My boyfriend's best female friend?

Question

My new boyfriend's best friend is a woman named Kim. He and Kim regularly go out to the bars. Last week he went to a football game with her and then spent the night at her place. I didn't like it but kept quiet. This past Monday I went to his apartment to hang out, I wasn't even through the door yet before he told me that he had to help Kim write a paper that night. I started feeling uncomfortable and asked him if he is interested in her as more than a friend. He said no. I accepted this and moved on. But the following night, he told me that Kim is having some kind of bladder surgery after Christmas and asked him to move into her house that week and essentially play "nurse" for her- feed her, take care of the house, even change her catheter. This is too weird. Should I be worried? He says that she's just a good friend, but do I have to tolerate him staying at her house and taking care of her? This woman is 35 with two children. He's 26.

Answer 1

You need to let him know that he has to set some boundaries as it relates to this friend. Let him know that the things he is doing go way beyond friendship and surely should not be taking place if he currently has a girlfriend. No matter how innocent it maybe it should not be simply from a respect stand point. I am sure he would not like you doing the same for your " guy friend ". If he continues this behavior leave him straight away. No man or woman should have to deal with something as disrespectful as this. But first before you go there you must let him know how you feel about it. Don't argue just talk. You have to let your feelings be known so he knows where you stand then it is up to him from there.

Answer 2

This is tough

I have a girl who is a friend, and she is very close friends with this guy, and his girlfriend thinks he's cheating with her. I know they're not. I say this even though I almost have a conflict of interest, since I have a crush on her (haven't told her, because she's turned down people she liked better than she likes me, and says she doesn't want a relationship right now) and I'm tired of her spending all her time with this friend of hers. But seriously, it would be tragic if this guy had to lose either of those relationships, for both him and the girls. I think the girl I like actually cried because she was afraid her friend would have to break it off because of his paranoid girlfriend.

On the other hand, that is really wierd. Doesn't this woman have some family who could be doing this for her? I know I wouldn't do all that for a woman unless I had a crush on her, or maybe if I saw her as a little sister (which would never happen if she was 9 years older). Maybe you could talk to her about it? Hopefully this wouldn't end up offending your boyfriend. It probably would, but this is a lot to accept on faith.

Answer 3

WOW -- this is a tough question! I honestly, don't know what I'd do...Of course he can say he's not interested in her "like that" but in these type situations you never know until something happens to prove otherwise...

Anyway, no woman should be uncomfortable in a relationship. If something isn't settling right with you then your intuition is probably right. Since she is older, she thinks she has a leg up on experience in the game so she will try and do anything to keep him around. I'm sure she has a sister, cousin, mom that could play nurse but he happens to be the only one, yeah right...

She knows exactly what she's doing and even I don't trust her! Let him know that you think she has a separate agenda and you're not comfortable with it...if he gets mad and defensive than you should just let him go.. You could do better...

Good Luck, GIRL!

Answer 4

life is always about priorities.. kim is obviously the #1 priority to him these days..

it seems stange that he would start a new relationship with you when he's not willing to put in the time and commitment it takes to develop a new relationship.

could be he's really dating Kim but just wants you on the side.. who knows?

if he wants to go to a football game with Kim, then that's fine, but only as long as he invites you as well. seems like he wants to literally date two different women at the same time..

you need to decide whether you are comfortable with this arrangement, or if you'r be better off dumping him and looking for another guy who is serious about an exclusive relationship and is willing to make it a priority..

Answer 5

Well, if she's 35 with 2 kids and no husband, then it is no surprise that she asked a close friend to help her out. Although I personally wouldn't have asked him to stay with me, to each her own. The catheter thing worries me...doesn't one have to be a professional to remove and replace those?

My best friend is male. He is also almost 3 years older than I am. We stay out all night, watch movies together, do all the things that friends do. Unless you have some STRONG evidence that he's cheating (sexual messages on his phone, lipstick stains, etc.), then I don't think you necessarily need to worry.

Answer 6

You probably do not have anything to worry about. If it really makes you that uncomfortable than talk to him about it although if its early in the relationship you have got to be careful about asking to much. If you do talk to him about it see if there are compromises ya'll can come up with, like ok you hang out with her but no staying the night. It will have to be give and take on both your parts if your ever going to truly make it work. Be sure to tell him specificaly how it makes you feel.

Answer 7

he's hung up on her. i wouldn't go out w/ him anymore. in fact, don't call him anymore, don't email him anymore, don't come by unannounced, don't text him, that sort of thing. he obviously has a thing for this woman if he wouldn't mind changing her catheter!!! plus, she's a lot older than he is, so if he's even remotely interested in her, he's a sick puppy. if he'd rather be w/ her than w/ you, given she has health problems AND 2 kids, give the guy up. if he doesn't call you within the next week of cutting him off, then he has no feelings for you. don't talk to him about the situation or your feelings. don't badger him about his intentions. just disappear and see if he even notices. bottom line, it's just plain wrong for men to be that close w/ women they're just friends with. in fact, men shouldn't even have female friends when they're seeing someone. to recap, leave the guy alone. don't fight w/ him, and don't even miss the guy. good luck.

Answer 8

Well - maybe for now you do if you want to date him - I would suggest you talk about your concerns about this because its confusing to me - it sounds more like with that age difference he might just see her more as a big sister than a romantic interest - and she has kids too which is another reason getting to involved with her might not be in the cards for him. I think you should just talk and talk more about this - if you find you can't tolerate it - tell him and move on if he isn't going to explain things better to you.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

I think if you trusts him then let the things go. Just dont talk about kim. But, moving in isn't a good idea!

Answer 10

Wow, that is a little weird. Maybe he feels he's got some sort of obligation to her or something. Doesn't she have other friends or family that can help her out? To me that's too much. Especially if he isn't inviting you to go out or go to games with them. He's putting her as a priority over you. My bf did this too and now we are broke up.