my bro is filing for divorce from his wife of 6yrs.He is leaving her for an old gf from college.We just found out(from his wife)he also cheated on her(wife) with a coworker a few yrs ago.We(his family) always knew she wore the pants in the family and could be very nasty to him at times but cheat on her 2x?I asked him if he was so unhappy why did he not leave her sooner and he said he made a commitment to god and her to make it work.We are a very religious family and look down on divorce but isn't cheating worce?He also has a 1yr old child with her that is his world and wanted his son to have a perfect family life so he tryed to make it work for his sons sake.i do know hes very upset over this and is in therapy for it he said he feels like he has failed his son.My question is do you men by this?Can a man be so in love with his child and values to do whats right that he stays in a relalationship that makes him want to commit suicide and make him have to cheat multible times on his wife
2006-12-01 10:38:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
sounds kinda messed up... maybe when you have made a commitment to God, you really feel like there is no way out. unfortunately i have known several guys that have done basically that exact same thing, don't know how to end the marriage so they end up cheating, and yes, they all had controlling bitchy wives. ladies need to step off once in a while...
2006-12-01 10:43:11 · answer #1 · answered by Stone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an example of how faith can poison reason ( I don't mean that to be as insulting as it sounds, but the point is made). Religion and faith are supposed to lift the believer's life and spirit up, and in this particular incident it held him down.
As far as his son is concerned, I'd like to point out that it is entirely possible for him to be raised to be a mentally, and emotionally person, regardless of whether or not Mom and Dad live under the same roof. Sometimes its better if they don't, unfortunately.
Honestly, if he hasn't felt any type of compassion from his wife, its entirely possible that this is why he cheated. Someone showed him (at least momentarily) something that he needed.
Rather than condemning his decision to divorce this woman (and it doesn't seem that you're doing this), encourage him in his choice. Be there with him thru what is going to be a very difficult time in his life, and offer him your support unconditionally. Depending on your particular faith, it may be possible to have the marriage annuled, instead of a divorce.
Remember one other thing...a lot of experts believe that monogamy is not neccessarily an inherent trait for humans. Furthermore, when the words "til death do us part" were written into the marriage ceremony, people were lucky to live into their 40s. It's much more difficult to make that sort of commitment when your living (potentially) another 30+ years.
I hope everything works out for your brother.
2006-12-01 11:01:35 · answer #2 · answered by Bill K Atheist Goodfella 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is responsible for their own choices that they make and the acts they do.
She is 100% responsible for the things she does and says.
He is 100% responsible for the things he does and says.
Sometimes other people do annoy us.
Choosing to divorce is a very difficult decision to make, and does have negative affects on others. God hates divorce, but permits it (because of the hardness of our hearts).
Too bad they didn't find out they didn't like each other before they married. It takes a lot of time to find that out, but it is worth spending alot of time before marriage.
Hope they spend more time next time around, if there is a next time.
2006-12-01 12:20:51 · answer #3 · answered by Jimmy Dean 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No that is BS. We choose our actions and he was free to do what he wanted. He chose to cheat not once but twice. It is convenient to blame it on her, but the reality is they both have responsibilty for what has happened. He cheated on her after only 3 years of marriage! He could just have easily chosen a different path.
2006-12-01 14:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by Therapist King 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the simple answer is yes. it takes two to make a relationship and two to make it. i stayed way to long in a loveless marriage because like your brother i had made my bed i laid in it. my kids where the excuse i used for for staying way to long to. each day your in that type of situation another part of you dies inside. its a slow way of committing suicide, but that's what you are doing. some just try to do it faster. one who controls a relationship works at destroying the others self esteem, and finds way to do it effectively
2006-12-01 10:45:08 · answer #5 · answered by redsyoungstud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she can. marriage is a 100% commitment from both partners. It a shame how someone can go from love to hate in a very short while.
2006-12-01 10:42:32 · answer #6 · answered by St. Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say controlling in what sense. But anyways cheating is not accepted in any condition. He should feel bad because his son won't have a normal family. You say he tried but I don't see cheating as 'tried'.
2006-12-01 10:46:46 · answer #7 · answered by A fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋