****, i am so sick of being nice!!! To keep this brief, my mother is a basket case, abused me, my father let her, ok? I have had issues all my life with this crap. Anyway, she ran off with another man, a few months ago, my dad clung to me for help, i delivered!!! She came back, she caused trouble (cause thats what she does), my dad never spoke to me, or rang me, nothing!!! for 3 months, even though she was the ****, and i helped him out so much when she was away with her lover!! I was so hurt, but decided to live with it. Today, he has rang me 5 times, cause she has gone off again with her "lover" to Spain, dumped him, and now, he is turning to me again!! This is playing with my head, what should i do?
2006-12-01 10:40:15 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's tough isn't it. When does the child become the parent? The reality is, you are their child, which makes it their responsibilty to support and encourge you through life, not the other way around. I know it is tough, from personal experience - but my real advice is concentrate on your own life. Only they can sort there own lives out. It was what I decided to do a year ago and I my life improved sooo much. It may seem a little selfish at the start, but at the end of the day - your parents didn't have you just to use you as a tool to improve their life when things get bad.
2006-12-01 10:58:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel. From the abuse that you got from your mother and how he let it happen, up to the last time your mom ran off and he begged for your help and then you didn't even get a thank you. It doesn't sound like you're that close to him, so I don't think you really have to worry about hurting his feelings. You really need to tell him how you feel. Take him out for dinner or something and have a nice big sit down talk. Face to face would be best so he can't come up with excuses. Talk to him and you should feel better even though you may not get the response from him that you would like. You don't need to keep dragging yourself through this.
2006-12-01 10:50:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u need 2 be honest with ur father and tell him the truth. it really is not ur problem if he wants 2 be a doormat 2 ur mother but u do not deserve what they r doing 2 u.
if u are open and honest with him maybe u can get him 2 understand. if not just ignore his calls when she leaves him the next time.
parents r never perfect but parents like the 2 u have r selfish and abussive. just remember it has no reflect on u hun just because they r idiots does not make u a bad person. u r just the only thing they ever did right. not ur fault and u do not have 2 suffer 4 there stupidity.
good luck
2006-12-01 10:45:11 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although this is your family, and I can understand that you may feel an obligation to your Dad because he's your Father; sometimes you need to step back from a situation and say that you've done what you can. From what you said you've been there for your Dad on numerous occasions when it came to your Mom's infidelities, but if he keeps going back for more...what can you do, right? You may need to tell your Dad that you can't be there for him when it comes to this cause you don't want to have to see what he puts himself through when he chooses to take your Mom back after he knows that shes just cheated on him. You can also recommend to your Dad that he talk to a therapist cause he's obviously suffering from self-esteem problems and confidence issues as a result of the treatment your Mom gives him. He needs to build up his self respect again so that he can have the inner strength to tell your Mom off when she shows up again and trys to weasel her way back into his life.
2006-12-01 10:51:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can only try to help someone so much have u heard that sayin u can lead a horse to water but u cant make it drink i cant belive what people do for love there is just a point where u need 2 say no more this is it eather im in ur life or im not why do u wanna be around people that just bring u down u can find better friends that will turn into family u dont have 2 be blood to be family
2006-12-01 10:46:21 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had this exact situation with my dad - was a total nightmare allowed all sorts of horrendous things to happen to his children and then later in life expected us - me in particular to pick up all his pieces. Which I did to a point - it got to the stage that I had no life left and so I had to tell him to get himself sorted or I couldn't support him like this anymore - it did the tricky but he had to be low and suicidal enough for it to kick in. Have since managed to get a reasonable relationship - although it's not that deep at least I have a relationship with him and we all still push him to improve and get better as a dad - even though we are all over 30 now. It's a real nightmare but if you have a messed up family then try and have a relationship with the lesser of the messed up parts of it - you can in time get things to work a bit better and it does help and you can over time get some answers or at least a bit of concern which can help with old wounds.
2006-12-01 10:47:04 · answer #6 · answered by minotaur 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not like you have to stop being nice. You need to learn where to draw the line. From your question, I don't even understand how can you help your dad to get your mom back. It is their realtionship, they are the ones who are in any position to fix it. Explain it to your dad that you don't have the power to bring mom back, it is up to him. Explain that you were hurt by his innatention, don't carry it in your heart. Explain it to him that you love him and he is important to you (if that's the case). But some things like this Spain and lover case is just beyond your control and you can't do much about it. Tell him that if he wants to talk to you, you would like to discuss other matters.
2006-12-01 10:52:21 · answer #7 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you helped him all you could before and love him very much, and its all you could do. He is hurt. Let him know he hurt you by letting her come back then ignoreng you. Tell him you still love him and want to still help, but you can't handle it again. You are not putting conditions on your love or care for your dad, you need to put conditions on how much abuse you will allow YOUR heart and mind to take. And don't get mad at times he don't take YOUR advice. There is no textbook on how to understand love. Sometimes there is nothing anyone can tell us, we have to go through things and learn them ourselves. Good luck, I wish you both well.
2006-12-01 10:51:05 · answer #8 · answered by pofdog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough love.
Tell your dad that he needs to deal directly with your mom and to leave you OUT. You are not a ping-pong ball for battle between your parents. Your mom is selfish and immature and your dad is needy and weak. Their strong daughter needs to get on with her life, or she will never have her own life. Get away until the smoke clears; then see if there are any pieces left to pick up.
2006-12-01 10:47:16 · answer #9 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it out on them for a change and get some payback. Lay on the guilt trip and make them see what abunch of gits they've been. Let them know how you feel and stop being their punch bag. scream, shout, freak out and make it clear what you think of them. Let it all out and then tell them to f*ck right off.
They don't deserve you.
Then go off and be an angel and ignore their sorry asses.
2006-12-01 12:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by charlie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋