being told to get over her or what she was like, or the things she had in her house. I could take it to an unhealthy level and constantly wear her old sweater that she gave me right before she died, but I won't. I wan't to keep it in plastic and keep it's smell.

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. Losing a loved one is very hard, I don't think the grieving ever will go away. It may seems like it gets better, but I feel the hurt will be there for a long time. I just lost my father recently (3 month ago) I don't think there's much time, that I don't think of him, or something we have done together. My father and I were real close, and he was involved with most of what I do. To help ease what you are feeling, try this, it kinda helps me. Whatever I am doing, and I start thinking of him, I try to think of him as a quiet partner, and try to convince myself, this is what, or how he would be helping me do the chore I'm doing......ps... I like big game hunting, and this is the first year hunting without him. I forced myself to go out hunting(he would want me to do the same). My brother that usually goes with us, as said "No I don't want to go hunting, its not right to be out there without dad". So keep her thoughts with you, It won't hurt you.

Answer 2

aww...I'm soo sorry for your loss. Having just lost my mom and my sister in the past few years I know how that can hurt. Obviously you were very close to your grandma, and that's a wonderful thing. Because of that you have lots of good memories and so it takes longer to get over losing her. For anyone to tell you to just get over it is crazy. If it helps you to think about her or talk to her in your car or whatever, do it. That's your way of healing. Eventually you'll be able to think about her without so much pain, but for now embrace your thoughts about her. Everyone is different and some people take longer to heal then others. Also learning to deal with loss, is easier as you get older, because you've experienced it more often. Don't worry about "getting over it" because that makes you dwell on it even more, just live your life, embrace your grandmas memories and eventually it won't hurt so much.

If you need to talk about your grandma or tell somoeone about her, try bringing up a blank email and writting all the good stuff about her, write about the good times you had together as if you were telling it to a friend...then when you're done, hit the back button. That will get rid of what you wrote, but you'll have had the satisfaction of sitting and thinking about your granny, and remembering her without anyone critizing you....My heart goes out to you.....good luck.

Answer 3

Grief is different for everyone. And it may be that talking about your grandmother to your mother is just to painful, you should ask her. And it is more than fine to remember and discuss the good times, the most difficult part of life is death. The loss of someone we love. We will never able to make another memory with that person. It is difficult, however, keep in mind all of the good times the two of you shared. In time you will be able to deal with the loss a little better. With every passing day, the feelings of loss will lessen as you become more and more comforted with your memories. you may want to consider some grief counseling if you feel overwhelmed with these feelings. Thank God, for the good times. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with that. I lost my grandmother on December 27 2004. She died of phase 4 brest cancer. I still talk about her and i talk to her when im alone. And i also keep the things that she had. Just to make me feel like shes still alive. I miss her everyday. So get over her death.. but dont get over her life. Keep thinking about her. You will see her again one day.

Answer 5

It's understandable that you are still sad, but what I think your mother is saying is that given the amount of time since Grandmom has passed, maybe you are grieving a bit hard. Have you considered talking to a grief counselor? It might help. Then when you think about her, you will be thinking happy thoughts instead of wanting to cry. You will be able to feel joy when you think of the wonderful person she was and what a terrific difference she made in your life. I'm sure Grandmom wouldn't want you to be sad over her passing, but glad at having been her grandchild!

Answer 6

You are not wrong - but neither is your mother. Everyone grieves in a different personal way. I am like you -- I like to remember, talk about the person who is gone, look at pictures, go through their clothes, listen to their voice and even watch them on recordings. You will always miss your grandmother -- always. The holidays are particularly hard on people who have lost loved ones -- don't worry about being sad - it is normal. Your mother probably thinks about your grandmother as much as you do, but she doesn't express it. That's okay too. You don't have to forget your grandmother to "get over" her death. You just have to accept that she is gone and go on living your life in the way she would want you to. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 7

I know how you feel. I lost my grandmother about three years ago and have had a very hard time dealing with it. I would try to talk to someone if you feel you are having a hard time moving on. Counselors can really help you and give you steps to make things easier. I have only seen my counselor one time but she said that my grandmother's death has really effected other areas of my life. I really didn't see that at all. So talk to someone about it and they can help you with whatever it is that you need. Good luck and I am very sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

A Wise Person told me once,

You Never Get Over It!

You Just Learn How To Deal With It!

I am so sorry about you loss

Answer 9

i know exaclty how you feel because i am going through the same thing. in a few months time i lost my 8 yr old sister to a drunk driver, my pa died who was my hero, and my aunt died in a fire and my grandma died a couple of days before x mas. and i still think of them all the time except when i talk about them my family just joins in and talks about them with me. i think you need to find someone who loved her like you did and just sit and talk with them...it helps. i think it is good that you keep her memory alive. just because people cant see her does not mean she is not there.

Answer 10

Sometimes the grieving process takes as Long as it takes...i lost my mother last year, and i have those days where i shrink in pain and cry, because i miss her terribly. you carry that love and keep their memories alive, and there's nothing wrong with holding on to the things they gave don't let anyone rush your grieving process we all grieve differently you should be allowed to it's your right it's good you are not hiding your grief...it is then the grief would tear you apart....God Bless, and peace to you.