For example, Aunt's and Uncle's who I haven't spoken to in as many years as I can remember. It's not that I have anything against them, just that I don't know them.
2006-12-01 10:53:24 · 22 answers · asked by smolocco 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am in the same situation and this is what I have done.
My fiance and my mom supports me on this decision. Even the family who we are not giving invitation, some of them support me once they heard the reason.
The invite and announcements are different as the invite as a lot more detail information for trip use than just the announcement. We also want to limit the spread of it to family we both disowned for valid issues=bad people to be very simple in explaining.
My side of the family: Those who I have not disowned will be sent an announcement. Those who are able to afford and said they will go, will get an invite (as we having destinational: Hawaii wedding that requires a year in advance for booking group etc). Those who say they won't go, who know about it that originally were were going to invite, will get an announcement.
On his side of the family: Don't speak to some of them, mainly on his dad side (who passed away while he was in Iraq last year) will not know unless hear it down the grape vine.
If they do not have contact now, why should this bring contact? It is almost the saying that I believe is true about funerals. "Why see me dead when didn't want to see me alive?" type of thing.
If those family member's ask, pretty much we have bluntly, but honestly stated that we have sent invites to those who are going and announcements to those who can't, plus reception when we get home to satisfy those who get announcements (to ease the upsetness).
I have a few people asking me if they are invited. It is so hard to find a way to tell them that they are not. Don't want to hurt their feelings. I do understand that 100%. However, some times things permit to be honest. For my issue, I am able to use the trip as reason why they are not. (as most likely they won't pay for their plane ticket as I can't afford that. I can help set up discounts and places to make it cheaper is best I can do).
As my mom told me about me feeling bad at first on not inviting some parts of the family. It isn't just me not speaking to them, it is them not speaking to me. Goes both way of communication and that I shouldn't feel bad if they get upset with an issue that was also caused by them as well. If they really wanted to go and interested, they would of help stay in contact and even be apart of the wedding.
I just tell them that it is a close intimate wedding.
2006-12-01 21:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you actually have to tell them?
If so, tell them it's a small wedding and only limited sitting.
or
Invite them to the wedding and not the reception. People do it all the time. Send them an email and say, no hard feeling but I don't know you well enough anymore but you are welcome to see us get married at the church or where ever you are getting married. Just be honest with them. If they can't accept honesty, then it's not like you are going to see them a lot or at all.
Remember it's "YOUR WEDDING" invite who you want. It's not suppose to be a stress full day.
Also the best man and bridesmaid is suppose to help you with this kind of thing. Ask them for some advise on this matter.
Good-luck and CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding day!
2006-12-01 11:09:54 · answer #2 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know them or haven't spoken to them then I don't believe you have to invite them. If they have never made an effort throughout your life as an adult to be a part of your life then you shouldn't invite them. Why spend the extra money on someone you don't know. Just don't send them anything they don't nedd an expanation and if they say anythiong to another family member say well I haven;t spoken to thenm in over a decade so I didn't think there was a need to invite them. End of story
2006-12-01 12:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally, if they are family your are not close to and you don'tknow, there is no reason to tell them anything - making excuses will just make you look guilty. Instead, send out annoucement cards - annoucement cards are like invitations in wording, accept the announce the wedding instead of inviting someone to the wedding. They should be mailed out so they arrive within a 1-2 days after the wedding.
Mr & Mrs James Jones
are pleased to announce the union of their daughter
Samantha Jones
to
Jason Smith
son of Mr & Mrs David Smith
in a small ceremony on (DATE)
The New Mr & Mrs Smith want to thank you for your prayers and support as we start our new lives together.
2006-12-01 16:05:43 · answer #4 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either just send out an invite or if you don't talk to them at all, just don't advise them they are not getting an invite. If you haven't spoken to them in years, why woudl you contact them now to tell them they are NOT invited to the wedding??
2006-12-01 14:02:29 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The proper thing to do is invite them.
We all lose touch with family members from time to time but for something as important as weddings, funerals, reunions and such, it's always nice to be thought of.
They will probably not come but you might get a nice card or wedding gift and it will also let them know that you were thinking of them. They will appreciate that.
They might also surprise you and come to your wonderful wedding. Wouldn't that be nice as well to catch up.
2006-12-01 11:06:46 · answer #6 · answered by kitt_kattkitt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not in touch with these relatives, and have not been for years, at what future event do you think you will be seeing them, to have to tell them this?
There is no polite way to tell people "I am gettng married and you are not invited." People who will not be invited should not be told ANY details about something they are not invited to-- that would be quite rude.
2006-12-02 13:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't send them an invitation. You may considered sending them a wedding announcement after you are married though.
2006-12-05 07:06:49 · answer #8 · answered by Sara K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't invite them how will you get to know them. Family should always be the first people you invite, but that's just my opinion
2006-12-01 10:58:12 · answer #9 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
unless you are planning on sending them an invitation, then you do not need to let them know before the ceremony of your plans.
then, typically people send out announcements to those who were not invited to the ceremony.
if they ask about the invite, you just need to tell them something along the lines of, "We're sorry that you we aren't able to invite you, but we're trying to keep the ceremony as small as possible"
or whatever applies.
2006-12-03 15:26:10 · answer #10 · answered by Sam B. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋