What to do about family member who always expects you to 'RESCUE' them?

Question

I've got an aunt who every time we speak she's got a new set of worries(dont we all) and it almost seems as though she expects me to rescue her from her imagination. She just called me telling me that she needs me to come pick her up to take her anywhere cause she just had a fight w/ her bf...but im @wrk and she knws this. This is the fourth time this has happend in a month. What should I do? I love her and am willing to help but she almost seems to WANT to play the VICTIM. The list goes on and on.

Answer 1

I love helping people - I mean, I'm here, aren't I - but sometimes there are those people that seem to *only* want to complain. I have people like that in my family and at work, and I tell them the truth as opposed to what they want to hear. They get annoyed and eventually complain less and less to me. For example, there's this girl in my office that no one really likes because she complains about her personal life too much. She did it to me at first. She would say, "My boyfriend doesn't have a job, he's mooching off me, his mom's a jerk" etc., and I would simply say, "Then dump him. Just dump him. He's a loser, why are you still with him?" Eventually she stopped complaining about him to me because I always gave the same answer. Now she talks to me about other stuff and I'm about the only person in the office that likes her. I also recommend just being direct if it comes down to it. To my mother in law (to be - soon) I've had to say, "You know, stuff is kind of bad for me too right now - why don't we talk about good things going on in our lives?" It sounds to me like a good place to start is to give her the same stock answer of "so break up" for now- and if it persists, be direct.

Answer 2

It relies upon on quite a few issues I reckon. in case you go with a prevalent date then definite, you the guy will pay. in case you and the female are kinda buddies as a replace of fanatics and your "date" is non-classic, I discern the two one among you will pay or you pass dutch. i think it could be appropriate to truly ask your "meant" if she choose a prevalent date or some thing greater "contemporary". i does no longer request she pay because of the fact which you're broke. which could be embarrassing you the two one among you. One answer is y'all make dinner at her place or yours and additionally you each and each carry some groceries. you're able to be responsive to i've got in basic terms been one 2-3 dates in my life and that replaced into returned 1973-1976. I probable experience distinctive that the greater youthful bunch.

Answer 3

There's nothing wrong with helping on occasion, but you are enabling her when you rescue her all the time. Sometimes it takes "tough love" to remedy the situation though. I did the same thing with my brother. He was like that several years ago (he's 13 years older than me). I finally told him that he has got to do things for himself, learn a little problem solving. He was mad at first but we are very close now and he rarely asks me for anything. Good luck!

Answer 4

if you're tired of her playing the victim and you no longer wish to be her heroine, quit the job.
next time she calls, explain to her, (nicely, the first time), that you are______(working, spending time with your family,eating, etc.) and you'll have to call her back.
don't say that you'll call her back in a specific amount of time, cause if you tell her 30 minutes and you don't call, she'll call you. then you may need to be rude. but if you don't give her a time, all you need to do when she calls back is remind her that you told her you'd call her "when you are free".
I'd recommend that you do call her back, when you think she may be over that particular victim issue. unless it's a constant thing, then you may not want to call her.
good luck!

Answer 5

You never know who you are going to need. It's nice to help others but you have to set boundaries. Do what can, but if you can't do something I would just be honest. Don't beat yourself up if you are not able to rescue her. What would your aunt do if she couldn't call you?

Answer 6

If you are at work, let her know that your boss is getting angry, and that maybe she should consider leaving her boyfriend if she needs to escape so frequently.

Of you can just say: "Sorry, but I can't."

You don't have to say any more than that. She is free to choose a better relationship.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have a drama queen on your hands. Set limits and make her abide by them (no calls at work, stuff like that)

Good luck!

Answer 8

Stop doing that... you are only enabling her behavior if you cave in and do it.

after a few times of people not falling for the song and dance, she will eventually stop.