I'm really upset! I was hoping you could make me laugh. I can laugh at anything, even if its about me or insulting towards me. Please! First person to make me laugh gets ten points but I really need this!
2006-12-01 09:44:58 · 12 answers · asked by Shorty 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I couldn't take my pants off a minute ago, yeah I was changing and I was standing there half dressed fighting with my pants hoping nobody walked in. I thought it was funny in that "pathetic" way.
2006-12-01 09:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by experiMENTAL bunny 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a pretty young woman and asks to buy her a drink. She answers, "thank you, but no. i never let a man buy me a drink until after he passes my test." the man looks at her puzzled and asks, "what kind of test?" The woman replies, "well you can tell alot about a man by the way he does certain things. I personally look to see how he handles his keys. It really can tell you alot." The man looks at her unimpressed and asks, "really what could that tell you?" The woman responds," well some guys fumble with there key ring looking for the right key and when they finally fid it the scratch up the lock trying to get it in the hole. This indicates a sloppy lover, and i need something better than that in my life. Then there is the guys who jams his hand into his pocket, yanks out his keys, shoves it into the lock, then slams the door behind him. This indicates an angry lover, and i'm much to delicate for that. Then there is the guy who just unlock his door and acts like nothing special has happened and i need more in my life. So now that you know the standards sir, let me ask you how you handle your keys?" The man finishes his drink and says, "well first i get down real low and i lick the lock."
2006-12-01 18:01:57 · answer #2 · answered by cutthroat_mako 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like this one.
The Speeder
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate
road for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and
he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he
suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to
himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110
and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.
"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and
examined it and the car.
"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't
feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for
your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I
was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice night", said the officer.
2006-12-01 17:54:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership?
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to **** when you hear the price
2006-12-01 17:51:10 · answer #4 · answered by bbwandsingle1980 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Two guys named Boudreaux and Thibedeaux were out in the backyard admiring Boudreaux's new rifle . Thibedeaux held the rifle and looked through the scope. "WOW!" he exclaimed," I can see your wife way over yonder at your place" Boudreaux asked his friend, "Ya can? What she be doin?" Thibedeaux lowered the rifle and and said " Oh my friend, I am sorry to tole you she not be alone. She be with your other friend and they are gettin real friendly." Boudreaux look at Thibedeaux and hands him 2 rifle shells. "Thibedeaux you be my best friend and I want you to take these here 2 rifle shells and shoot my unfaithful wife in the head and use the other shell to shoot my ex-friend right in his manhood." Thibedeaux lowers the rifle and hands a shell back to Boudreaux, and tells him "My friend at this time I only need the one shell!"
2006-12-01 18:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by LMnandez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two Newfies were in Toronto for the first time and they were on a bus. Two nuns got on the bus and one of them had her leg in a cast. One Newfie says to the other "Wa ya suppose appen t'er?". The other one says, " I don know, whyn't ya fine out." He responds, "I will" and goes over to the nun and asks, "Sista, wha appen ta yer laig?" She says, " I slipped, in the Baaath". He goes back to his buddy who asked "wha appened?" and he says, "She slipped in a Baaath", buddy inquires," Whats a Baaath? He says, "Ow da ell do I know, I ain't Cathlic,"
2006-12-01 21:11:41 · answer #6 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A devout Jewish man's son has just turned 18. The man doesn't feel is son is as in touch with his faith as he should be, so he sends him to Jerusalem for 2 months. The son comes back a Christian! The man is baffled, so he calls his best friend.
The man says, "I do not understand! I sent my son to Jerusalem, and he came back a Christian! Can you advise me?"
The friend replies, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my son to Jerusalem several years ago. He, too, came back a Christian! Let us go ask the Rabbi."
The friends go to the Rabbi and explain the situation. They ask for his advice, and he replies, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my son to Jerusalem around 15 years ago, and he, too came back a Christian. I do not have the answer you seek. Let us to go to God, who has all the answers."
So, they men begin to pray.
The Rabbi prays, "Oh God, we have all sent our sons to Jerusalem, and they have all come back as Christians. Why did this happen?
God replies, "Funny you should ask..."
2006-12-01 18:08:16 · answer #7 · answered by Esma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two priests walk into a bar, to their reaction of, "ouch, that really hurt!"
2006-12-01 17:49:11 · answer #8 · answered by Danny G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If women with Big Boobs work at Hooters.......
Where do women with one leg work?
Ready?
I - HOP !!!!
Yeah I know it's kinda lame but it always gives me a little chuckle ;-)
2006-12-01 18:50:32 · answer #9 · answered by dc105lvnv 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My current favorite quote... 'If you took all the porn off the internet, you would be left with one site... and that site would be dedicated to bring the porn back."
I thought it was funny.
2006-12-01 17:54:29 · answer #10 · answered by wolvie145 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋