My daughter is 17 and she used to look after herself so much i could never get in the bathroom. she met this lad who has really dragged her down.
she has no friends (he didnt want her to)
she has no job (cause he dont want her to)
she dont go out ( cause he dont want her to)
she is his slave (cause he wants her to)
we have caught him out loads of times with different thing girls numbers on his mobile he talks to girls on his msn on his phone. his phone bill is so high with all numbers. anyway i could go on but my daughter is head over heels in love with him ive told her about the violet relationship with her dad and she is headibg there because if she does not do what he wants then he threatens to leave her. ive told him and warned him but then he takes it out on my daughter. my sister has spoken to her and she has said she would pick him over me any time and she never used to be like this i really dont know what to do, we used to be so close until he come along helpppp.
2006-12-01 10:56:34 · 14 answers · asked by kjw 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When i was 17 i met and fell head over heels in 'love' (well at least i thought it was) with a guy who did exactly the same thing to me as this guy is doing to your daughter. He told me what to wear, how to have my hair, who i could talk to blah blah and if i didnt do as he said he used to verbally and mentally abuse me. I stayed in this relatonshp for 2 years until i went home one day with a great handprint across my face where he had hit me. My mum saw this and again i denied he had done anything. Overnight though he realised he had crossed the line and dumped me the very next day. I was devastated and it took me three years to get over it. My mum had welcomed him into our family as he pratically lived there the amount of time he spent there. I guess you need to TRY and accomodate him as best you can though if u have spoken to him and he takes it out on your daughter that is gonna be hard because she will resent you and see you as the problem. Try and back down a bit, she will learn and you MUST be there when this relationship finishes, cause she will have alot of questions and alot of hurt. Just keep telling her how much you love her and dont keep saying what a jerk her fella is, that will just drive her away. SHe is 17, at an age when she wants to be the mature adult but inside and emotionally is still very much a child. I wish you all the luck in the world and send you a big hug xxxx (from someone who has been there and is now happy with 2 beautiful children xx)
2006-12-01 11:07:38 · answer #1 · answered by bubblesbabe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is 17. If it wasn't this lad to drag her down it would be another lad.
I doubt that your daughther has stopped doing things because this lad doesn't want her to do it.
You have made your girl easy prey for lads likes these because i can tell that you controlled or had an input on every aspect of her life. Already I can see that you are too involved in her relationship. You refer to "we caught him out" "his phone bills are too high" "talks to girls on msn" "my sister has spoken to my daughter"... why don't you take a step back and let your daughter experience this lad for what he really is. She probably wants to rebel against you and you are giving her more reason to do it. The more you resent this boy the more she will want to be with him. I know she must share alot with you but when she does (if she does) just say "Mmmm, that's nice dear". - leave her to it.
In the teenage years, the mother daughter relationship becomes strained... this period fizzles out and the relationship is rebuilt slowly later.
2006-12-01 16:04:46 · answer #2 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no mistakes in life, there are only opportunities to learn, or so my therapist says.
It is sad to say, daughters tend to make similar poor choices to those of their mother's youth. My mom wanted to protect me from all her mistakes (or at least the major ones) but it seems I keep going through all of them, plus some more. I think it is because mothers bring them up in way simiral to their own, because this is the best they know and they don't know any other way. Just be there for her, this is the best you can do. When I was 17 I was falling for the stupidest most irresponsible guys that I could possibly find. My mom was protesting and trying to do something about it. Well, she even threw some of them out of the house, she made me stop dating them, she kept convincing me to leave them. In the end of the road, I haven't learn back then how to tell a jerk from a good man. Well, I'm learnign it now, in my 30s. That bites.
Look on a bright side - he already theatens to dump her. It will happen. After some tears, your daughter will build a new better life for herself.
2006-12-01 11:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really know how you feel, and i wish that there is some easy answer that i can give, i am in the same sort of position as you, i have tried for nearly 2 years to get my 16 year old of a ugly relationship, with this guy who treats her about the same as your girls bf. In the last month i have picked all her belongings up of the grass, after they have been thrown out of 2 story building, most was broken and clothes were burnt and had baby oil tipped on them, bruises on her arms and face..........2 days later she is back with him.........she has no money also and wont let her go to work.........she comes around here hungry, i get so mad , have talked to her until i am black and blue in the face, she also does not take care of her self no more, no make-up and she is a very pretty girl, 16 and she looks 25, it breaks my heart, there is nothing you and i can do, only be there to pick up the pieces and hope like hell that one day they will come to there senses, leave these horrible guys and come home..........These guys seem to have some power over these girls of ours, i wish i knew what it was.......i have asked and just get told she loves him, as it sounds like your daughter does........so all i can say to you is hang in there, just let her know that you are there, and love her, and pray that no harm will come to her, good luck and god bless.
2006-12-01 11:08:30 · answer #4 · answered by donua1022 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show the guy love, for your first question, because that might soften him up a bit of your daughter and then if this is some sort of rebelling thing (I don't think it is) then she'll stop seeing him. Also, I guess this is her first love which is always the most important and people stick at their first loves like no other so she needs some strong persuasion. Maybe if she understood real love, like you should just talk with her, really open up and tell her about her father and the guy he appeared to be, and about you're own love life.
You are her mother, so you know what to do and what to say. Good luck.
2006-12-01 13:08:18 · answer #5 · answered by floppity 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You poor love, i have been through this, and, god, it was hard!!! She will come back to you, i promise, but do NOT make the mistakes i made!!!
1, leave her to it, i know it is hard!!!!
2, do NOT insult him to her, she will get mad at you!!! (although you KNOW he is a shi it)
3, Just keep a close, but discreet eye on the situation, watch the bastard!!
4, Bide your time, give her space, let her learn the hard way!! VERY difficult i know, but you have to be cruel to be kind!!!
She will learn!! I promise!! I went through this, with my daughter, she is 19 yrs now, my best friend, she got hurt, by him, but she now cannot stand the sight of him!!! It will pass, i promise, just keep an eye on things, from afar, and GOOD LUCK!!! i know where you are right now, it is not a nice place! XXXXXXXX
2006-12-01 11:26:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really serious. A lot of times when a girl gets into a relationship like this, she doesn't even know the danger she's putting herself in. You need to take her to see a therapist, as soon as possible!
2006-12-01 11:15:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do. She will see sense in the end and the first person she will come to will be you. If you go on at her about him all the time she might resent you for it, so I would let her make her mistakes and be there for her when it all goes wrong.
2006-12-01 11:03:17 · answer #8 · answered by evs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's a control freak...get rid and get your daughter back...what gives him the rights to control your daughter, he does not OWN her he has issues...maybe he's been neglected in his life so he's making your poor daughter suffer his consequences, that's not right, he needs to see someone before he does some more harm....sorry but this lad has serious problems...get your daughter away from this low life before he really wrecks her life....have a male member of your family to deal with him...see how hard he is then eh?....the little bog rat...take your daughter away from this situation..she does not deserve it....this lad needs a shrink....so do his parents for making him this way...what a waste...remove her from this person....she deserves better
2006-12-01 16:43:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well in this case sadly you have to leave her live and learn .just be there for her when it all falls down.dont pressure her it will make her want him even more.just subtly talk to her and tel he youll always be there for her.maybe shed be less rebelious if she sees you being more easy going.life is a rich tapestry ,and unfortunately its a case of you live and learn give her the chance .however hard it may be for you .xxx
2006-12-01 11:09:48 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋