I was having problems with my roommate last night and decided not to come home in order to avoid WWIII.
The only person whom i could stay with (because i had my dog others said no) was an exboyfriend of mine. We are still really good friends. No bad blood at all.
He had some friends in from out of town so the extra room and couches were taken up, people were even sleeping on the floor. So I had to sleep in his bed. He has a california king so I wasn't too worried about it.
I woke up at about 3:00 am this morning naked from the waist down with him inside of me from behind!!!!! He didn't hurt me or anything but when I told him to stop he kept on saying "it's ok, it's ok". It's NOT OK!
He wants to get back together with me and I am not totally opposed to the Idea but I told him that for now I just want to be friends and see what happens. No sex, not even kissing! I am just not ready to go there with him again.
I am 21 he is 24.
DID HE RAPE ME?
2006-12-01 11:00:58 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't really want to have him arrested. he did stop sfter i pushed him off of me. Do you think i should talk to him or go straight to the police?
2006-12-01 11:06:37 · update #1
I WASN'T DRUNK OR ON DRUGS!!! I REALLY AM JUST A HEAVY *** SLEEPER!!!
2006-12-01 11:25:40 · update #2
Yes you were definitely raped. He took advantage of you at a time you were unable to give or withhold consent.
2006-12-01 11:05:24 · answer #1 · answered by Kokopelli 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In a legal sense, yes he did, but you said you don't want him arrested. He probably thought that since you didn't wake up, you were okay with it. You should have talked him through what was okay and what wasn't *before* you got in bed with him, you created a very confusing situation where the definition of rape is very fluid.
There are two sides to rape: the one raped, and the one doing the raping. The one who is raped will have certain rites that are violated, the one doing the raping is seeking a feeling of power. Your rites were violated, but he wasn't seeking a feeling of power. (At least, from the sounds of things.) He may have honestly thought this is what you wanted until you woke up and told him you didn't.
In short, you created a sexually confusing situation, and then he interpreted it one way, that added to the confusion. So now you're both confused about what happened. In a legal sense, you didn't say yes, so it's rape. But I think you also need to realize what your part in this is. Also, don't expect your friendship to continue if you charge him with rape. He didn't mean it that way (from the sounds of things) and you don't want to create the same situation in the future.
But if you want to end the friendship, if you feel violated, you were. You are in your moral and legal rites to have him arrested and charged with rape. He could also use the lesson that he needs to get permission before he starts something like that.
2006-12-04 06:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, I'll take a stab at this one with the belief that because I'm like 40 answers down, you'll probably never read it. Here goes nothing: I was in a similar situation about two years back, there was a young lady who was having "problems" with her roommate and she wanted to stay at my place for the night. I actually had a couch and I slept on it. To be sure, I wasn't even the least bit attracted to her so I fell asleep and slept like a baby - had I had a sexual interest, I'd have probably been trying to get at her all night. I knew she liked me though because she had been flirting with me for some time and she had asked one of my relatives if I was interested. At any rate she ended up pulling my pants down in the middle of the night while I was sleeping like a baby. After pulling my sleeping pants and underwear down, she put my penis in her mouth and sucked it. After she finished, I slept like a bigger baby. Was that rape?
2006-12-03 11:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by dirtyhungrythirsty 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are asking questions like did he just rape me then clearly, dignifiedly, classily walk ::: the ::: freak ::: away.
He might think it is okay to cross serious boundaries like that.
Did you tell him it was okay to have sex with you? If you didn't then, yes you were raped. What a mind fuc@ to have someone play with your head, with your trust and with you PHYSICAL BODY!!!!!!!!
Last night may not have felt so bad at the time (unless you are worried about getting pregnant or worried about STD, in which case BEAT HIS ***) but, what in he future would this person do if they did not respect that simple boundary? And if you feel you were raped, yes... press charges.
Yes, make a deal out of it.
Yes, feel like a freak.
You will be happier later. I promise.
Furthermore, end this"friendship" if you hung out with this person in a continued manner... Would they take your money? Would the take your independance? Would they take your alliances away by separating you from your friends? There must be some reason why you are questioning this.
Trust yourself. I am sorry this happened to you. Take care of you.
2006-12-01 11:06:47 · answer #4 · answered by wickeywickey 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YES if you are unconcious at the time of innitiation than its cosidered rape cause you can not make a decision to do something when your asleep Tell the jerk to take a hike cause all hes intrested in his own self you will always be #2 and believe me it will only get worse keep him an ex
2006-12-01 11:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by Kara B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sure did... if you said no and he kept going then it's considered rape.. you should have gotten out of bed and gotten dressed and left regardless of the problems at your house... and as far as getting back together... if he can't respect your feelings and just assumes that because you are in his bed that he can do with you whatever he pleases then you don't need to be with him.
2006-12-01 11:05:35 · answer #6 · answered by Wiked 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I suggest not because I could see my self doing what your x did because obviously he wants you and you were in his bed the temptation was over whelming. You told him to stop and he did. It could have been a miss-under standing or wrong impression. Your friend ship should weather this out you never know when you would have to approach the mercy seat.
2006-12-02 23:41:02 · answer #7 · answered by doc 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you did not consent to it yes it is rape and from the story you are telling it does sound like he did it to you with out you knowing. I would inform the police about the incident.
2006-12-01 11:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes he did rape you , but you also said that you dont want him to go to jail. so the best thing for you to do is to not be friends with this person anymore and have nothing to do with him. because if he did it once it will happen again and it might not be so easy the next time. i might get mad and take what he wants.
2006-12-01 11:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by danielp1962 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes that is rape. When a guy takes advantage of you after you say no, it is considered rape. If you were drugged or asleep then it is still rape. If its aggressive where he forced himself roughly on you, it is considered AGGRAVATED sexual assault. Its all the same thing. Rape is rape. You should report him.
2006-12-01 11:06:14 · answer #10 · answered by Pinky 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋