last night i caught my seven year old in the bathroom trying to light one of my cigarettes. after i ripped into him i sent him to his room. i kept hearing him cry and i went in there and asked what was wrong , he said, "i just wanted to be like you dad". OMG, i left the room and went to the garage and bawled like a baby. now i know crying is not a manly thing to do, but when your son says he wants to be like his dad it will bring any grown man to his knees. how should i feel.
2006-12-01 11:02:24 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Hell no you are not a loser. man being a parent is hard work. We don't always know the answer to everything, these kids were not born with instructions, we are human and we make mistakes.. we just have to let them know that we love them.. smoking is bad and just cause I do it dosent mean that I want you to do it. Maybe this is a good time to quit . I am trying too , my son said
he didn't want me to die, so I am trying I am down to one cig every other day. I don't want to die either. But anyways u are not a loser, you are just human .. and it is OK to cry, even if you are a man, that just makes you an even better man. You have true feelings and you love your kids! Good luck!
2006-12-01 11:23:04 · answer #1 · answered by michelle b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The good news: your child looks to you as someone to emulate.
The bad news: you're not being a good role model.
Sit down with your son and tell him you're pleased and proud that he wants to be like you, and you hope he always follows in your footsteps for most things. However, making the decision to start smoking was a bad decision, and now you're physically dependent on cigarettes and haven't been able to stop. If you had to do it again, you never would have smoked, and you'd be happier and healthier -- and that's why you got mad when you caught him doing it, because you know what kind of trouble he was getting into.
Then, enlist his help in kicking the habit. Have him come up with ideas for quitting. Have him remind you if you light up, and don't get angry or ignore him when he does. In short, take a big step towards being the kind of person he should be emulating.
Good luck!
2006-12-01 19:15:15 · answer #2 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you are not a loser! I know it must have been horrible thing to see, but think about it...he wanted to be just like you! You should be proud that he wants to be just like you and not some guy on tv! The only problem is...you smoke. Maybe its time to quit?? I know that's a hard thing to do, my husband is trying to now. One thing that helps him (to quit / cut down on smoking) is that he does not smoke in the house. Try this??? Also, I know that once you have yelled at a kid the hurt might stay a few days....tell him about smoking (that its wrong for a child) If you do decide to quit smoking...get your son involved. Tell him that you would like to quit and maybe the two of you could look some things up on the Internet??? There is power in learning...what he learns now may stay with him, which might help him later. Next up..he will want to shave just like you (like in the commercials) They grow up too fast hun??? Good-Luck to you!
2006-12-01 19:18:26 · answer #3 · answered by jazseven1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all crying is not exclusive to females, you are human and do have feelings, which is a GOOD thing. Now that you have seen what smoking can do, this is your opportunity and the greatest reason of all to quit. Apologize to your little one, explain to him why you were so angry and that you want him to stay healthy. Then think of how proud and happy you and he will be when you are smoke free! It is hard to quit, I know, but you can do it! 21 years ago I was a smoker and then found out I was pregnant, I quit immediately and was rewarded with a healthy son! Good luck!
2006-12-01 19:19:30 · answer #4 · answered by alessa_sunderland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well after being in this same situation... only as a mom... I can honestly say I know how you feel. It sucks. I would just explain to him that it isn't good for him and that you would like to quit. If he says anything about it... see if he would like to help you quit. Or don't smoke when you are home. I think the only thing you did wrong was to yell at him. He just wants to be like his dad. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Remember.... we teach our kids even when we don't mean to. Good luck. Your not a loser. Just a man put in a sad situation.
2006-12-01 19:08:37 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Always Right 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats exactly how you should feel.... I felt the same way when my daughter did that to me. Been smoke free for 2 years now. You can do it... just dont forget how you feel right now and it will help you to quit. It wasnt easy but I knew I had to not only for my health but so that I can be a good role model for my daughter. It felt horrible when she would tell me smoking is bad for you...my teacher says it can kill you - why are you killing yourself? I knew the only choice I had was to quit. Good Luck and Take Care.
PS: If you make the decision to quit then you need to talk to your son and tell him why you are quitting and ask him for his help (think of something simple that he can do) Also, the fact that you cried showed just how good a father you truly are. If you were a loser, it wouldnt have bothered you a bit.
2006-12-01 19:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No you are not a loser! If it were me, I would go back and tell my son that smoking is bad for you and that I havent set a good example and admit to him that I learned a lesson here too.
Instead of letting him see you smoke, let him see you pray. He will start mimicking this behavior as well.
If you catch him smoking again then there should be consequences
2006-12-02 00:46:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe that was God's way of telling you, you need to clean up in some areas. especially since you are raising a son. you're not a loser. sometimes ppl cant help their habits, but now you have to fix it. clean up the mess in your life and you will be the perfect example for your son.
love jen
ps. its okay to cry. honey you can cry on me if you'd like :0)
2006-12-01 20:18:23 · answer #8 · answered by Jennie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well hun...you learnt a lesson there..
you take that feeling of what your boy said..and use it to help you quit smoking.He doesn't understand the affects smoking has..you do He was trying to be a big boy and act like his hero..you..Now..be a bigger hero..go apologize to him...old him tight and .tell him smoking is horrible habit..and you are going to do your best to stop smoking.
BTW..your not a loser for crying..if anything it is so special to see a dad cry for his own son.
Children do as they see...good or bad.
2006-12-01 20:46:50 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a loser, not one little bit, you're human and obviously a committed Parent. I wish my two children had a father that would cry over them and worry about them instead of using them as pawns in his sick games against me.
Dont be ashamed. I think it's wonderful. My kids have also bought me to tears by telling me that when they grow up they want to be like me...
2006-12-01 19:07:59 · answer #10 · answered by vinyl_mad 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋